Fast Eddie Friday............and Bubbles wept.

As the Internet, media, and adoring fans mourn the death of Micheal Jackson, here in the real world it is business as usual. A 7 year old child was murdered in Kansas City Kansas. That makes two children this week who have been callously murdered. Two kids who will never have the chance to realize their potential. So it only stands to reason that the BIG NEWS here in KC revolves around the death of an entertainer, who shared nothing in common with his legions of fans. A guy who silenced child molestation allegations with millions. A walking cartoon character, whose face changed more often than Liz Taylor's husbands. Sure he was talented, innovative, iconic, give it a name. While his fans weep, wail, and gnash teeth, they hold little in common with the walking freak show behind the mask. Maybe I'm just a surly, cynical, prick. Perhaps I'm being unreasonable to feel so contemptuous of the masses who weep for a man they never really knew, who they shared nothing in common with, who was so far removed from the everyday reality of the world the rest of us live in. Maybe I expect too much. Maybe I'm the one with the screwed up priorities. Maybe the local news stations are right to air endless Michael Jackson memorials, while only offering up a few minutes every hour to the news that a 7 year old child was brutally murdered in our own backyard.



Now for a dose of reality and common sense. The new Transformers movie is RACIST!!!!!! 'Transformers' Sequel Brings Jarring Issue of Race". That's the headline on the ABC news web page. Apparently two of the cars are speaking in a manner that some people are saying is disrespectful to African Americans. One of the actors who did the voice over says "When he took the role, he was told that the alien robots learned about human culture through the Web and that the twins were "wannabe gangster types." While critics and pundits are raising voices filled with righteous indignation, decrying the use of street slang and a gold tooth as demeaning to black folks, an insulting parody. What I find offensive is the assumption by these politically correct douche bags, that black people all speak in gangsta dialogue, or sport gold teeth. Voices rise up to lambaste a sci fi movie, while remaining mute over the stereotype laden movies that star black actors. Go figure, it is perfectly acceptable for Eddie Murphy, Martin Lawrence, Eddie Griffin, or Chris Rock to make movies poking fun or getting laughs through parody and stereotype of both blacks and whites, but a robot is totally offensive for speaking like a gangsta and sporting a gold tooth. Somewhere along the line, in our need to be sensitive and politically correct, we have lost our sense of humor. We are afraid to laugh, poke fun of ourselves, to lighten up. People go out of their way to find offense where none is intended. Hey, that shit sells.



I don't normally take shots at comments, other than the occasional troll, today I'm going to make an exception. A commenter on my Citadel Plaza post, who lives or lived in the Ivanhoe area off of Troost, a white woman, took exception to my post. She went so far as to describe me and my readers as, and I quote " white people and middle class people making their pronouncements about poor people and minority neighborhoods. Most of them are so scared of these areas, they never go there. To offer up a slice of this persons mindset here is another quote from a post on her blog. " Ah, the fallacy of my white privilege came on full display. I, me, the privileged one, had cared about and been in the life of this young man. Ergo, he should be safe. " She was referencing a young black guy who was recently killed. Nothing like a well off, white college professor to put life in the inner city in perspective. She feels guilt over her whiteness, so much so that she jumps at the chance to write off any white folks with differing views as, middle class, fear driven, chicken littles. Normally I take the time to read what someone writes before I take a shot at them. I like to make sure I'm not making a decision based on my own bias and prejudice, rather than fact. This self described "White Girl in the Hood", an educator no less, can't be bothered with facts, not when there is a race card to be played. Not when there is perceived injustice to address, wrongs to be set right. Fuck the truth, who needs truth when you can sling accusations based on bullshit.


What pissed me off about her comments and her post, isn't the fact that we disagreed. People disagree with me all the time, I get shit wrong, it's rare, but it happens. What pissed me off is this guilt ridden morons dismissal, based solely on the color of my skin. Never mind that I spent half a lifetime in places this clueless bleeding heart would never tread. Ignore the fact that most violent crime takes place on the east side. In fact she wrote " Having lived much farther east in KC than this particular location, I feel I can say with some assurity - they are all full of crap. Yes, there is crime. Yes, there is poverty. Is the area as safe as the most affluent neighorhoods? Yes and probably safer ". I have to say that little snippet, is either the most delusional or moronic thing I've heard in recent memory.


So whats the fuckin point MM? The point is I find it impossible to suffer fools. When people say stupid shit, I can't help but react. When some out of touch, over educated, white broad, who plays the race card in place of logic, who trots out her white guilt and angst, while enjoying its fruit, I tend to get a little pissy. When she calls me out as some Suburban middle class white guy, which is her way of calling me a racist, I get pissed. Being white doesn't automatically make me a racist, or fear monger, or clueless, any more than being black automatically means you speak in Ebonics through a gold tooth. I'm harder on white people on this blog than I've ever been on Black people. That doesn't mean I automatically give them a pass, or lay all of their ills at the feet of white America. We got where we are today, through the fault and to the credit of folks white, black and brown. Nobody is free of blame, or denied credit. So I'm going to have to trump that race card. Common sense and facts beat out white guilt and hyperbole every time.



I'm done. Have a safe weekend, make sure and drive to the Piggly Wiggly on Linwood to do your shopping, even if you live in Blue Springs, you over privileged white devils you.

Good money after bad. Citadel Plaza, what a great idea.

The Citadel Plaza project is back in the news. I won't go into all of the minutia and ongoing controversy. That's better left for guys like Tonys Kansas City, who love him or hate him, has stayed miles ahead of the media on this one. There are funding issues, Peter robbing Paul, to the tune of 20 million I think. In a nutshell the Citadel is a development that is supposed to feature retail, housing, commercial business, all rolled into one big pretty package. It will be located at 63rd and Prospect. Let me repeat that, 63rd and Prospect. It's all about revitalization, bringing commerce to the city's troubled east side. It will resemble those cookie cutter shopping districts that pepper the metro, but with rampant crime. And if this thing gets built, it will fail miserably. Not because the economy is in the tank, although that wont help. The reason it will fail is because of its location. Because of crime. Big time retail chains wont stay in an area where they are used as an atm for criminals, period, end of story.

The reason that the east side of Kansas City is so economically and developmentally depressed is crime, and complacency. The tools that call the shots in city hall, the morons who are trying to find a way to dole out 20 million dollars to a developer who will build this silk purse from a pigs ear, then walk away, they don't "get it". The city will figure out a way to raise 20 million to build something that will ultimately fail, but they couldn't figure out a way to adequately fund the Police department. In a two week period there were over one thousand crimes reported within two zip codes in a 5 mile radius of 63rd and prospect, according to the KCPD crime map. City leaders think it is an awesome idea to invest 20 million for a retail area, in one of the most economically depressed and crime plagued areas of the city proper. Are you fuckin kiddin me? This plan makes as much sense as opening a titty bar in Iran. Build a retail shopping area in a section of the city where unemployment and crime rule the day. Who is going to support the businesses naive enough to open shop on 63rd and prospect? The folks who live there certainly don't have an over abundance of cash to freely spend. The whites who still have money to spend are not about to risk getting their face shot off, or their car jacked on the east side when there are countless retail outlets in their own neighborhood.

The Citadel is the cart before the horse. Clean up the neighborhoods, get crime in check, make it a safe place to live, then invest in retail outlets. Not the other way around.

Lady Justice is color blind.....She only sees green.

Shock time. The 120 day call back. When I was doing the state portion of my prison bit, you would see these guys, usually huddled off in a corner somewhere, or stuck on their bunk like they were glued to it. Professional drunks, with more driving under the influence cases than they could keep track of. Deadbeats who believed the measure of a man was how many babies they could sire and then neglect to support. Aspiring dope slingers who decided they no longer wanted to be Scarface the second they got pinched, and then rolled over on guys they grew up with in order to save their own ass. Grown men who were either dope fiends, drunks, or Chesters, fortunate enough to be born to parents with money who never cut the strings. These were the guys who almost always came to the joint for what amounts to a few minutes. Shock time, 120 days and a wake up. Almost always white, from at least upper middle class homes, and to a man, possessed with an attitude that they were somehow above it all. They always blamed their circumstance on someone, anyone but themselves. They kept that under wraps, but you could hear it in their whiny smug voices, and see it in their averted eyes.

So when people were reacting with outrage that a judge will let Curtis Mertensmeyer go free after he has finished his 120 day shock time, I wasn't surprised. On Feb. 13, Judge Torrence sentenced Mertensmeyer to five years in prison with a 120-day call back, meaning he could be released after four months with good behavior . The deal was sealed days, weeks, maybe months prior to the judge handing down that sentence. If the prosecutor in the case objected, he didn't do it very loudly. And if he allowed the family of the victim, Daniel Riemann, to believe that Mertensmeyer was going to do more than 120 days, then he was blowing smoke up their collective ass. I'm sure he voiced his objections, for appearance sake, but the prosecutor in the case knew he was selling those people down the river from the git go. Judges rarely go out of their way to leave that 120 day door open, unless they intend to set the guy free.

Here's the thing about shock time, it rarely works. The recidivism rates for shock time aren't any better than mainline, do your time, recidivism rates. I saw more than a few clowns leave after 120, only to return 6 months or a year down the road. The truth is that the judge isn't doing anyone a favor by doling out 120 shock time. Trust me, 4 months is about as shocking as a 9 volt battery on the tongue. It will leave a bad taste in your mouth for a minute, but 6 months after you are out, it's like it never happened. Most guys doing shock never make it out of the safe and secure diagnostic centers. They don't get to enjoy the whole prison experience. They probably won't get to see some poor pin cushion wheeled away to the infirmary with a Plexiglas knife protruding from his chest, soaked in blood and his own piss, a deer in headlights look, gripped with the fear of dying in prison, alone. They'll never have the pleasure of falling to sleep serenaded by the stylized sounds of crazy people screaming, 400 aspiring rap stars yelling, metal doors constantly slamming shut, and the hourly flashlight beam to the face. They probably wont experience the loss of a loved one, or a dissolution of marriage, or any of the countless gut checks that come with doing a stretch, the whole stretch. See, prison sucks, big time, like Liberace in a dick tree. And it's supposed to suck, that's the whole point. That's what motivates the small minority of people who actually stay out, to stay out. Giving someone 5 or 10 years but only making them do 4 months, it kind of takes the sting out of the sentence.

People are outraged, and rightfully so, but this type of collective bargaining happens on a daily basis in the American justice system. Spoiled little pricks like Mertensmeyer get the equivalent of a judicial rub and tug with a happy ending, while people with shallow pockets get served the equivalent of a shit sandwich on stale bread. When it comes to 120 shock, it's who you know, how much you can spend, or who you can trade off to the police. People want it to be a white/black thing, but it's not. It's a green thing, or a who you can rat on thing. It just so happens that it's mostly white guys with money, or a willingness to rat. I'm sure there are other factors. The judges often don't consider the drunks and deadbeats criminals, at least not on the level of some guy who does burglaries, or writes checks, or the brown kid who slings dope. Maybe it's a matter of who they can relate to.

Mertensmeyer committed a horrific crime, he was drunk behind the wheel, he killed a young man and he destroyed several lives in the process. Maybe the victim was drunk as well, that seems to be a motivating factor in the judges decision. The fact remains, if Mertensmeyer had not been drunk and behind the wheel, he never would have hit Daniel, knocking him 139 feet, and one of his legs an additional 200 further. It is outrageous to people that this smug little prick is walking away after 120 days. But their outrage should extend beyond this one single case, their outrage should be directed at how often it happens. Mertensmeyer isn't unique, the outcome of his case isn't either.

Fast Eddie Friday....Clowns walk among us.

Would you fall asleep while the gent in the photo below was tattooing stars on your face? For that matter would you tattoo stars on your face?

Well if you answered "hell no", to those questions, good for you. Perhaps you could forward a cup O common sense to the now permanently screwed and tattooed young lady captured for posterity in the above photo. Hey I happen to think that most tatts are an art form, Ive got a few myself. However I don't have them on my face, neck, or my meat whistle. You see, there are some places that you shouldn't have ink on. Now here is where the story takes a quick turn down bullshit blvd. As her father ate an ice cream outside, Miss Vlaeminck claims she fell asleep before waking up to find her face covered in the "nightmare" tattoos.
"When he started to tattoo me, I did not feel pain and I fell asleep. I awoke as he tattooed me on the nose and I saw what he had done. I counted 56 stars," she said. Her father is livid, wants to press charges, and of course there is the lawsuit. If you ever had even the smallest tattoo, on the toughest part of your hide, then you won't be surprised as I call out a resounding BULLSHIT on this young Belgian liar. The guy in the picture who is the ink slinger is also crying foul, says she was awake, and he only did what she asked for.

The clown above,heh heh, will be serving 15 calendar years for firing a mac 10 into an empty apartment. Fair enough. He was charged and sentenced under a gang law. Equally fair, sort of. Here is the rub, the gang he belonged to, not the crips, or bloods, not the Outlaws or hells angels. He was no Gangster disciple, nor was he member of the Mexican mafia. Ready? Prosecutors say Dewey Dixon, 32, is a member of the Juggalo Rydas, which police are classifying as a street gang.

Really? Seriously? I had no idea that the Juggalo types were actually a gang. I always assumed it was a bunch of goofy white kids, in clown paint and hockey jerseys who smoked weed and listened to really hideous music. Learn something new everyday. I'm not sure how he got caught, perhaps he was caught while trying to run away from the scene of the crime in his really big clown shoes. Maybe he was captured when the cops pulled over his YUGO which had 14 occupants and a Chihuahua in a ballerina suit inside. Whatever the case may be, thank god and Emmit Kelly that the streets are safe for at least 15 years. I took the liberty of using my mad skillz to put some appropriate Juggalo make up on Dewey. Did I forget to mention his name is Dewey? For what it's worth, his brothers, Huey and Louie, are not juggalos. They are employed and leading productive lives in Disneyland. Sad Clown............

That's it for this week. Have a safe weekend. Hat tip to KC Star's Juggalo Jimmy Hart..

Time to man up, and issue an apology..............

I was a little hasty yesterday when I took PETA to task for being a bunch of wobble heads. In my previous post I went after PETA like an Eskimo opening a can of club wielding whoop ass on a baby seal. I questioned their sanity for taking the President to task over killing a fly. Well they showed me, and I was dead wrong. They aren't crazy at all. In response to Obama using what was clearly some kind of Kung Fu move on the defenseless fly, the good people at PETA have sent President Bama a Katcha Bug. Bruce Friedrich of PETA issued the following statement "We support compassion for the even the smallest animals," says Bruce Friedrich, VP for Policy at PETA. “We support giving insects the benefit of the doubt."
Friedrich says PETA supports "brushing flies away rather than killing them" and was disappointed that the President had gone ahead and squashed the pesky fly.
So there you have it, a perfectly reasonable reaction to an unreasonable action.

Who am I kidding, these people have bought so deeply into their own bullshit that it's not even funny. Okay, it's pretty funny. What is really funny is that PETA has a whole line of awesome craziness that you can purchase to show support and your love of all things living. That baby seal at the top of the post, looking at you with those big baby seal eyes, adorned with the logo " Give Hugs Not Clubs." I can't think of a better good luck charm to hang from the mirror of your Smart Car when you are on a late night bombing run at the local animal research lab.

Already have a baby seal? How about a refrigerator magnet of an adorable fuckin chicken proclaiming "I am not a nugget"

Or a copy of Meet your Meat, with wacka doodle Alec Baldwin gracing the cover?

Oh, and here is a little live mouse trap, comes complete with a/c and flat screen television.

Lest I forget, here is the Katcha Bug. How you get the fly to jump in the fuckin thing, I don't know.

So I retract my earlier apology, and in it's stead I offer PETA the Following " Are you fuckin kiddin me?"

PETA's crazy train jumps the track.......... Obama commits FlyOcide

Never let it be said that I was anything less than PETA's best friend in Kansas City. While the counterfeit PETA supporters were nowhere to be seen, your mild mannered midtown miscreant was there. Two lonely cave women and aspiring actresses from the west coast, left high and dry by KC animal rights activists, were greeted by yours truly, and I took the pics to prove it. So it is with heavy heart that I must now divest myself from any further association with PETA, because frankly, they have lost their rabbit ass minds.

PETA has issued the following statement. "He isn't the Buddha, he's a human being and human beings have a long way to go before they think before they act."

The he is Obama.............
His offense, killing a fly.


Let me be perfectly clear, I agree with PETA that cruelty to animals is wrong, but I don't go so far as demanding that people stop eating meat. Hey I'm as carnivorous as the next guy. If you are cruel to an animal for the sake of being cruel, then you are a scum bag, but we gotta eat. I think fur breeders should be shut down, simply because the type of rich shit heel that wears a fur coat tend to annoy me just on general principal. Okay, let me cut the bullshit, I took those pictures of the PETA girls because PETA is known for sending scantily clad women out to spread their propaganda, which probably makes me a sexist pig, and should make PETA love me long time, seeings how I am a pig. But when the crazy train veers off the track from skinning defenseless minks for some snooty rich broad, to swatting a measly fly, it's time for me to disembark.

Ive got some kind of glich in my comment section. so I havent disabled them and am working to resolve the issue so people can insult this author. In the meantime you can click the the title at the top of the post and the comment section will appear. Thank you very little for your patience.

update: the problem seems to have resolved itself. comments are now working.

Letterman apologizes......Off with his head.

So I'm sitting here watching Letterman cop dueces ( that means apologize, scuse the lingo) for saying that Sarah Palins daughter got boned by A Rod, that's Alex Rodriguez, and not an actual rod. Palin and Mr. Sarah have their Arctic fleece onesy's all in a bind. They have pretty much accused Letterman of being a pedophile, or at least a creepy old guy. Letterman already apologized, explaining that he thought the oldest daughter was at the game, the one that got knocked up out of wedlock by the whiskey tango lumber jack. Turns out it was the younger one, who has not been knocked up by a lumberjack......yet. Hey its Alaska for christs sake, there ain't exactly a whole lot to do besides watch polar bears raid trash bins, spy on Russia from your back porch, and breed like minks. Yea I said it, so what.

I think the real story is the reaction of people with an agenda. From the drama queen wack job who blogs here in KC to a group of equally clueless frothing at the mouth morons who have started a website demanding that CBS fire Letterman, the real story is the way these people are reacting. They are calling on the ghost of Don Imus. The basic argument is that Don Imus got fired for calling a team of womens Basketball players "nappy headed ho's", so Letterman should be fired as well. The problem with their argument is that none of these people reacted with such fervor when Imus made those comments. In fact I can just about guarantee you that they reacted exactly opposite to the Imus incident. The level of hypocrisy is laughable. Our local Uber fruitcake had no fewer than a half dozen posts on her insipid blog defending free speech and the over reaction that resulted in Imus being fired, meanwhile she calls for Lettermans head. So the joke about one white girl clearly calls for firing, while cracking on a half dozen black girls, meh, not so much. Even more laughable, Embassy Suites, part of the Hilton Hotels Corp has pulled ads from CBS. That would be Hilton, as in super sloot, non panty wearing, bed hopping, Paris Hiltons family. It's a little disingenuous to cry foul over a couple of one liners from a late night talk show host, when one of the major beneficiaries of said corporation is influencing young girls through her own irresponsible behavior.

Look, I don't blame the Palins for being pissed off, the joke was directed at one of their children, that said they are public figures, and public figures lives are under a microscope. They knew that from the git go, but that hasn't stopped them from playing the melodramatic role of victim every single time someone mentions them or theirs in a less than flattering light. The reaction from conservative bloggers is also very telling. They rarely if ever address issues of real injustice when it is directed toward minorities, yet they go ballistic over a couple of jokes that were in poor taste simply because they were directed toward one of their own. Liberals do the same thing, so I'm not just bagging on conservatives. I just find it a tad bit hypocritical when these ass clowns jump on a bandwagon and express such self righteous indignation over a trivial matter, while they either remain mute or defend far worse.

Honking..... Harrassment.......Horse Shit

"Harassment is being defined as actions that put a cyclist in danger. It also prohibits using a car horn or other actions "frightening or disturbing" to a bicyclist"

I ran across this piece of creative drivel via a link on Tonys Kansas City. The Columbia Missouri City Council on Monday will consider an ordinance that would make harassing a bicyclist a Class A misdemeanor. Harrassment includes honking your horn. The proposed ordinance is based on a state law passed in South Carolina. I imagine it is only a matter of time before Cycling Advocates/ activists attempt to pass such a law in the KC metro area. Upon passage the first act should be to ticket a modest 60 percent of the people I see riding bikes throughout the city, for operating a vehicle in an unsafe manner. Before anyone and everyone who rides a bike gets their spandex plum smugglers in a wad, let me say this only applies to those of you who believe a bike belongs smack dab in the middle of traffic. If you think that riding in huge packs, half drunk, like the retards who play rebel the last Saturday of every month, yes Critical Mass douche nozzles I mean you, then the following vitriol applies to you as well. If you think it is perfectly acceptable to run stop signs, red lights, cut diagonally across traffic, slow down dozens of vehicles while peddling in the middle of traffic rather than move over, or any of the countless reckless acts I see bike riders regularly commit, then please be offended, because that is my intention.

This ordinance is a glaring example of a group of people who want it both ways. They expect to be afforded complete use of public roadways, but cant be bothered to use those roadways in a safe and responsible manner. Biking advocates love to parade out the occasional, bike meets car, bike rider gets maimed or killed, it's always the cars fault propaganda. Never mind that half the time the bike rider failed to operate his bike in a safe and responsible manner. Forget the fact that he may have had no lights, reflectors, helmet, or common sense. There is a sense of entitlement among some cyclists, an "I fuckin double dog dare you" attitude that is pervasive in many cyclists. The guy who was killed riding his bike in the dark across the paseo bridge is a prime example. Cyclists used this death to advance the cause for a bike lane to be built on the bridge, because pedaling an extra mile east on Indy avenue to get north of the river without crossing a bridge on a highway is too much effort. Cyclists can abandon all common sense, act in an irresponsible manner, and then blame it on the vehicle moving at 5 times their speed at hundreds of times their weight.

Look, I'm all for bike lanes, I believe that folks who choose to pedal about town have every right to do so without fear of being run over. The problem is a large number of cyclists have no regard for the faster, heavier, vehicles that the roads were originally intended for. Now it appears they also wish to enjoy use of the roads, but don't want to be subject to a car horn even if it is honked to prevent Mr. tight britches from becoming a day glo spandex speed bump. There is a double standard that cyclists live by. They want it both ways, well so do I. If you are going to slow ride your ass down the middle of the road like a car, you should be required to abide by the rules and regulations of the road. You should be licensed. That means a written and driving test. You should have tags. You should be required to have your bike inspected prior to being tagged. That means lights, reflectors, but no horn because it might startle me. You should be required to carry insurance. That way when you cut out in traffic after blowing a light and you get smacked by a two ton vehicle, the blameless driver can recoup the cost of having the damage repaired. Sound reasonable? Depends on your mode of transport. To most cyclists, or at least those who think being honked at is tantamount to harassment, I'm sure it sounds like Ive got a major hard on for anyone riding a bike. I don't, just those who feel they can ignore the rules that apply to cars, while bitching about unsafe drivers.

Fast Eddie Friday...........in black and white.

Is it just me or has it been a racially charged week? Here in Kansas City we have been inundated with news that some guy from a decade old sitcom may or may not have been treated fairly, or unfairly, and was either the victim of racial discrimination, or not. Some octogenarian white supremest murdered a black security officer at the national Holocaust museum. Comment sections in blogs and editorials have been seething with anger, rife with conspiracy theories, and filled with misplaced indignation. So this edition of Fast Eddie Friday is dedicated to the ideal of Racial Harmony. Might as well dedicate it to me winning the lottery, the odds are about the same.

White separatist/supremest/ scumbag James von Brunn walked into the National Holocaust museum and shot Steven T. Johns. The biggest tragedy in this incident is the death of an innocent guy who was just trying to make a living. Johns will get a couple of 20 second sound bytes at best, his killer will be on network and cable news for weeks to come. And that is the second biggest tragedy. I made the mistake of looking at a few of the message boards on some of the separatist sites like stormwatch.org. It doesn't take more than a few seconds to realize just how far removed from reality these douche bags are. Do you know what kind of car Brunn the White Supremest was driving at the time of the murder? A Hyundai........Think about it, a guy who despised all people and things non-white, and he is driving a Korean car. Of course there was the obligatory retarded testament to what a great guy the killer was. His ex wife offered up "He was a fine man and very much of an American," she also compared him to John Wayne. If Brunn lives to see her, he may punch her in her swastika, beings the Duke made his money in the Jewish controlled Hollywood, or something like that.

Madonna has been approved to adopt another African baby! What is it with these celebrities who run off to foreign countries and adopt little foreign kids? They collect them like Beanie Babies, meanwhile here in the country these morons live in, we have plenty of children who need adopting, or just a hot meal. They bring these little kids over here, parade them around for the cameras, then pay someone else to do the actual parenting. Sure the kid is probably better off living with a rich whack job than living in a mud hut and subjected to ritual scarring and being eaten by a lion, except for Micheal Jackson's kids , who are probably on the menu nightly, served with Jesus juice and a side of crazy. Tito bring me a tissue.

And finally, can we put this DJ Jazzy Jeff civil rights controversy to bed? I realize that this would foil the plans of some "activist" types, who are snapping at the bit to bum rush the P&L district with poorly written signs, while doing their best Al Sharpton impersonation. If you are genuinely concerned about the welfare and civil rights of "Your People", how about you picket the KCMO school district and School board meetings. I've got a newsflash for you, children have been sexually assaulted in Kansas City schools while receiving way below par educations that will leave them with little chance of ever rising above poverty. There are children killing one another who aren't even old enough to graduate from these piss poor schools, not that many of them actually graduate. The east side is block after block of blight, drug dealers, gang bangers, and elderly people who are afraid to spend the evening on their own porch, and all of you douche bags are twisted over an entertainment district that will most likely fail due to the economy anyway. So if you really want to be taken seriously, try addressing the issues that are killing young people, rather than getting up in arms over the perceived slight of some guy with a funny nick name.

The truth is this country will always be divided, especially on issues of race. There will always be bigots, racists, hate mongers, and poverty pimps. There will always be people like me, who sit behind a keyboard, spitting out opinions and criticism, which do little to change the situation. There will always be people who go out of their way to be offended and find insult where none was intended. There will always be people who pounce on percieved slights just to gain attention, and to keep controversy alive. There will always be people who incite divisivness and idiots who lap it up like cats to cream.

The next time you see a mother with her baby, in the grocery store, or wherever, pause for a second and look in that childs face. If your lucky it might grace you with a smile, or if you look like me it may erupt in tears. What you wont see is any hate, fear, suspicion , or prejudice. It takes years of hard work to instill those things in a child. We all share responsibility in changing those children for the worse, whether we admit it or not.

Have a safe weekend, see ya monday.

Todays trusting soul is tomorrows lampshade......

News that another case of crazy has come about through Craigslist should come as no surprise, even when it's something as unfathomable as cutting an unborn child from it's mothers womb. Korena Elaine Roberts met Heather Snively via Craigslist while she was looking for supplies for her soon to be born child. Roberts befriended Snively, for the sole purpose of cutting her unborn child from her womb to claim as her own. This is the third such case in the past couple of years. The first thing that came to mind when I heard of this latest incident was "Whats the world coming to". I mean, the act itself, the level of insanity involved, it boggles the mind. The knee jerk reaction is to assume that there are people out there who surpass the crazy people of 10 years ago by virtue of the sheer depravity of their actions. But thats not the truth. In reality the Internet has just made it easier to reach out and touch someone. It's given the predators of this world easy access to the naive victims in waiting. And make no mistake, people are naive victims in waiting.

From pedophiles who perversely hunger for our young, to Nigerian benefactors who prey on our more dull witted,the Internet is like a Serengeti watering hole where predator and pray converge. You would hope that humans are smarter than Wildebeests, unfortunately they seldom are. I've been accused of being a pessimist, always looking at the worst case scenario, finding the negative in every positive, and that's an accurate assessment of my thought process. At the same time my perspective and general stand offishness will keep me from being turned into a lampshade in some dirt floored basement, after "having the lotion on it's skin" for a few weeks. I'm okay with that.

In a perfect world we would all live in peace and harmony and join hands across America like one big Coke commercial. Newsflash, this world ain't exactly perfect. Besides being overly trusting of complete strangers, who may or may not have ill intentions, we all have this "It won't happen to me mentality". We walk around disassociating the harsh reality on the 6 o'clock news. We worry that the boogie man will come in the form of an over sized white t-shirt wearing thug, hell bent on reliving us of our Honda Accord, or in the form of some guy with a funny sounding name and a foreign religion. The truth is you are more likely to be killed by someone you know, or someone you inadvertently invite into your world, than the stereotypical "Face" of crime.

None of this is to say you shouldn't worry about those stereotypical boogie men, you probably should. While you are at it, you should probably add anyone who tries to befriend you after selling you a breast pump on Craigslist. In other words, treat strangers with the same level of suspision you normally reserve for the guy at the Stop n Shop with the funny name and slurpee machine. Not for nothin, but we aint living in a coke commercial.

Cordish pulled the cats tail. Looks like it might require stitches.

Remember when you were little and you would do stupid shit just to tempt fate? You would do something on a dare, or if you were particularly dull witted you might stick something in an electrical outlet, maybe pull the tail of the crazy neighbor lady's cat. You did it anyway, even though you knew that mean one eyed son of a bitch would retaliate by scratching you every where except the bottom of your feet. You kind of new better, but did it anyway, only to act all shocked and shit when it blew up in your face. Well that's what happened to the corporate wobble heads who booked D.J. Jazzy Jeff to perform at the Power and Light district. The difference is that these morons should have known better, they aren't 12 year old boys.

*** I'd like to assure my readers that after this post I will never utter the words Jazzy Jeff again, I honestly feel silly just writing it.****


A little P&L District primer for those not from these parts. The P&L district is a string of over priced eateries and bars, crowned by a big turd of an arena that looks like a disco ball. If anyone was out to kill me I would hide in the P&L district as it is the last place on earth anyone would look for me. Anyway, the P&L district has been shrouded in controversy over a dress code aimed at young black guys, or more accurately , young guys who wear size triple X T shirts, baggy pants, and well, um, okay, it's aimed at young black guys. The idea being , if you keep out all of the people who look and dress a certain way, then you wont have problems from the bad element that also dress that way. Is it racist? Yea,, it probably is. At the very least it's discriminatory, but I could really not care less, as it doesn't effect me directly. In other words, it isn't my battle to fight, Gandhi I ain't. My biggest beef with the P&L district is well documented. I think it's an eyesore, a drain on the city, and they raised a section of downtown that I grew up seeing. So any problems or bad publicity that comes their way is fine by me.


So here is the rundown on the huge race fed debacle that occurred Saturday night. Depending on whose version you buy in to, and they are legion, DJ Jazzy Jeff was about to blow up the half million dollar sound system, or the Cordish dummies got their J Crews in a cashmere wad because one of the guys on stage was grabbing his junk, or because they wanted DJ JJ to play something less black, or because the Cordish guys are all racist sheet wearing hillbillies, or....... the list goes on, and the truth is probably a little of each version all rolled in to one big shit sandwich. What you can bet your FUBU or J Crew on is there will be some fallout, there will be cries of racism. There will be a whole lot of accusations and threats, and then..........nada, nothin, zilch, zero. There will be writers who try to sound all street, Holla Jenee, and compare a trivial incident to some kind of major civil rights violation. There will be writers who will take the side of the P&L district, because lets face it, ad revenue is too vital to the sustainability of our news outlets. In the end nothing will change. Racism and discrimination is in the eye of the beholder. If one beholder is sporting a gold log chain around his neck, and the other beholder is holding a big fat wad of ad dollars in his manicured mitt, guess which eye will win.


The real question to this molehill that wants to be a mountain; Why would Cordish book a Hip Hop act in the first place? That's the Fiddy thousand Cent question. Anybody? No? Well, allow me to break it down for you. Some douche bag in a power suit came up with the bright idea to book a safe Hip Hop act. I imagine the conversation going something like this.

Biff : We really need to do something to squash all the allegations that we are trying to keep black folks out of here.

Skip: Any ideas? Other than actually welcoming the coloreds?

Biff: Lets book DJ Jazzy Jeff !

Skip: Did he play with Mel Torme?

Biff: He was Will Smiths partner.

Skip: Will Smith is gay?

Biff: No, his musical partner. Fresh Prince. Everybody loves the Fresh Prince. Will Smith never curses, his clothes fit, and I don't think he has ever been pinched by the five O for splittin the wig on his ho for comin up short on his scrilla.

Skip: Huh?

Biff: Trust me, this idea is golden. Me and my frat bros loved Will and Jazzy. They are black guys, but they are like PG rated black guys. Besides most of our patrons under the age of 30 are pissed off at their parents, and go out of their way to embrace the coloreds hip hop lifestyle. They will flock like flies to honey. We cant lose.

Skip: I don't think they go by coloreds anymore. What the hell, book em.

My guess is Biff won't be booking anymore acts, at least not for the P&L district. It boggles the mind, why anyone who has gone out of their way to deny entry to a certain section of society, would turn around and invite the very people they banned, only to find themselves caught up in more racial controversy. I don't buy in to the "it's because we are black" theory, at least not in this case. Whoever booked Jazzy Jeff certainly knew he was black, a hip hop artist, and self proclaimed 25 year legend. I'm betting it was a combination of fear that they were going to screw up the sound system, and when told to turn it down, egos and posturing got in the mix, Jazzy stormed off, and created a shit storm on twitter. The problem is that even the utterance of a hint of racial discrimination is enough to create an issue.

Go look at Justin Kendalls piece , then go look at Jenee Osterheldts over wrought, melodramatic missive. Check the comments, the racial divide is as wide as Mick Jaggers mouth. That shit sells. But here's the rub, between those two articles, there are at least a couple hundred comments expressing outrage at this grave racial injustice. Now go look at any of the countless articles about some innocent bystander being killed, or any of the countless stories about some real injustice, I promise you these commentors will be nowhere to be seen. My point, people are ready to bum rush the P&L district over the accusations of some D list has been, while they remain mute over the real issues that effect their neighbors on a daily basis. A molehill that is becoming a small mountain. Somebody should have warned Biff not to pull that cats tail.

not so Fast Eddie Friday.........

Anyone have any idea what the total homicide count is in Kansas City? Don't feel bad, neither do I. What I do know is that it is at least 48. Any idea how many of those victims were white? Yea, I don't know either, but I know it is a slim percentage. Which leads me to my segue,the reaction to the recent murder of abortion doctor James Tiller. More to the point, the reaction that his murder drew. People flocked to vigils in this city to honor and protest the killing of a well heeled, well paid doctor in Wichita. In the many pictures I have seen of the vigil held near the plaza fountain, I did manage to pick out one non white person, otherwise the crowd was as white as the line at a Starbucks.

My point, why do folks care so much for an abortion doctor that they never met, who lived hundreds of miles from this city, while the streets of the east side run red with blood? More to the point, why does the murder of a wealthy doctor from Wichita draw such a strong reaction, while children catching stray bullets, or poor folks gunned down on their front porch creates barely a whimper from these same people? You are aware that all of this city's homicides are not comprised solely of one thug killing another, right? Don't get me twisted, this isn't an issue of protecting a woman's right to choose, which I support, but rather a glaring example of the fucked up priorities of upper middle class white liberals, and a media that panders to them. Apparently the murder of a doctor is abhorrent, while catching a stray bullet on your porch, not so much

There are at least a million other ways to die that are preferable to the way David Carradine died. Choking to death in a closet while choking your chicken is not a good way to go. On the other hand, pun intended, there is something to be said for a guy in his 70's who can still jerk his gherkin. Must be the Kung Fu grip. All kidding aside, the guy was a heroic figure to kids when I was coming up. All of my childhood friends either wanted to be Kung Fu, Billy Jack, or Evel Knievel. All three of these guys turned out to be more than a little kooky, although I idolized Evel. As for me, I idolized Cool Hand Luke, along with Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Look how that turned out, go figure.

So that's it for this week. It's good to be back. I leave you with the video below. Watch it to its conclusion, you won't regret it.

This guy is awesome. From Crime Scene Kansas City

My summer adventure hanging paper.............

So I had this little temp gig for a couple of weeks during my hiatus. You know those people who walk around hanging bags of advertisements for siding or cable offers on folks front doors? Well I wasn't doing that, too much walking for my taste, I was however the lazy bastard who drove around making sure the bags get hung on the doors rather than flung from the window of a moving mid 80's Astro Van. Here's how it's supposed to work. Everyone has a gps tracking device so the people running the show somewhere in the southeast united states can pinpoint what area the fliers are being distributed. I would call in and my dispatcher would send me to an intersection and have me cover the immediate area surrounding it. I drive around, spot a few fliers, take down the addresses, call em in, and move on to the next area. Simple enough, yes? No not so much. The problem was the devices weren't moving in the areas they were supposed to be moving in. They were all pinging from one location, as luck would have it that location was just a couple of miles from me, deep in the dank recesses of Independence Meth-zouri.

The lady who was dispatching me asked me to drive to the location from whence they were pinging. I proceeded to the address in old Independence. The house the pings were coming from was a small brick home. The metal awning that graced the front of the bungalow was bent in the shape of a canoe, I'm guessing a tree limb had fallen on it at some point, making it sag to the point you would have to duck to get under the awning to the front door. The grass was about 18 inches high, there were no fewer than 7 cars, most tagless or sporting temp tags, surrounding the little brick shit hole. You all know Im not one to make hasty decisions based on appearance, okay scratch that. You all know I have no problem drawing hasty conclusions based on appearance. This is Independence, Land of the Lost tooth, the city that never sleeps. If it twitches like a meth addict, if it tweaks like a meth addict, if it looks like a meth addict, well it's probably a meth addict.

So I call my dispatcher and tell her that the address the pings came from was the afore described brick shit house. I think I told her they should call the place Camp Sleepy, or some equally wise assed comment. That's the thing about humor, one mans funny is anothers not so funny. She didn't get it, so I explained in layman's terms that she could understand. I described the house, the fleet of 20 odd year old vehicles. I explained that Independence was notorious for painfully skinny folks who imbibe home brewed weight loss products whilst sporting mullets and neck tattoos. As you can imagine, my dispatcher didn't know if I was a wise ass, I am, or just exaggerating,I wasn't. So she asks if I have a digital camera at home. Clearly she didn't know about my mad skillz as the Urban Blight photog of Kansas City. I tell her yes I've got one. She asks if I'll go home and get it, take a few shots of the place and the cars, and send them to her, adding that of course they will pay me for the full day. So I run home, come back, snap a few pics, and call it a day.

Day two. The dispatcher assures me that the people are on track and will be hanging fliers, toot sweet, just hang tight and we will be sending you out. After a couple of hours she calls me back, all of the gps devices are pinging from another location in Independence. The Super Budget Inn, or some such redundant name, is located behind a greasy spoon on 40 highway. Either this pack of chuckle heads were having a two hour romance with some biscuits and gravy or they were all holed up in a room. She sent me home again paying me for the entire day.

Day three she sends me way the hell out to deepest, beige-ist JoCo. She tells me that they are moving in that area as we speak. It didn't take me long to find them. As much as I like to poke fun of my west O state line brethren, I will say that they are clean, neat, and they all look alike. You don't normally see ragamuffin characters walking the residential neighborhoods west of Quivira. They were walking down a tree lined street of manicured lawns, stuffing the fliers in the curbside mail boxes, which is a big no no. But hey, the mail boxes were closer than the front doors. I call in and tell the dispatcher I've located them and when she hears about the mail boxes she is none to happy. She tells me to keep circling the block, tail them so to speak. Bad idea. After they spot my car circling them the 7th or 8th time, they flee the area. I think they got spooked. The dispatcher tells me they all ended back at the house in Independence. I ended up getting paid for two weeks worth of work, and I spent less than 40 hours all told, and I found fewer than 20 fliers. We are starting back up with a new crew Monday. should be a hoot. Meth is a hell of a drug.

Pass the ketchup, this crow is dry as hell.......

Ever say something then wish you could take it back? We all have, most of us are smart enough to not put it in writing. When I said I was done with this blog, I honestly meant it. It had all grown tiresome, the daily grind of trying to find something worth saying. If I failed to put something up I felt guilty, if I threw some shit against the wall hoping it would stick, it would make me feel guilty. I was taking it too seriously, it ceased being fun. After a few weeks away from it, I regretted having pulled the plug. I was wrong to do it, it was a hasty decision born out of frustration, writers block, and an egotistical flair for the melodramatic, because that's how I roll. The good thing about plugs, they go back in just as easy as they came out, even if you have to bend it a little. So that's what I'm doing here, bending it a little.


I know there will be a few douche bags who want to call me wishy washy, accuse me of blog drama, hit me with the "Liar Liar pants on fire" counter attack. To be honest that's part of the reason I'm coming back, I miss my trolls. The real reason though, all bullshit aside, is I miss writing. I miss putting in my slightly tarnished 2 cents. If all else fails I can use the old "I'm a criminal my word ain't worth dick" defense. I appreciate all of the comments, even the ones that called me a pole smoking ass clown, which I'm not. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I don't intend to paint myself in another corner by posting every day of the work week. I may post 5 times or one or two. No more forcing it. So I hope you all can overlook my temporary lapse and continue to waste your time reading me at work. I do apologize for the back and forth, Brett Favre, I'm in, I'm out, routine. OOOPs my bad. I'm in. Next time I'll just quietly fade in to the ether.