Fast Eddie Flu-day......Sneeze in my direction and I'll break your nose.

It's muggy out tonight, the humidity giving me a taste of the sweltering summer nights in the not too distant future. But the arrival of summer is as uncertain as Rush Limbaugh at a gay pride rally. The enemy is at the gate, something wicked this way comes, and shit is getting dicey. The local and world news first began to sound the alarm a week or two back. First one infection , then another, and more followed. They crept in under the cover of darkness, on buses, planes, trains, even in a Yugo. I made a midnight run to Walgreens to lay in supplies. I've chained the gate shut, lined the windows with plastic and duct tape. I greased every door knob in the house with antibacterial gel, I've filled balloons with rubbing alcohol to use as grenades should anyone approach the compound, especially the Mexicans that live 2 doors down. I've gone Def-con 5 mother fuckers, so keep your distance. The problem is figuring out exactly who they are, you know, the carriers, the swine flu zombies. Last night the girlfriend came at me with a bacon sandwich, I quarantined her to the basement, confined her to the laundry room, nailed the door shut so she couldn't get to me.


So do you think I'm overreacting here? I mean if this shit wasn't serious, then how come the local and world news keeps mentioning the SWINE FLU every two seconds? the local Fox affiliate reported yesterday morning that a Mexican woman was taken from a bus in Kansas City, she was sick they said, her symptoms were flu like! Holy shit, bitch has the virus! Then at noon a 10 second spot ran, Ooooops our bad, she was just sick, no swine flu to be found. Fox 4 has even been running a spot about parents unnecessarily bringing their children to emergency rooms. They basically chastised these people for panicking, told them to cut that shit out, quit taking up emergency room staffs time. Are you fuckin kiddin me? First you whip viewers into a paranoid frenzy, then you tell them to quit being paranoid. You spend huge chunks of airtime talking about how this shit spreads, how it can kill you, especially your babies and old people, then you slip in a 5 second sound byte telling us that for the most part this shit isn't any worse than the dozens of other influenza viruses that fly through the air every year.

Shit gets deeper. Now the nut jobs like Michelle Malkin are whipping their dull witted readers into a frenzy, turning this shit into an immigration debate. And it's not just that racist, homophobic twunt. Show me a a radio talk show host and I'll show you another in a long line of chicken littles, frothing at the mouth about how the damn dirty Messicans are not only taking our fast food and lawn maintenance jobs, but infecting us with deadly diseases at an alarming rate. Of course the hate groups are lapping this shit up like cats to cream. Lets face it, these brown skinned border crossers are crafty fuckers. They've managed to spread this shit from Fargo to Indochina. Protests are planned or have already taken place. We can thank the media, and the Obama administration for starters. Yeah, I said it, this paranoid reactionary horse shit is partly Obama's fault. Biden got on one of the morning shows just yesterday, opened his cake hole, and said he advised all of his family to not travel, don't get in any confined places, like airplanes and subways. Since Biden is Obamas right hand man, the buck stops with Bama. He needs to muzzle that fucker, only let him speak to elementary school students and sufferers of dementia.

The truth is pretty simple. Swine flu wont kill you any quicker than any other influenza virus. But that simple truth isn't very sensational, it won't keep you glued to the tube. The news people want to put asses in seats, they want to grab your attention, and if that requires blowing shit out of proportion, so be it. If it causes people to protest, bonus! The truth is, nobody can say for sure where the swine flu started, it could have been Mexico, it could have been here on American soil. The truth is you stand a better chance of being shot or run over than dying from this shit. But lets not let truth and facts get in the way, when there is a perfect opportunity to spread fear and hate. Now I've got to run, the mail man just put some potentially deadly swine flu bombs in the form of junk mail in my mail box. if I hurry I think I can still hit him with one of my alcohol filled grenades.

Final thoughts on Uncle Ed Muscare aka edarem...

A couple of days ago I posted a video and link to former Kansas City children’s show/ late night thriller host Ed Muscare's YouTube page. Fark picked it up, as did another site that I can't recall off the top of my head. Hits to my site tripled, Muscare's comment section blew up. More than a few of the comments were pretty harsh. I've found myself with some conflicting feelings as have some of you. On the one hand he seems like a lonely, slightly crazy old man, on the other hand he was convicted of sexual battery on a 14 year old boy. People were arguing on Ed's behalf, saying that he served his time, paid his debt. Sounds good at first, but I don't think they understand the enormity of his debt. His debt can never be paid in full. Anyone who uses a child for their own twisted gratification, regardless of how much time has transpired, will always be indebted to the victim, there is no final balance which can be paid in full. No absolution of sins, no pardon, no making things right, that’s just not how it works, at least not in my eyes, or the eyes of any child who was ever victimized. You can get counseling, find a god, work with lepers, doesn't matter, you won't have even paid a point on the intrest.

I wrote about my own childhood experience here and here. While it took place over 40 years ago, it's as fresh in my mind now, and in some ways even clearer, more vivid, than ever. I was about 8 or so. When an adult, not always but usually, a man, molests a child, they rob the child of their innocence, the ability to trust, to be whole. It is a horrific crime that will have a negative impact through out the remainder of the victims life. The wounds never fully heal. What restitution can be exacted to make up for such an egregious crime? If you have already read, or take the time to read my earlier posts, pt 1 & pt 2, then you know how far I almost went to exact a fair settling of accounts. I came within a hairs breadth of punching the old guys ticket, but in the end his death wouldn’t have changed anything for the better. Nothing can ever settle that score. Not prison, money, or a life. What’s done is done, and it never really leaves you.

So I can't agree with the people who say that Ed Muscare paid his debt, he didn't, and he never can. Maybe it was a one time thing for him, but that’s rarely the case. Maybe he regrets what he did, wishes he could undo it, but he can't. Maybe when he passes by children who are at play, he casts his eyes downward, or maybe he licks his chops, either way it doesn't matter, it doesn't change the past. At the end of the day, I don't care if he is lonely, growing old, nearing death, a crazy old uncle who garners sympathy and touches peoples sentimental souls. In a world shaded with a vast array of grays, this is an instance of black and white. It's as clear cut and certain as anything can ever be. So while a small voice whispers to me, tells me I should feel sympathy, should pity this old man, a louder voice drowns it out. That voice says "fuck him and anyone like him". He should never expect happiness, should never hope to outrun his past. It should stay with him to the grave, as it will his victim. I tend to go with the louder voice, so fuck him, and anyone like him.

Stoopid Soup.....a cure for what ails you.

What better area to do a low flyover in a jetliner, flanked by fighter jets, than in the general vicinity of the 9/11 WTC attack? How do you top that? Send a fire eater to the local children's burn unit? Needless to say it scared the hell out of people. They fled the buildings they were working in, some ran into the streets crying, panicked, all kinds of worst case scenarios running through their minds. As we all know, the airliner turned out to be an Air Force One 747 doing some kind of photo op. Obama says he is pissed off, the white house issued the expected statement peppered with shock and appal, and just the right touch of indignation. Some over paid ass hat, the director of the White House Military Office, Louis Caldera, issued a formal apology, saying that he authorized the whole thing. Are you fuckin kiddin me? That's it? He should have been issuing his apology from the parking lot, right after being fired for being an idiot, then flung from his office window. Sure there have been bigger blunders, more serious repercussions, but you have to start somewhere. Not a day goes by that some clown in a suit doesn't commit some blunder at the expense of the people they are charged with serving.


Here locally, when all else fails, piss money away on redeveloping a wasteland. Tony's Kansas City has a post and a couple of links regarding some group debating what type of business should go in a building, on the SW corner of Linwood and Troost, that has sat empty since Christ was in short pants. Not to be a wise ass, but I'd suggest a triage unit, or maybe another Cricket outlet. Any business that goes on that corner will fail. Slapping a new coat of paint on a structure that should be demolished and calling it progress is nothing more than a feel good project. It's all smoke and mirrors. It reminds me of the Economic Stimulus Package Project about to take place in the same area. The Gubmint is going to spend millions training people to install energy efficient windows in homes in the area. This same area has been featured in my urban blight series, and I've written countless posts about one crime after another. Triple pane windows don't stop bullets any better than single pane. Unless and until crime in the area along and east of troost is brought under control, progress is unattainable. You don't put new siding on a house that is infested with termites. First you get the termite problem under control, then you go about beautifying. Otherwise it's like wiping your ass before you shit, it doesn't make sense. The biggest danger on the city's east side doesn't come from the thugs and gangstas, it comes instead from the community organizers , special interest groups, and the long line of "activists" and "Leaders", who are constantly dipping their hands in the till. I've said it before, you can slap a saddle on a pig, enter it in the Kentucky derby, and call it a thoroughbred, but it's still a pig. Dressing up the east side won't cure what ills it. Fix the crime and the piss poor schools, then you can slap some paint on a rundown building and claim progress.


And finally, THE SWINE FLU!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oink oink. The past couple of days we have been bombarded with dire warnings, images of people in face masks, plummeting oil prices, talk of closing the borders, and a suspected arson fire on the first little pigs straw house. Shit is gonna get worse. My biggest fear is that the virus can be spread through over priced Mexican brick weed, aye carumba! I'm feeling woozy already.

A former Children's Show host and registered sex offender.....A toilet brush....and a suckling dog.

Some of you probably recall my post and mugshot of Uncle Ed Muscare. A reader was kind enough to send a link to Uncle Ed's YouTube videos. These aren't videos of the old Uncle Ed's Treehouse Lane children's show. No, these are much finer, they aren't clips from any of his television work either. No boys and girls, what we have here are videos made after he became a registered sex offender. He has a ton of crazy videos on his YouTube page. Give em a look and be afraid, be very afraid.

From a remote location high in the Missouri Appalachia's..............

Just when you thought it was safe to go on line...........I'm back bitches! So listen, I realize everyone assumed I would come out guns blazin on my first, post Independence, Mo. move, post. I'd be doing the obligatory "I'm living among hayseeds and meth zombies" wisecracks, mullet sitings, you know, my usual stuff. Well, if that's what you thought I was going to do, then you were as right as rain. In the immortal words of Gene Autry, "How is it you know me so well, when I hardly know me, myself ?" Now don't get me twisted, there are a few small pockets of civilization left in this fair burb, but by and large Independence Mo. is the Appalachias of the Metro area.

Here are but a few, not nearly brief enough, excerpts from my first week among the lil Abners and Trailer Park Barbies.......................

I made a little grocery run to the hyvee on Noland road about 7 last night, a Friday night. I wasn't aware that Friday nights were still Family grocery gettin excursions. Well in this neck of the woods, that tradition is alive and well. After experiencing first hand the lack of rudimentary social skills, like saying "excuse me", "sorry", and "go fuck your mother", I am convinced that a large portion of this ugly red headed step suburb, were raised by wolves. These douche nozzles will congregate a dozen deep, right smack in the middle of the isle. What looked like an entire extended family, mom, pop, kids, grandkids, even a 15-ish year old mother with a big headed baby on her hip, who was intently trying to nurse through the over sized t shirt mommy was wearing, were completely barricading the middle of the cereal isle, oblivious to their surroundings, and the people trying to pass. Should you be brave enough to offer up an "excuse me", so you may pass through the human knot of spiky mullets, sleeveless T's emblazoned with rebel flags, eagles, and wolf silhouettes, rotund women, sans bra, sporting muffin tops that would make Entenmann's proud, the uber inappropriate belly button ring peeking out of the folds of flesh, should you be so foooooolish, to say excuse me so you might pass, you will be met with a look that says, "huh?".

So I wound my way among the throngs of Hot pocket eaters, serial breeders, and camaro drivers, finished my list off, headed for the check out, in hopes of getting some distance between me and THEM. I hit the express lane, it was moving at a faster than expected clip, seeings how the girl at the register made Corky look like Einstein. There were 3 or 4 people ahead of me, the guy right in front of me had a big plastic jug O' hy-vee vodka, a 2 litre of hy-vee ,soda pop, and the biggest bag of Slim Jim's I've ever seen. He steps up to the counter, the girl starts ringing his stuff up, and then it happens; Eb wonders over to the floral dept, mid check out. He grabs a single long stemmed rose from the case then stands among the house plants just looking around. Maybe he was looking for some Baby breath or some special accoutrement to garnish his one rose with. Lurlean was gonna be one happy chica. I mean seriously, what woman in her right mind could resist a gallon of Vodka that was probably distilled in Wichita and a purty flower. After watching the flower buying mouth breather for a few minutes I went to a different register and beat feet up out of that shit hole.

Let me just state for the record that Noland road is the areas hotbed for low IQ scores, incompetent drivers, and car loads of white boys with ball caps cocked ace/deuce. That's sideways for you folks who don't speak the dialect of the north American Wanksta. (white gangsta). Honestly, I've never been able to figure out the appeal of Noland road. Why throngs of young white kids, in 1980's era mustangs, with Eminem blaring through tinny speakers and trunk rattling bass, flock to this road like herds of Wildebeests at a Serengeti watering hole, is beyond me. But flock they do, and loathe them I must. Show me a white kid in shorts that look more like high water big pants than actual shorts, a wife beater T, shrouding a chest so bony the sternum protrudes like a third tit, or large goiter, whose every sentence begins and ends with the word DAWG; and I'll show you the most convincing argument for late term abortion this side of four legs and a flipper.

I'll be honest with you, I was afraid moving to this quiet little tree lined street would take away my edge, quell my anger, and have me writing about cleaning gutters and the latest episode of Hells Kitchen. Well it hasn't, if anything it has sharpened my edge, pissed me off even more. I can leave this tidy row of clean little houses and in minutes I can be smack in the middle of a wasteland of human detritus. If this is the face of independence, and it is, please someone , cover it the fuck up already. The photo at the top of this post is but one small albeit blurry example of what I am talking about. The bus had just unloaded about 20 kids, early teens, dressed in military fatigues, in front of a pizza buffet joint. The woman with the 120 ml cig in her cake hole, wearing the ensemble that perfectly matches the bus, was apparently the chaperon. The kids were too young to be in the military so it was either ROTC or some kind of boot camp for juvenile delinquents. I prefer the latter choice, but either way, that fuzzy photo gives you a sense of what awaits me here in the fair enclave of Independence Missouri. It warms the cold dank recesses of my heart to know I will never lack for material.

Fast Eddie Friday.......Shoot The Moon. Shrek Pens memoirs.

"Shoot The Moon, shoot the moon". That was a Stacey Keach line in a Cheech and Chong movie, Up in Smoke I think, but I could be wrong since all of their movies were the same, and I never watched one unless I was hopped up on the Hippy Lettuce. Now fox 4 is reporting a KCPD operation called Operation Buzz Kill. It seems that some genius in the police department has been surfing the Interwebs and has cracked wide open the 420 conspiracy. Yes boys and girls today, 4/20 means there will be a massive movement of potheads on our city streets, driving 10 miles under the speed limit, eating bowls of Captn Crunch, while laughing uncontrollably at the guy riding shotgun who just singed his eyebrows trying to light that roach. My first thought was,"hey nobody sent me an invite", my second thought was" Don't hide it, Divide it", and my final thought was "Are you fuckin kiddin me?". Does our police department actually believe there will be a plethora of pot smokers driving around because of the days date? The answer is , Yes. The East Side continues to be a killing field, so lets focus on some over hyped horse shit, like 420 day. Maybe after the streets have been swept clean of slow driving under achievers the KCPD can have a new operation, call it ,Operation Stop Young Black Men from Killing Each Other, or, Make Front Porches a Safe place to Sit on the East Side. Yeah, I know, it doesn't sound as cool as Operation Buzz Kill. Shoot the Moon, and pass the Twinkies.


Shrek is penning her memoirs, two books, because one bad idea isn't nearly enough. Gloria keeping it classy Squittro, wife of Mayor Mark Frankenstein Funkhouser, is writing two books yall! The woman who uses phrases like "The Black Part of Town", the woman who sent out a Christmas letter detailing the mayors prostate exam by a guy with hands like a catchers mitt, who I assume was a doctor, the woman who was banished from city hall after subjecting employees to sexual innuendos and calling a black woman Mammy-eeee, which resulted in the city being sued. Yes that woman, is writing two books about her life with the Funk. This is going to really work out great. Maybe Hearne, with the Ryan Seacrest hair, Christopher, can hook her up with his main man, Craig, coke dealer to comedians, Glazer's publisher. Maybe they can turn it in to a movie!

Manute Bol will star as the Mayor......................

Yaphet Kotto will play the role of Gloria, , it will be epic. Also using black actors will squash the racist rhetoric angle. My apologies to Manute and Yaphet. Thanks to TKC, for keeping me abreast and a wing, in all things mayorial. I think I first read it there a couple of weeks ago.

And finally on a serious note. Some of the comments on this blog have taken a nasty turn. I don't mean the ones directed toward me, that's okay, it comes with the territory. But let's try to refrain from the name calling of your fellow commenter's. I get a fairly diverse number of readers, we all don't see eye to eye on many subjects, but that's okay. So ease up on the name calling, mmmkay, that's my job. Thanks. Stay safe and have a good weekend. I'll be absent for a few days until the braniacs at Comcast get me back on line. In the meantime I wish you all, love , peace and chicken grease.

***Correction*** I mistakenly said that Today was 4/20, when in fact Monday is 4/20. I got so excited I sparked up a fatty and got turned around on the dates. Here I went and did all that driving around for nought. My bad.

Conceal and Carry on College Campus is an Idiotic Idea.

I'd like everyone who thinks the amendment that would allow anyone with a conceal carry permit, to bring a weapon on university campuses to please raise your hand, so I can shoot you in it. Missouri Rep. Brian Munz-Linger sponsored a bill saying it would deter gunmen from opening fire on college campuses if they knew others could match their fire power. I picture Rep. Linger standing in his skivvies in front of a mirror doing a bad De Niro, ala Taxi Driver imitation.

"You talkin to me?" " You must be talkin to me, since I'm the only one standin here." Yes doofus I'm talkin to you. You sir, are a moron.

The mindset of someone who intends to start killing random people doesn't include worrying about other people with guns, who might shoot back. The whole argument sounds like it was conceived in a living room fort made of bed sheets and cardboard boxes, while drinking Hi C from a sippy box. It's a clear cut case of Dick Measuring. We are talking about college students here, you know, binge drinkers, HPV spreaders, spring breakers, frat boys, not exactly pillars of responsibility and rationality. And before some chuckle head opens their cake hole about teenagers in the Military carrying weapons, please shut it. I assure you having served in the military, okay it was the Coast Guard, Semper Paratus bitches, I promise you the young men and women in the military have received hundreds of hours of training, and they aren't all walking around on military bases locked and loaded. Know why? Because it's a stupid idea, shit happens, people get accidentally shot and killed. But the passage of this bill will guarantee that more than a few irresponsible college kids will be walking around, armed while loaded. It wont stop the crazy people from going on killing sprees, and it will insure that it won't be long before drunken college dummies start accidentally shooting themselves and others.

This Bill is nothing more than a play on peoples fears. The same people who think the government is trampling on their right to own a 50. cal gun that pierces armor and turns Kevlar in to tissue paper. The same clowns who think they need that assault rifle, because you never know when you might run across a a suicide bombing terrorist White Tail Deer. Look, I'm all for your right to bear arms, own guns, protect your person and property, seriously, have at it. But there has got to be some control over who carries what and where they carry it. Conceal and carry laws haven't reduced crime, and don't toss out some bullshit NRA stats, I watch the news, and I believe we have plenty of crime to go around. That said if it makes John Q feel safer to carry his pistol, and if John Q has jumped through the hoops to get a permit, then have at it. But schools and college campuses are not the place to exercise that right. Would you be okay with an 18 year old High school senior packin heat in school? What about a slow kid, say a 19 year old senior? I didn't think so. The bill would lower the age from 23 to 21, which really isn't any different than 18 or 19 developmently, just makes it easier to get booze to go with the gun.

I'm back..............sort of.

So,..... I moved to the Pearl of the metro, where Men are men and sheep are nervous. Independence Missouri. Actually I haven't moved per say, but I am in the process of getting the place ready to move in, which explains my absence here. Now before some Independites get their IROC Cameros all in a wad, I don't mean to imply that all of Independence is stuck in the 1980's, just 75 percent of it. One need only take a trip to the Hyper Super Walmart on 40 highway to confirm those statistics. Yes I am aware that the Walmart is actually in KC proper, but it's painfully obvious where most of the shoppers are from. Seriously, some of you people are as country as a chicken coop. Normally this would be where I mock, criticize, and generally enrage the entire population of Kansas City's dull witted, meth addled, mullet sporting, step brethren, but much like Jules of Pulp Fiction fame, I'm in a transitional period, I want to help you. So in the weeks and months to come I'll be pointing out some areas that need work to bring you folks in to the 21st century. The majority of my readers, the ones not living in Independence, will be happy to know that there will be pictures aplenty.

There won't be any great sweeping changes to this blog. Since I'm currently unemployed, the Girlfriend has been working me like a White Mouth Gubmint Mule. I won't regale you with tales of scrubbing hardwood floors, cleaning gutters, and all the other mundane bullshit that I am being subjected to. I do however have just a few topics to cover today.

Pirates. Yeah, I realize I'm a few days behind everyone on this topic. Until the Navy Seals popped a few of the Bluebeard wanna be's in their melons, these clowns have been making the rest of the world their bitches. Of course there are calls for the U.S. to rain it's wrath upon these boating bandits, spend a couple gazillion dollars of military might to stop these guys, thus insuring we will spend inordinate amounts of manpower, time and money, chasing around extras from a Tarzan movie, in bass boats. The last thing we need is to get stuck chasing these clowns around. I propose we implement a sting operation. Park a few high dollar yachts off the horn of Africa, chock full of snipers and rocket launchers and let them come to us. When they get within range, turn em in to fish bait. Stop paying ransom and start punching tickets. We don't need battleships, aircraft carriers, and thousands of military personnel. Just a handful of seals and maybe a few of those scary looking TI KI God statues. Yeah, I know, TI KI Gods are Polynesian, so blow me.

My Maltese Maggie and Yorkie Max are proud parents of one, yes just one single puppy constitutes the entire litter. Seems like underachievement to me, but whatever. It's a little female, probably will never break the 5 pound mark. I spent Easter morning in the closet, no homo, not that there is anything wrong with that. I've delivered several litters of puppies in my day, and I was sure this one would be a breeze, it wasn't. She took several hours and liked it none too much. I've temporarily named the new arrival bunny, I would have named her Jesus, but she is a girl.

I'll be posting sporadically for the next week and then I will be back to Mon through Friday posting for your edification and amusement. You will notice the new header, it is temporary, poorly designed, and slightly insulting to an entire city. No need to thank me. I will probably be calling on my personal design guru, and the only Russian Jew I know, to help me put together a more appropriate header, he just doesn't know it yet. In the meantime, keep coming back, I'll try to make it worth your while.

Will the last person leaving catch the light?

I made my first move to the Midtown area in the late seventies. It was a completely different place in time than it is now. Make no mistake, it was a seedy area , in many ways far worse than it is today, in many ways better. Main street jumped and crackled at night, it was a living breathing entity. From the Club Royale, where fake cowboys and cowgirls gathered, north to 31st street where the drag queens hung out at the Jewel Box, Main Street was like no other stretch of road in this city. I'd say I was about 18 or 19 when I first moved here. I had a one room apartment on Warner Plaza, a street that no longer exists. My single window looked out over main. On warm summer nights, I'd open the window and watch the nightly show unfold. It was always the same, and it was always a little different. Hookers milled about on the corner right below my window. So close that I could hear every word of their conversations. I watched the older women school the younger new girls. Tricks would pull up to the curb and the women sometimes a dozen or more would crowd around the car. The car would pull away then return 10 minutes later depositing a hooker at the curb.

Miltons Jazz and Juice was also right below my window. The sounds from the little joint mixed with the traffic, the hookers, the pimps, the drunks and the occasional crazy person, it was the soundtrack to my life back then, it was music to my ears. I was already well on my way to being a major fuck up, a misfit, and a criminal, so there was no better place to be in the city than where I was. The couple who managed the building I lived in, Warner Arms, were right out of central casting. The husband had a day job, looked like he jumped from the pages of a Furry freak Brothers comic. He had the big white guy Afro, wire rimmed John Lennon glasses, a tall skinny guy who also peddled weed and heroin to the buildings occupants. His wife had a fake English accent, drank constantly, and invited me inside a few times to listen to the same Neil Diamond album over and over, until she would get drunk enough to show me what she really invited me in for.

It was a different time and place, before drive by shootings, gang killings, before crack cocaine, before aids, before there was a McDonald's on every corner, or a Starbucks. I drank back then, a vice that took hold for several years, turned me more than a little mean and a lot stupid. Id sit in Miltons, under age but nobody cared, the place was dark, shelves lined the wall behind the bar with old 78's and 33's, music made by black men, black women, drug addicts, criminals, and drunks. I never really liked jazz, still don't, but in Miltons it seemed right. Miltons is long gone, so is Warner Plaza, the drunk land lady, the hookers no longer stroll on main st, the entire area has changed into something else, progress.

I've kept returning to Midtown through the years. Trying to recapture some of the glory days of my misspent youth, but it has eluded me, just smoke and mirrors with an occasional moment of nostalgia thrown in. Just enough to keep me coming back.

And now it is time to move away, one last time. This time for good. I'm leaving Midtown. To most people that statement will draw a quizzical look and a resounding "who gives a fuck". To me it's a big deal because I really do love this city, especially the Midtown area. I'm not moving out of the country, or even out of the state, hell I'm not even moving out of the Metro area. I'll be 10 or 15 minutes away, but it won't be the same, and really it hasn't been the same for a very long time. I'm no longer the kid who was content to sit in a window and watch the grimy melodrama unfold in the street below. I'm the middle aged guy surrounded by kids who think they are doing something original, rebellious, a little dangerous, when really they don't have a clue. Gentrification, commercialization, progress, have all combined to water Midtown down to something that no longer seems familiar. I've been missing Midtown for years now, even though I've been living right in the center of it. People tell me I'm just being overly sentimental. They tell me I can always come back to visit, Midtown will always be here. They are wrong, the Midtown I knew has been gone a long time now.

Starting next week I'll be taking a couple of weeks off to move, get situated. I don't know how the new surroundings will effect this blog, my writing, what I write about. Everything changes and I don't suppose I'm immune to change either. Despite the somber tone to this post, I'm looking forward to the new start. I've got the girlfriend who tolerates my often surly attitude and pessimistic outlook. I've got the dogs who let me know I'm not as hardened as I like to think. My people are happy to see me move to a nicer part of town, they'll sleep a little better. And there are a few hundred people who take a few minutes out of their day to listen to me foam at the mouth. Other than no gainful employment life is treating me okay, I can't complain. But you know I will.

Why all the multiple murders? I thought you would never ask.

There have been so many shooters going on killing sprees lately that it's hard to keep track of them all. A parolee kills four cops. Thirteen killed here, eight killed there, father kills 5 children, 8 die in a nursing home, and on it goes. There have been a litany of reasons, excuses and causes offered up, most having to do with jobs and the rough economy. The only common threads seem to be that all of the shooters were men, they all had guns, and their friends and family just "can't believe it". The media, the families of victim and killer alike, all of us, try to make some sense of it, we want to figure it out, explain it. In the end the only people who have the answers are the killers, and most of them aren't talking due to the fact that they are dead or Lawyered up.



Gun control advocates want to blame it on guns. While I'm no fan of gun nuts who think they need that assault rifle, or those 2000 rounds of ammo, or any of the other excessive firepower that is available, lack of tighter gun control isn't the issue.



The economy isn't the answer. During the depression, suicides were up, but there weren't cases of mass killings popping up in the news on an almost daily basis. The shrink crowd wants to blame it on all of these different stressers, wrap it up in a tidy package, slap a bow on it, and call it a day. sounds good, but it's bullshit.



The truth is these killers have had it in them for a long time, they just needed a nudge to bring it out. If it wasn't the economy, job loss, or divorce, it would be something else. Contrary to what we hear from friends and family members of the shooters, these guys were not "good people". A good person doesn't wake up one morning and gun down 3 or 4 cops, or a classroom full of people learning English, or their children. They don't think like most of us. Prison is full of these guys, so are mental facilities, and increasingly so is your workplace, the guy at the counter of your favorite cafe, the man standing in line behind you at the checkout.



The truth is that there are bad people in the world. I have my own theory on why we are seeing an ever increasing number of these multiple murders.

It's the cherry on the selfish act sundae.

Look, it takes a certain type of individual to lash out at innocent people in such an egregious way. Call it sociopathy, animalistic, deeply disturbed, whatever, it doesn't matter. What is unarguable is the selfishness of such an act. Think about it, what is more self indulgent than killing a group of people because you are pissed off, depressed, vengeful, feel hopeless, or any of the litany of horse shit excuses given for why "he did it". It seems like an ego driven crime. And what egomaniac could resist weeks long coverage, speculation, Nancy Grace special reports, and all of the other media spotlights focused on the crime and perpetrator? I think we are seeing a snowball effect. Someone kills a bunch of people, the media reports it, the next killer sees it, decides he wants some of that fame, he wants people to know he was pissed off, lather rinse and repeat.

I'm not buying the whole "He was a great guy who just snapped under pressure" bit. If losing your job, or home, or wife, or sanity, was all it took to turn a mild mannered human in to a rabid killer, we would be walking over bodies in the streets. The truth is there are killers walking among us on a daily basis. They don't need a reason that makes sense, rhyme, or reason. They all murder innocent people for the same reason, because they want to.

Fast Eddie Friday.......The sky is falling.....Michelle Bad Touch Obama....and other crap you could do without.

KMBC channel 9 brings us the shocking news that there are ties to Mexican drug cartels in Kansas City. Well dip my balls in Milnot and squat me in a sink full of kittens, who knew. This hard cutting bit O bullshit journalism and non news comes on the heels of a justice dept report. It's also a glaring example of local news stations attempting to sound hard hitting while actually not doing or saying anything relevant. Here's a newsflash for ya, every crumb of shitty brick weed that comes in to any city in the nation has ties to Mexican drug cartels. Every 10 dollar package of tar heroin, and most of the coke trade in the nation has ties to some drug cartel. I'm all for cracking down on these cartels, mainly because I'm tired of smoking weed that tastes like a dirty gym sock. I make that previous statement to highlight the fact that we Americans are the main reason the drug trade flourishes. I get annoyed when "reputable news" outlets try to grab our attention by throwing out hyper sensationalized horse shit. The truth is, as long as we are creating a demand for coke and heroin, someone is going to supply it. It isn't news that an impoverished country, who shares a border with the U S, is a major supplier of coke and heroin. Slapping up some pictures of graffiti, name dropping the Justice dept. and MS13, while pretending it's news, is laughable to anyone paying attention.

There is more than a little stink being raised over the First lady touching the Queen. The response is so retarded ( yes, I said retarded), I'm not even going to bother linking it. It's not like she dug two knuckles deep up the Matriarchs ass, she simply responded to the queen touching her in what passes for an embrace in the land of bad teeth and ass backwards steering wheels. I find it especially laughable that Americans are jumping on the bandwagon. Since when did we worry about protocol, pomp and a royal family whose tree has fewer branches than the banjo player in deliverance? Look, I'm not one of these groupies who think the Obamas are infallible, but seriously , with all of the problems in the world today, I think we can find something more relevant than this minor faux pas.

Finally on a brighter note. China has the Great Wall. Germany had a wall, and tore it down. Off of west 39th we have this great wall. I'd like to have an entire house built like this. I'm a simple man, with simply horrible taste, and this thing makes me smile every time I pass it. Have a safe weekend. Keep an eye out for roving gangs of MS13 drug dealers, don't touch any limeys, and don't do anything I would do, it would probably kill you, or at the very least make you look like an idiot.

Smart Ass Stew...........exactly like Fast Eddie Friday, only different

The French and Germans are showing their collective asses at this years G 20 summit. Am I the only one seeing the irony here? It seems like the French go out of their way to butt heads with the United States. I don't like the French, never have. For starters they talk funny, they wear horizontal stripes , face paint, and berets. Oh wait, I'm thinking of the GOOD french, the ones who don't talk, ....Mimes. The frogs are threatening to walk out of the summit and take the Germans with them. Both countries have the memory of a flea, were it not for the U S they would be goose stepping out of the summit, speaking German instead of french, and drinking hot beer. I'm not saying they shouldn't disagree with us, but they need to lose the attitude. Since there are riots and protests going on in the streets of London right now, over the shit sandwich that is the global economy, a show of unity or at least refraining from making threats to take your toys and leave, might be in order. As for the anarchists and assorted douche nozzles who think it's okay to destroy private and public property, I hope those London cops put something on you that even Ajax wont remove.

Well there goes my Door to Door Gynecologist scam. Crime Scene Kansas City linked this story. A guy is going door to door posing as a dentist. at least one woman has allowed him in her home, sat in his dental chair, which is really just a lawn chair. He puts them under then feels them up. Gee, whoda thunk it? Who in their right mind thinks dentists travel around in a pickup truck, go door to door, and work on you in a lawn chair?

Last but not least, Nadia Octotwat Suleman is the subject of an article in the L A Times. Ready for this? Her lawyer says " She is trying to avoid the media spotlight". He goes on to say she is just trying to provide for her litter, my word not his, in the best way she can. "After all it's not like she can get a 9 to 5 job", his words not mine. The woman with Angelina Jolie lips and a clown car vagina, spends 1,000 bucks a day on nannies, 6 during the day and 5 at night according to the Times. She has been on Dr Phil 7 times so far, so much for avoiding the media. We all know she is just pimping these kids for a payday, so lets cut through the bullshit. Here's the rub; after the nurses who were caring for the kids complained about the constant cameras and media folks in Suleman's house, she fired them. They had also reported her to the state prior to being fired, saying the kids weren't in a good atmosphere. Now here's the clincher, her defenders , yes she has them,responded that she shouldn't be criticized for selling her story. Hey ass holes she isn't being criticized for selling her story, she is being criticized for having 8 kids in one fell swoop, adding to the other 6 that she couldn't support.