Try back next week

I'm taking a week off from blogging. Sometimes it becomes a struggle to come up with something to write about. This is one of those times. See ya back here on Monday.

Prison for Dummies.......Jailhouse Lawyers and the rare innocent man.

The recent story in the news of Joshua Kezer being released from prison after 17 years served on a wrongful murder conviction brings to mind a couple of things I'm going to cover in this Prison For Dummies post. Kezer was sent to prison by a dirty over zealous prosecutor and now failed politico Kenny Hulshof. Kezer is going to sue the pants off of anyone and everyone who played a part in railroading him to prison, and who can blame him. The entire case was based on jailhouse snitches, testimony by the original suspect also a criminal, and a closing argument that was mostly lies. Kezer lost 17 calendar years in prison, I wish him luck and godspeed.

So you say you are innocent, I must be the only guilty guy in the joint. Prison is full of innocent people, at least that's the story they tell anyone who will listen. Sure there are more than a few guys who don't belong, but most who claim innocence are just playing to the appeals court. Most of the guys who are playing the old "I was framed" game have a boat load of time. They spend every free minute of every single day, in the law library. These guys can quote case law and precedents better than F. Lee Bailey. The are also easy to spot. If you see a guy trudging across the prison yard, stacks of folders cradled in his arms like a giant paper baby, sporting thick ass state glasses in George Burns frames, 4 or 5 pens, minimum, in his shirt pocket, then you are observing the infamous elusive Jailhouse Lawyer.

Never ask one of these guys how his case is going, unless you have a few hours to spare. He will talk your ear off, throwing around words like tort, alford, fruit from a poisoned tree, until your head starts to spin and you feel faint from standing in the same spot for so long. Just avoid the jailhouse lawyer at every turn. As for the truly innocent convict, that's a rare creature. There is a difference in innocence and wrongful conviction. Kezer was an innocent guy, wrongfully convicted, even the judge who overturned his case called Kezer innocent, which is almost unheard of when a case is overturned. More often than not when guys get a conviction overturned it's because of a loophole or technicality. A judge erred or evidence was wrongly introduced. That's not saying the guy was innocent, it's more a case of playing the system.

Now that Kezer is free he faces a whole new set of problems. I was only gone for a little over 5 years, so I can only guess at how surreal the outside world seems after being absent from it for 17 years. He has missed out on a whole lot, and his first reaction might be to just go ape shit crazy trying to make up for those lost years. ex convicts usually react in one of two ways. The first is excess, making up for lost time. That means as many women as possible, as much booze, food, dope, whatever as possible. That path while common, and fun, will lead right back to the gates of prison.

The other reaction is to avoid any risk , real or perceived, of returning to prison. You isolate yourself, trust nobody, doubt everyone, cover your ass. That's the route I took, and while it served me well as far as staying out of prison goes, it also held me back, prevented me from reaching my potential. More lost years. in my case, I'm the only person I can blame. I made my bed, yada yada, etc. More than a few guys come out with a major attitude, a huge chip, mad at the world. For guys like Kezer, who never should have been in prison, anger is clearly justified. Most ex cons aren't innocent, so their anger is misplaced and just a furtherance of the criminal mentality that landed them in the joint to begin with. They will return to prison for countless violations of parole, and eventually a new case. They can't let it go.

In a few weeks, once Kezer has had his fill of food and whatever else he missed for 17 years, reality is going to set in. Reality is not your friend. The reality is he will find it near impossible to find a job. The market is flooded with square world folk who have never so much as jaywalked. A guy like me with a criminal history will never win out over someone equally qualified sans a criminal history. I can't say that is an unfair fact of life, it isn't, it's just a fact. Even though Kezer was found to be innocent, he has a 17 year lapse , no work history, 17 years where he didn't exist. Good luck with that.

You don't stop serving time when you walk through the gates. Your past is always with you. Again, I'm not saying that's unfair, it's part of the game, it's the territory that comes with living outside the laws and rules of society. You man up, and play the hand you dealt to yourself. If you are Kezer, if you were dealt a shitty hand from a stacked deck, I'm not sure what you do. I guess you sue, and try to get on with the remainder of your life.

If Al Sharpton says it's racist, then it's racist.

Thank Gawd for the most Reverend Al Sharpton. Without Al how would the average white person, or black, brown, and beige person know when to be offended. I am working on whipping up my liberal/ moderate outrage here, so please bear with me. If not for media pimp master Sharpton, I honestly never would have equated the NY Post cartoon with an age old racist stereotype that portrays African Americans with Apes. Frankly I would have never in a million years guessed that one of the most widely read papers in the nation was promoting an racist stereotype. Apparently I'm not alone, because there wasn't so much as a muttering from anyone until Al, with the Chuck Berry hair, began pointing out just how offensive this seemingly innocent cartoon really is.

We need people like Al Sharpton, because most of us are incapable of dissecting the inner thoughts and subliminal messages that are rife with racist overtones, it takes a special eye, and big Al clearly has 20/20 vision, lucky for us. Much like the Golf Digest cover that had a noose on it after the insidious racist attack on Tiger Woods by a sportscaster, who Tiger claimed was a friend, made the hate filled remark that the only way anyone could beat Tiger was to "string him up". When Don the douche bag Imus, called those big boned fugly lady B ballers, Nappy Ho's, Al was there. Al was also there to create riot conditions over the fictional rape of Tawana Brawley, and the fictional rape of a peeler at the hands of those white boys that played Lacrosse. apparently the term White Boy is fine and not at all racist, since Al has used it on more than a few occasions. Thank Gawd for Al the Master Baiter Sharpton. Sure you can argue that Sharpton is quick to jump in front of the camera and make slanderous accusations, absent of proof. You can argue that he never issues an apology or recants even when he is wrong and ruined lives. Stop nitpicking.

Anyone catching the sarcasm yet? It never ceases to amaze me that Al Sharpton has the ability to find racism where it clearly doesn't exist, where it is unintended. He need only utter the word, and it becomes genuine. I served over 5 years for "Uttering as Genuine", it's a form of fraud that the federal gubmint finds unacceptable. So excuse me if I don't fall in line with the other morons who can't think for themselves, the fools who still buy the pure, unmitigated bullshit of the Reverend Al. You can argue that the political satire cartoon published by the post is in poor taste, given the recent news that a pet chimp ate a woman's face and hands, before the cops fed him some lead. Beyond that, there was nothing offensive, racist, or insidious about the cartoon. Period, end of story. Not a single elected official or activist uttered a single word about the cartoon until Al said it was racist, now the Governor of New York, who cant even see the fucking thing is screaming racism. Gimme a break here, would ya.

If you believe that the NY Post was being racist, if you think they were insinuating that Obama is a chimp, or that he should be shot, then you my dull witted friend, can expect to spend a lifetime riding the short bus to the broom factory. Al Sharpton needs racists, otherwise he is out of business. After all , what would he do for a new shtick? Go after black on black crime, young black men annihilating one another over a corner or perceived insult? The absence of male role models in the home, teen pregnancy, high drop out rates, abject poverty, inadequate schools and education opportunities? Naw, that shit just ain't sexy enough for Al. I'd like to see a satirical cartoon of Al Sharpton as Jim Jones, I see Al slouched in a chair, sitting behind a big vat of poisoned kool aid, the media and the masses lined up waiting to take a drink of the poison Al slings so well. Al Sharpton is probably the greatest Con Man to come down the pike, ever. Having been one myself, I recognize it when I see it, and Al has it. Al Sharpton takes the game to a whole new level. I'm thirsty, wonder if there's any kool aid left.

Whats a couple hundred feet ?

Dennis Waltz lives about 858 feet away from a local elementary school in Brooklyn Indiana, which is about 142 feet too close. You see Dennis decided that it was okay to blow little boys or molest little girls, not sure which. Dennis went to prison, he served one year, yeah you heard me, one year, of a 5 year sentence. He paroled to his sister and brother in laws home, which just happens to be a church owned property. It also happens to be within 1000 feet of a school which is a violation of this scumbags parole. The parents of children who attend the school are none to happy about this revelation. They want Chester the Molester to pack his shit, and get the fuck out of Dodge, and really who can blame them. The local police are enforcing the law, and Dennis the Perverted Menace has 30 days to kick rocks and beat feet up out of there, or risk going back to the joint.

So far it all sounds pretty reasonable, no? Here's the rub, Dennis says he isn't a danger to anyone, after all he has a heart condition, as you can see he is confined to his recliner, all wrapped up in his blanky, walker at the ready, pitiful, yes? No? My gawd, where is your compassion, where is your sympathy? If you said he can find sympathy in the dictionary between shit and syphilis, good for you. Dennis bro-n-law is a local minister. I caught him on the news last night. He is imploring the state and local authorities to have some compassion, What would Jesus do, you know the spiel. I like to think Jesus would take a couple of fishes, maybe a loaf, and beat the cowboy shit out of this freak. The good reverend went on to say that the molestation only happened once, it was over 6 years ago, and after all it wasn't a violent thing. Yep, that's what he said.

The details surrounding this particular story are nothing new, neither is the Child Molester as victim attitude being adopted by this freak and his family. When the baby rapers and tree jumpers , go to the joint, more often than not they are kept separate from the rest of the general population, or they are very low key. It all depends on the joint they are in, if they are in Jump school (sex offender treatment), and other factors. For the most part, gone are the days of whipping the hell out of them with a sock and some state soap. That's a shame, a good beat down builds character, gives one pause once they reenter the world, it keeps kids safer. After all those uncontrollable urges can miraculously be kept in check if there is a chance you will return to a place that was a living hell while you were there. Alas, beating up sexual predators in prison can get you a new charge and more time, so for the most part they are left alone, at least physically.

Back to Dennis and his screwy relatives. They are asking the state for an exemption, they plan to do everything they can to get the law overridden due to the creeps ill health. The parents of children who attend the school are vowing to see the law enforced. We live in a world where the rights of the victims, or potential victims often take a back seat to the rights of the convicted. Maybe this time the outcome will be different, maybe this time the law will protect the innocent. Stranger things have happened.

Hello Dolly............

So you're walking across the parking lot heading into the local grocery and you see a couple getting all hot and heavy in their car. As you get closer you see that there are three people, two women , one man tied up in a human knot. A three way at the Safeway. On the one hand you want to applaud the guy, on the other it's more than a little offensive, especially to the women folk and the wee little children. You can approach the freaky threesome, tell em to get a room for christs sake, you can call the cops, inform the store management , or just take a needle to the two women.

In Cape Coral Florida George Bartusek got popped, heh, for putting his meat whistle in a couple of blow up sex dolls in the parking lot of a local grocery store. here are a couple of comments from witnesses:

"As I walk by I saw this guy with two blowup dolls - kissing them and bouncing them and trying to get people's attention"

"I've never seen anything like this. You know it happens behind closed doors, obviously. But in a public place, it's no good"

I'm sure Georgie Boy thinks the whole thing is being Blown Up out of proportion. After all whatever happens between a consenting adult and an inanimate vinyl object is their business.

It's a Rascal not a Lamborghini.........

I see them all over midtown. The apartment building on Linwood and Paseo, sitting out front of the place like geriatric hells angels, 3, 4, or 5 deep, smoking and waiting for who knows what or whom. They rarely have any kind of markers, no flags on a tall stick, or lights to draw attention. Now the news reports a woman was struck by a hit and run driver while trying to cross 63rd and woodland, at 10 PM, on her Rascal scooter. I don't want to sound to harsh here, but attempting to cross a major road like 63rd, in the dark, on a vehicle smaller than a riding lawnmower, at the blistering speed of 4 miles an hour, isn't exactly a wise thing to do. In fact being out after dark on one of these things, trying to meld in to traffic is pretty much asking for trouble.

Nobody wants to be the person who points out the idiocy of the people who think a Rascal scooter is just a scaled down car, and then proceed to operate the damn thing on city streets at the speed and height of a land tortoise, so I guess that's my cue. It's bad enough that we have to avoid being run over at the local grocery store or walmart by some rotund woman in pink stretch pants hogging up the middle of the isle, now we have to worry they will dart out in traffic.

Plan and simple, if you are running around on one of these things after dark, you are begging to become road kill. I'm sorry for the woman and her family, and I hope the cops catch whoever hit her and left her for dead in the middle of the road, that said, had she exercised a smidgen of common sense she would still be free to crash in to my ankles at the local Walgreen's, and slow up traffic on 63rd street during daylight hours.

Update: I may have misstated what the woman was operating, it may have been a wheelchair, I'm certain channel 4 or 5 reported it was a rascal. Either way, the sentiment is the same. In the words of the late Roger Miller "You can't roller skate in a buffalo herd".

So much for "raising her family on her own"

And the begging begins......

PETA loves your Midtown Miscreant

Let me go on record here, I'm no activist, animal, vegetable, nor mineral. I eat more meat than Ryan Seacrest. Okay, that's a bit of a stretch, heh. Despite being so sick that I can't stand myself, I drug my ass out to the PETA protest, guilt being my motivation. Sadly not guilt over baby seal killers, or red necked Kentucky chicken purveyors, rather the guilt of neglecting my readers. So hear is what I came away with.

There were two, count em, two, twenty something cave chicks. That's it. Not a single local news station, nobody from the star, not a soul from the pitch, no other bloggers to be found. There was just me, two cave women, and the occasional well heeled soccer mom who looked at the two protesters like they were smeared in feces and non designer perfume. The best part of my short stay was watching the reactions, the facial expressions of the people these girls approached. One of the guys who wander the Plaza with a trash barrel on wheels was approached by one of the PETA girls. She tried to hand him a leaflet and he looked like she tried to hand him a skinned seal. The guy almost pushed his trash can out in traffic trying to get as far away as possible.

I only spoke with one of the women, the other girl must be a method actor, she never gave me more than a grunt, and spent the ten minutes I was there pacing back and forth hitting the sidewalk with a plastic Fred Flintstone club. I was expecting , nay hoping for some good old fashioned West Coast Crazy, and that girl did not disappoint. The other Peta girl took her plastic Billy Bob Teeth out and answered some questions. They were from California, they travel around doing this, Kansas City had the poorest turnout of any city they have been to. They tried to get me to hold a banner, but I was afraid it would destroy my street cred. Instead I took a couple of pics of them with normal Peta Girls camera, and then took some of my own.

Two other items of interest: When I walked up with my camera the girl asked me if I was Tony. I gave her a funny look and she said "Kansas City Tony?" I explained to her that no I wasn't Tony of Tony's Kansas City. And as any self respecting ego driven blogger would do, I went on to say that I was not only better looking than TKC, my blog was more substantive and well written than TKC. None of this being particularly true, that however didn't stop me from dissing someone to elevate my own status. Last but not least, I actually came away from the brief meeting with a little respect for people who devote time out of their lives for a cause they believe in. Okay, that last line was bullshit, I went there hoping to see scantily clad young women with a twist of crazy . One final thing, the talking cave girl told me there was supposed to have been a bunch of Kansas City Activists there as well, but they all called in sick. So I expect all of you tight black jean wearing emo douche bags to turn in your Dead Kennedys t shirts and checkered Coverse Chuck Taylors, pussies.

Cover your mouth.

Fighting the flu, and getting my ass kicked. I'll be back up and running in a day or two.

Black Velvet Friday............................

Lets face it, you can't truly be an American Icon unless you have been immortalized on Black Velvet. Hundreds of thousands of velvet worms give their lives toiling away to spin webs that are then harvested for the velvet, or do they get it from deer antlers? Okay, I don't have a clue how velvet is made, and it's really beside the point. The point is that Black Velvet paintings are the white trash answer to Van Gogh. There is of course Elvis. More square yards of velvet have been used for Elvis paintings than all of the jogging suits in Jersey. Fugget aboudit.

I had no idea that Black Velvet art extended beyond the realm of clowns, Elvis, the Duke, naked ladies and unicorns. Sleestacks anyone?

Perhaps you prefer to decorate your walls with Phil (shoot her in the face) Spector.


Another sleestack, ooops sorry Condi, my bad.



For those who Love Dick.

Classy, classy, classy.

Some say art, others say it's pure crap. More importantly, what does Joey P think?

My personal favorite. Looks like Monica ordered the tapioca.
Have a safe weekend, get you some velvet, save a silk worm.

The complacency outweighs the crime

By and large we men are guilty of the most horrendous acts. Serial killers, wars, mass murder, rape, genocide, the list goes on. Even the female criminals I've known, and I've known plenty, tend to commit what I call Crime Lite, they hang paper in retail outlets or sling small amounts of dope. There are exceptions to every rule, but for the most part, men commit the really unspeakable acts. But there is one type of female criminal, that in my opinion is right up there with the worst of men. The mother who allows her child to suffer at the hands of some man, or by her own hand. Mothers have a built in defense mechanism when it comes to their children. Whether it be something as mundane as her child being picked on at school, or something as unspeakable as molestation, Mothers do not play that shit when it comes to her own, and anyone elses child for that matter.

Linda Rinehart falls in to the category of horrible women. She allowed her husband to rape her own child repeatedly, for years. Danial Rinehart fathered 4 children with with his teenage daughter, while his wife stood by doing nothing. Actually that's not true, she delivered the babies. Danial Rinehart is charged with murdering at least one of the newborns. All told there were 3 that died. The bodies were left in a cooler, to be found by the new property owner after the Rineharts moved. Who is to say how many more may have been sired and disposed of.

In a previous post I wrote about a family similar to the Rineharts, a family that lived in the same small Oklahoma town as some of my people. You can read it hear. Men, and now more and more, Women molest children, it's nothing new, it probably dates back since time began, but it's one of those things we never grow accustomed to, our outrage never lessens. But the mothers who stand by, for years on end, and allow it to continue, they fall in to the category of truly heartless and cold criminals. They are in my opinion worse than the men who commit the act, and those pedophiles are as bad as a person can be. The mothers who allow it, who stand by and do nothing, that cover it up, the complacency is more horrific than the act itself.

Linda Rinehart told the police that she allowed it to happen for two reasons, she felt she was too ugly and no man would want her, and she always wanted a boy. Let that sink in for a minute, try to fathom how any mother could justify her inaction, her failure to protect her own, using that line of thought. This woman brought a child in to the world, she carried it in her womb, she watched it grow. At some point her husband decided it was okay to rape his own child, her child, and she allowed it go on for years, she did nothing to stop it, and everything and anything to cover it up.

Linda Rinehart made a deal with the devil years ago, and mark my words when I say she has made a new deal, only this time it is with the prosecution. That's not something I got from the news, I can just see the signs. The bit about how she felt too ugly to do the right thing. As the story unfolds she will say she was abused, too afraid to do anything, she was under his thumb, I say bullshit. I believe that a man can abuse a woman to the extent that she fears him too much to run, or to call the police. I believe that a man can get inside a woman's head and control her through fear. What I don't buy in to is that a mothers instinct to protect her child can be over ridden by that type of abuse. Women like Linda Rinehart, who through her own admission had her own twisted motives for allowing it to continue, are worse than the scumbags that commit the act itself. But Linda won't pull down the kind of prison time she deserves, she will cut a deal. In a perfect legal system the prosecution wouldn't be offering her a break, but he will. That's how this type of thing always plays out.

You have to wonder how she could stand by for so long. The child she sacrificed, whose breath once kissed her neck, who ran to her crying with skinned knees and hurt feelings, seeking out a mothers comfort. How could she let it go on?

Suicide Bombers at the Git n Go?

I just wanted to take a few minutes to congratulate the people and government officials of Leavenworth and State officials of Kansas. For what you ask? For passing the buck. For trying to avoid doing their part in the war on terror. For proving to the rest of the world that you are as country as a chicken coop. City leaders along with Governor Sibelius and Senator Brownback have their Big John Bib Overalls all in a bunch over the possibility of Gitmo prisoners coming to Fort Leavenworth. They cite safety concerns, they say the Military prison cant hold these alleged enemy combatants. I say bullshit. Leavenworth exists because of two entities. The military and the Federal Bureau of Prisons. Take away the army and the federal joint and Leavenworth would dry up and fade into nothingness.

Here are just a few of the reasons being given for not sending Gitmo prisoners to Leavenworth.
1. Close proximity to the Missouri River, a major rail line and several state and federal highways, as well as the city of Leavenworth.
2.Police Department resources would be significantly taxed.
3. Increase in the number of protests in the city.
4.Hazardous material is routinely transported on the rail line running through Leavenworth. That would create a “heightened risk” should any of the detainees escape or if something else happens.
Just to name a few.

The military prison in Leavenworth shouldn't be confused with the U.S. Penitentiary, the gitmo inmates would go to the military joint not the USP. That said both are chock full O' killers and some highly dangerous men. They are far more dangerous and a much greater risk to the general public than a few hundred non English speaking middle easterners. The people of Leavenworth have benefited for a long time off of the revenue and commerce created by the military and federal prison industry, so why are they so up in arms over the Gitmo inmates? Simple, and sad, the hype and hysteria are nothing more than ignorance and a chicken little mentality.

Visions of jihad's in speedboats breaching the banks of the river and invading Leavenworth are right out of a bad Rambo movie. If anyone was going to try to break these guys out don't you think they would have entered Cuba and done so already? Cuba ain't exactly a friend of the U S , so it's not like they are going out of their way to keep Americas enemies at bay. Lets say a dozen Gitmo inmates escape from Fort Leavenworth. They are going to stick out like a sore thumb, after all Leavenworth isn't exactly awash in Middle Eastern folks. Now lets say a few of the already incarcerated bad guys from either of the two Leavenworth prisons were to escape. I think it's safe to say that there are some highly trained military prisoners who could wreak havoc while blending in. What I'm saying here, is that the prisoners the folks of Leavenworth should fear are already in Leavenworth.

In a nutshell the people of Leavenworth are paranoid about these foreigners, they have visions of suicide bombers walking in to the local Git n Go, planes flying in to the water tower, or whatever non plausible scenario that comes to mind. Leavenworth, you exist because of the Military and The Bureau of prisons. You have gotten fat from sucking at the Government tit, with little or no complaint about the thousands of killers and nefarious characters housed there. You don't get to pick and chose how your cash cows produce milk. Now wipe that milk mustache off and quit getting all worked up over the possibility of a couple hundred new prisoners, who think The Flintstones is a documentary. The guys you should be afraid of are already in your backyard.

Hat tip jools.

The Return of Prison for Dummies ..............The Zoo.

My Prison for Dummies series was probably the most popular and best writing I've done. Granted, that's not saying a hell of alot, Hemingway I ain't, maybe Elmore Leonard, with severe brain damage on his worst day. The point I'm trying to make is people liked it. If I was smart, I would take a cue from Hollywood and avoid a sequel, think any movie other than the Godfather with a "Part Two" behind the title. Not unlike Hollywood, original ideas to write about don't exactly flow out of my ass, so until something pisses me off, offends, or amuses me, it's either this or reruns. So without further adieu...........

The Zoo

Prison probably isn't the first place you think of when it comes to animals, unless it's of the human variety, which is an entirely different subject, so try to keep up. It might surprise you to know there is a wide variety of animals and potential pets in prison. The first and the most noticeable is the cat. I have no idea where they get all these convict cats, but every prison I was ever transferred to had an ass load of kitty cats. Most of the cats looked like your average house cat, but there were always a few that looked different, and not in a good way. I can't really explain it, but there always seemed to be a few that had really skinny fucking heads, like those hairless cats. They creeped me out. The cats always seemed to congregate around the kitchens. Guys would sometimes have a pet cat that hung out by whatever shop or building they worked out of. I once saw a fairly crazy guy, his name was Turtle or Frog, can't recall which, anyway, on a bet, a few packs of smokes and a couple of skinny prison joints, he ate a Cheetos out of a cats ass. It was one of the skinny fried Cheetos rather than the puffy baked version, which probably couldn't be wedged in a cats ass. People get bored in prison, and it's not uncommon to make the less stable do silly shit for entertainment. I felt bad for the cat, but he did scratch the guy up pretty good, so at least he got his.

Hopefully you weren't expecting a Bird man of Alcatraz story. I hate to bust your bubble but the only bird story I can tell you I experienced in the joint involves Cubans and Pigeons. They caught pigeons and cooked them in the little crock pots they sell in the commissary for heating up your canned chili. True story, the Cubans really did eat pigeons.


I worked for a few months in A and D, which is where all new arrivals and discharged prisoners enter or leave the prison. There were 4 of us that worked there, we handed out clothes, packed property, and fixed prison issue clothing. We had a couple of sewing machines, repaired shirts, replaced buttons, shit like that. Mostly we played pinochle. There were two guys I worked with who had spiders as pets. They were those little fuzzy black spiders, smaller than your pinky nail. These two chuckle heads kept their spiders in little boxes, and fed them live flies and the occasional cockroach. They claimed they were training them to fight and maybe do some tricks. Mostly they just poked at em with pencils. Every now and then you would hear an "OH SHIT" followed by metal chair being tipped over as one of the little black spiders jumped for freedom, and the spider handler would go ass over tea kettle trying to keep the spider from jumping in his mouth or something. I hate spiders, but it seemed like a pussy reaction to run from a tiny spider, especially having just claimed to be teaching it tricks. The spiders always ended up dieing after a week or so, and before they could teach them any tricks, or they would escape. Within a few days one of the two guys would come up with a new spider, followed a day or two later by the other guy. I have no idea where they came up with the spiders, I just know they didn't sell them in the commissary.

Now I realize that some of this shit might be a little hard to swallow. I can only tell you that every prison related story I tell is 100 percent true and bullshit free. Prison is not just for criminals, there are some really deranged and just plain crazy types running around behind the fence. I've got at least one current and one former corrections officer (hacks) that read this blog. They have no doubt seen it all and are surprised at nothing. Trust me when I say these animal tales are pretty low on the Bizarreness barometer. In short, prison is one crazy event after another. I'm not sure what my next Prison For Dummies Two installment will be, or when it will be. If any readers have a question or a subject they want to know about, and that I haven't already covered in my ground breaking Prison for Dummies original series, then leave it in the comment section, and I'll see what I can do. If you don't know what I covered already, read it here.

Until next time, sleep with your back to the wall and give everybody 3 feet.

*** You should also check out THIS BLOG. The writer is a guard in a prison somewhere and puts out some good prison related stuff. You will probably notice that his take is similar to my own. For the most part convicts and guards think pretty much alike, except the especially twisted ones on both sides of the fence. Good read, check him out.