It's stored in the safe................

In prison the rectum is like a Fedex, and a Floor Safe. The lions share of dope in prison is smuggled in balloons, up some dudes balloon knot, or they swallow it and let nature run it's course. It's a nifty place to store your personal valuables, drugs, shanks, the remote for the TV room. Now before you get the wrong idea, everyone in the joint isn't using their ass like a Truckers Wallet, just the people with shit, heh, to hide. And no, I never personally used my colon as a safe deposit box. The subject of the Ass Wallet, or Safe, actually has a purpose in this post, I have a point, just hold your horses.

Stashing something up your ass is The Final Act of Desperation, I'm sure most people don't do it for fun, except maybe Ryan Seacrest. It's an act born as a means to an end, heh x 2, the end result being concealment when hiding places are at a premium. It always amazed me that guys could carry a shiv up their ass and somehow get to it in a hurry if need be. Like in Highlander, Christopher Lambert carries his sword in a sheath behind his back. I still can't figure out the mechanics of removing a piece of metal from your ass in an expedient manner, it's like Houdini or something. I can't say I ever saw anyone quick draw a shank from their backside, so it will have to remain a mystery.

Suicide bomber Abdullah Asiri had inserted around half a kilogram of explosives into his own body to carry out his failed assassination attempt of Prince Muhammad Bin Naif, Assistant Minister of Interior for Security Affairs, last week. That would be 1.10 pounds of explosives up his ass. Talk about dedication. So the bomb was set off with a cellphone, no word on if it was also in his trunk. Anyway, this ass clown was one of Saudi Arabia's most wanted, and he convinced this prince he wanted to give up. The bomber persuaded the prince he wanted to leave al Qaeda, setting a trap. So he is in the company of the Princes Secret Service agents for 30 hours, before he gets a sit down with the Prince. Miraculously the dude just blew his own ass off and the Prince was only slightly injured, although I'm sure he is going to have to repaint the room.

This Islamic Terrorist freak might not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but his dedication and willingness to set off a bomb in his ass, is probably the scariest thing I've read this week. How do you protect against people who conceal explosives inside their own body? While this is an unpopular opinion, and probably surprising coming from me, the mindset of these terrorists almost makes a decent argument for some of the tactics we used on them. Water boarding seems almost tame when compared to the agony of shoving over a pound of explosives up your ass on the installment plan. If a guy is prepared to do something that insane, is threatening his family or pouring water in his face really too extreme? I don't know the answer, but when you are dealing with that level of crazy, maybe all bets are off.

Roman Polanski, there ain't any trees in prison......

In the words of Strother Martin, the Warden known simply as Captain, in one of Hollywoods greatest movies, Cool Hand Luke, "What we've got here is failure to communicate." Stick with me for a minute, I'm actually going somewhere with this. We, us , the US of A, are Strother Martin. France, Poland , and most of Hollywood, are Luke, except they aren't cool, in fact they are mostly douche bags and shit heels. I already knew that the only good French were the ones who fled to Canada and Louisiana, leaving their pompous, smarmy, snail eating, beret wearing, countrymen behind for a better class of people. I am surprised that the Poles have decided to show their ass, must be the vodka.

Of course I'm off on this rant over the audacity of France and Poland to criticize and cock block the U.S. , in the wake of Roman Polanski's arrest on a U.S. extradition warrant. For anyone living in a cave for the past 30 years here is a Midtown Miscreant condensed version of the Polanski saga.

Polanski's mother is killed in a Nazi concentration camp.

Polanski makes a couple of movies. Sorry Chinatown blew.

Polanski's wife Sharon Tate is killed by Manson clan.

Okay, so far Roman Polanski has had some undeniably harsh shit take place in his life.

Then Roman decides to slip a 13 year old girl a piece of a Quaalude, washed down with champagne, a potentially deadly combination by the way. Once she is out of it, Polanski rapes her.

He cop's a plea with the Los Angeles District Attorney for time served, which amounts to a couple of months or so.

The Judge in the case says not so fast, I'm not going with the D.A.'s recommendation.

Polanski flees the U.S. before he is sentenced, and goes on to have a 30 plus year career, and live the high life in France, where it is apparently perfectly acceptable to drug and fuck children.

I say that because the French Foreign Minister has said this about Polanski's arrest in Switzerland , ""Frankly, it's all a bit sinister,". French Culture Minister Frederic Mitterrand told reporters, "In the same way that there is a generous America that we like, there is also a scary America that has just shown its face." One of these douche bags also accused the U.S. of having puritanical views or some such shit.

The victim reached a settlement with Polanski, and while she admits the incident occurred, she says she wants it to die. Polanski's lawyer says his client is in a fighting mood. That's good, in the event he is extradited, and in the unlikely event that he gets time, his fighting mood will serve him well in the pen. I think the term "Fight, Fuck, or Climb a Tree" was coined in San Quentin, and there ain't no trees in prison. Of course it's highly unlikely he will serve any time. He has money, he has the support of the ingrates in France and Poland. So most likely Roman won't be doing any time, and I'll be shocked if he gets extradited. There is already talk of bond while he fights extradition, never mind that he has been a fugitive from justice for 3 decades plus. So this post isn't about justice, either denied or served. It is about the attitude of the French. We are often called arrogant by the rest of the world, and we are. But in terms of arrogance we are small American fries compared to the folks in the land of mimes and clarified butter. This isn't the first time I've played the dozens with the French. I've said before that if it weren't for us, they would be eating Sauerkraut and Sausage, and speaking German. The fact that they are now trying to bow up on us over some elitist douche bag rapist, just adds insult to injury.

Now to that failure to communicate. Clearly the Frogs and the Poles don't get it. They don't understand the laws and social mores of this country.

In this country, if you drug and fuck a 13 year old girl in Jack Nicholson's hot tub, that's rape. If you plead guilty, the Judge isn't bound to follow the prosecutions recommendation. If you flee after the fact, the debt you owe doesn't disappear. Claiming the judge is a publicity whore is beside the point. France and Poland have the memory of flies, they owe us, they are perpetually indebted to us. They exist today because Americans laid down their lives to save their ungrateful asses. To take the side of an admitted rapist, regardless of the time that has passed, regardless of his citizenship, is tantamount to spitting in our collective American face.

The Chiefs lost, a Kardashian got married, oh yeah, and some black kid almost got killed.

Can I get a priority check here? Testing, testing, 123, hello is there anybody in there? I'm finding tons of coverage about the Chiefs loss, a plethora of news about a lone black male in an over sized white T shirt who is the target of a big search, after shooting at the cops, good luck with that, Iran fired a missile on the other side of the world, but I really had to look for The Story. A 13 year old boy gets hit by glass, from a bullet that narrowly missed him, while he is inside of a school building, and it garners maybe 2 minutes of reporting and a couple of paragraphs. I hate to start out the week pointing out the disparity in coverage, but I'm afraid I must.

The shooting, a road rage incident, occurred on the east side, or as our Mayors lovely wife once referred to it, on The Black Side of town. Some sociopath fires on a car that had two children inside it, several stray rounds hit the old Southeast High school building, which is apparently a magnet elementary school now, a bullet goes through a window, close enough for the shards of glass to strike a 13 year old, and..........wait..........hold it.........nothing. The news crews showed up, nobody was killed or seriously wounded, so the story dies on the vine. Had this occurred north of the river, or god forbid, west of the state line, coverage would have preempted regular programming until next Wednesday. Since it was east of the equator/Prospect, it's business as usual, right?

I don't tend to cut folks in the black community a whole lot of slack, I don't give the young gangstas much sympathy, or the folks who sit silent on the east side, complacent and tolerant of the predators who have decimated their neighborhoods. I don't usually buy into the rhetoric about how the media doesn't do enough, or the police don't do enough, or the city doesn't do enough. I don't have a problem pointing out the hypocrisy of activists, the blame shifters who indict white America for their lack of empathy, while refusing to accept responsibility for their own complacency. I think it's lazy and self serving, I figure people need to clean up their own messes. That said, the scant coverage of this latest incident has given me pause, it's making me rethink my way of looking at , if not all, at least some of the mayhem that occurs with such regularity that a child being almost killed inside of a school is deemed less important, less newsworthy than another loss from a sub par football team.

It's not the fault of the JoCo soccer mom, or the middle class Waldo resident, that the media moves on to the story that will pull in the viewer or reader. But I wonder if we haven't all become a little jaded, if the ongoing carnage that effects this city hasn't desensitized us all to the point of not caring. I'm not ready to jump on the "It's Racism" bandwagon, but I'm not going to stand in its way as it comes down the road. You can argue that the incident would have drawn more coverage in Blue Springs because it would be a rare occurrence, you can say "nobody was seriously hurt, so it wasn't big news", you can point back to my own often stated argument that the people on the east side need to clean up their own mess, but none of those arguments really hold water. Among the sparse coverage, I couldn't find any description of the shooter/shooters. But it occurred off of Meyer and Prospect, so I'll assume the suspects didn't roll out of Mission Hills, I'll assume they were probably from the area, I'll assume that the suspects are black. Since the school is some kind of Magnet African studies elementary school, I'll assume the child is also black. While I'm on the train going through Assumption Junction, I'll also go out on a limb and say that it's a safe bet the media would have been all over this story like stink on a pig if this had happened in a predominately white area.

I don't blame the media or the public in general for not falling all over themselves every single time someone is shot or killed on the east side. More often than not it isn't some random shooting, the victim is often as dirty as the shooter, gangs and drugs more often than not are the catalyst behind the violence. When people attempt to blame everyone but the major players in the latest incident, I find it to be disingenuous and lazy. But when a child, is almost killed by a random bullet, in an elementary school, it's a big deal, regardless of where it happens. When the media fails to really dig into the story, when that story garners so little attention, it lends credence to the allegations that "nobody cares when it's a black kid". To pretend otherwise would make me a bigger hypocrite than the people I often accuse of playing the race card. So if anyone accuses the media and city officials of not caring that a kid was almost killed, based on the child's race, you won't get any argument out of me. Not this time.

The Max factor.......

You may have noticed a lack of posts last week from Tuesday on. I've been dealing with a severely ill dog, Max to be exact. He has come down with the same thing that killed Louie, his kidneys aren't functioning properly. Daily trips to the vet for IV hydration, rounds of medication, have been my main preoccupation. The outlook was bleak, but he seems to be responding, and there are glimpses of the old Max, in between his marathon sleep sessions. It's still touch and go, but the odds are swinging in his favor. He has rarely left my side in over 7 years, lets hope he recovers for another seven. Anyway, the show must go on, and I need a diversion, so, more posts on the way, stay tuned.

His parents should have named him Sue.

This is a re-post from about a year back. It ties in pretty good with my previous post about the girl filing an EEOC complaint/suit against that purveyor of douchedom and shredded ball caps, Abercrombie and Fitch..
Jarek Molski has filed more than 400 lawsuits, he has been paid hundreds of thousands, to just go away already. Molski plied his trade , ran his hustle, give it a name, on restaurants, bowling alleys, retail businesses, all under the guise of the Americans With Disabilities Act. Now the Supreme court has upheld an earlier ruling by a California judge who banned Molski from filing lawsuits. Molski was travelling in Europe when the ruling came down. Molski is confined to a wheelchair, and I think he should have his spokes broke, maybe tip him over on his side for good measure.

It's guys like Molski that ensure you will have to walk a quarter mile across Walmart's parking lot, because all of the non-handicap parking spots are in the nosebleed section. Ever see anyone wheeling around Walmart in a wheelchair, other than a greeter? I didn't think so. Oh sure you see the occasional fat lady in pink stretch pants, careening down the middle of the potato chip aisle at a blistering 2.5 Mph. Chances are she isn't crippled anyway, just lazy, or maybe she just likes driving that stretched out rascal with a grocery cart stuck on the front.

It doesn't stop with paraplegic hustlers and obese women in Lycra. Someone , somewhere, right this fucking second, is about to get paid, for some offensive oversight, unintentional insult, for not being treated special, or for being treated special, thereby offending that person by calling attention to their affliction or other specialness. So the big retailers like Walmart mark off a couple of hundred parking spaces for Handicap only, even though the only handicap guy in the store is wearing a blue vest and shoving a shopping cart at you, I wonder if he has to park in the employee parking. Another common practice is to just pay the complaining party off. And why not, it doesn't cost Walmart a penny, it cost's Joe the six pack drinking plumber. Walmart just bumps up the price of those Nascar lounge pants, or those chocolate covered deep fried Twinkies the stretch pants broad just shoved in her Rascal.

I knew a guy who did slip and falls. I hated going anywhere with him. You never knew, he might just trip on a grape or pull a case of paper towels off the shelf, and on to himself. He would go to different cities and rent a car. He gets the insurance, natch, a couple of days in to his stay, he gets rear ended, hit and run, you get the picture. A few months in a neck brace, cha-ching. His girlfriend always drove the car that hit him, some old junker they would pick up or steal. Always on a side street, always at night. He was a thief, a crook, there was no denying it. But I've got more respect for that guy, than for people like Molski. Molski fancies himself an advocate, a voice for the handicapped everywhere. The problem is, nobody told the handicapped about it, hell they never even got to vote on it. They don't want some whiny, jet setting, serial plaintiff as an advocate.

Now before somebody gets their truss in a wad, I'm not lumping all handicap people in with this Molski douche bag. Cripple people have as much right as the next guy, to buy crappy clothing, made by 4 year olds, in a Burmese sweat shop. Obese people have every right to the same wide array of ring dings and wam wams as skinny people, I get it. The problem lies with the businesses who prefer to bow down, to pay off, and shut up, rather than go to court. Sure they will have some legal expenses, they will lose a few, but in the long run the businesses and the customers win. Take it from me, criminals are criminals for a very good reason. The whole object is to make as much money, with as little effort as possible. If the fruit isn't ripe and easy to pick, it's too much like work. If they don't just roll over, if they let it go to court, if they make people like Molski work for it, then the problem will go away to some other hustle. It really is as simple as that.

But , that's not going to happen, it's easier to just pay up, and charge it to everyone else. I guess, all things being equal, I don't have much room to talk or complain. Still, would it be too much to ask for a few parking spaces that don't require an over night bag and a Sherpa? And maybe somebody could tell the Lycra Lady to keep that fucking Rascal to one side of the aisle or the other.

A muslim walks in to Abercrombie and Fitch and applies for a job........

Sounds like the beginning of a politically incorrect joke, the punchline would have something to do with overpriced distressed burkas, or whatever. Well it's no joke, and the punchline is a real hoot. AF is getting sued for not hiring the young woman. In the lawsuit filed Wednesday in U.S. District Court in Tulsa by the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, 17-year-old Samantha Elauf said she applied for a sales position at the Abercrombie Kids store in the Woodland Hills Mall in June 2008. The teen, who wears a hijab in accordance with her religious beliefs, claims the manager told her the head scarf violates the store's "Look Policy." There is a multitude of shit wrong with this story, I'll try to hit the high points without getting too long winded, I can't promise any political correctness.

Let me start with the obvious, anyone who shops at an Abercrombie and Fitch should be forced to spend the remainder of their pathetic, jaded lives, wearing Rustler Jeans and subsisting on Slim Jims and bad haircuts from one of those discount super smart cutz joints. Anyone who buys their children's clothing at an AF, should be arrested for child abuse, clearly they are grooming the child to be another tragically hip douche bag. You can buy shitty, over sized clothes for your pup at Walmart, run over it 3 or 4 times in your driveway, hit the seams with sandpaper, and splatter some paint or something on it, voila, Abercrombie and Fitch. Abercrombie and Fitch is the leading cause of douchitivity in seven out of ten hipsters, it's a pandemic, and it must be stopped. If you shop at AF, and read this blog, you had best cease the practice of one or the other. Wearing a ragged, gray, size 3 x sweatshirt, with a giant fuckin AF on the front of it, while reading this blog, will make your head explode, ruining your day as well as your shitty looking plaid ball cap with the frayed bill. I'm sorry if I come off a little hostile, but I loathe places like AF, and I'm not overly fond of the INK reading, soy latte sipping, shit birds that tend to shop there.

That bit of diplomacy out of the way, let me say I defend Abercrombie and Fitch right to not hire this girl based on the way she looks, or more to the point, her manner of dress. I also believe the young woman either on her own initiative, or through someone else coaxing, applied for this job knowing full well she would be turned down. This stunt is a money or attention grab, and it's a big part of what is wrong in todays overly litigious society. I know of at least one lawyer who reads this blog, that will probably disagree with me, but lawyers tend to have a vested interest in what constitutes a persons right to sue. Coffee too hot, burn yourself while talking on the phone, applying your makeup, whilst driving down I 70? Sue the fucker who made your coffee too fuckin hot. Offended that your 9 year old atheist has to stand when the class says the Pledge of Allegiance, take the school to court. Frivolous lawsuits are a staple in Prison. One joint I was in was sued over crosses on the end of the chapel pews. The Moorish Americans found them offensive, said the Christian religion had slaughtered their people down through the ages, or some such bullshit. Mind you , these guys were about as Moorish as I am Mexican, in other words, they were a bunch of clowns in Prison who hated white people and liked wearing Fez's like Shriners. Only without the parades or crazy clown cars. So the prison chaplain had the crosses removed.

A guy I knew pretty well back in the day, made his living off of lawsuits. He did slip and falls, had a lawyer and a doctor on call, he made some major ducats, and it was his main hustle for a good twenty years. Today, people will sue your ass in the blink of an eye, you may even win the lawsuit, but you'll most likely go broke doing it. Now back to the matter at hand. AF has a "look policy", I won't go into the whole thing here, but the gist is you need to look like one of the pretty douche nozzles that work there. However offensive I find AF to be to my senses, I understand why they want a certain look in their employees. When was the last time a morbidly obese woman with a flat chest worked at Hooters? Ever see a guy in a Yarmulke working at a Rib Shack? How about a white male sales clerk at Harold Penners? My point is, everyone isn't a good fit in every work place. People know that, the obese lady knows Hooters only hires skinny chicks with big breastizuz. The Jewish guy doesn't want to be delivering pulled pork to some nascar fan. And the Muslim girl knows that AF doesn't have a line of designer burkas. She knew when she walked through that door, she wasn't going to be hired, based on her look. I'm betting she was lawyered up before the ink was dry on her application.

Discrimination based on religion, race, ethnicity, sex, sexual orientation, is wrong, plain and simple. That said, if you are required to dress a particular way, a burka for example, then you shouldn't be surprised when your look doesn't fit in with a retailers required look. If this young lady can sue AF, then whats next? Hasidic Jews can sue Ford Modelling Agency for not hiring male runway models with those funny hats and Shirley Temple curls they sport. Know why there arent any Hasidic Jews suing modelling agencies? Because it's stupid, that's why. Because any reasonable person understands that a business based on a certain demographic, on a particular look, isn't inclined to hire the polar opposite of that look. When it's all said and done, AF will probably settle out of court rather than engage in a lengthy court battle that will cost far more than a one time hush payment. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go apply for a job at Victoria's Secret, because it's perfectly reasonable for a 50 year old white man to pedal over priced panties to twenty something women.

Fast Eddie Friday..Defcon 1

The power of suggestion is a helluva drug. News that a young woman, reportedly healthy, with no pre existing conditions , died from Swine Flu, aka H1N1, has got me as jumpy as Fred Phelps at a gay pride rally. Seriously, I'm considering crafting my own bio hazard suit from trash bags, garden hose, and duct tape. My girlfriend is a nurse, so she is suspect as a possible carrier, I plan on spraying her down with rubbing alcohol and baby oil when she comes home from work. Yeah, I know baby oil isn't a disinfectant, worry about your own flu prevention protocol and get out of mine, mmmkay? Since this whole swine flu thing started , what 6 months ago, every time I hear of someone giving up the ghost , I get all achy and short of breath. It's like when someone mentions crabs and you get a sympathetic itch all of a sudden. I hate getting sick, luckily it's been a rare occurrence in my 50 years. I've had the flu maybe 3 or 4 times in my life, and each time I'm convinced beyond reason that the grim reaper is going to pop out of a closet and take my surly ass on an elevator ride to the basement. So if you happen to see a guy wrapped in lawn and leaf bags at the Independence Price Chopper, pulling a box of Captn Crunch from the shelf with salad tongs, give him 6 feet, lest you get a face full of rubbing alcohol via a super soaker. I'm not fucking around.

Speaking of Independence, the local news has had a few reports over the past couple of months about groups of ruffians and ruffiettes, doing their best Tyler Durdan Fight Club impression. Here is a clip.
What we have here is a couple of Whiskey Tango up and comers, amped up on Malt Liqour, Emeniem CD's, and mom's Xanax, trying to prove to their buddies what bad asses they are. It would be funny if it weren't for the recent church parking lot murder of the young father who was attacked by a similar set of douche bags. A group of concerned citizens have come together led by Tina-Wyatt Rockers of the Susquehanna Fort Osage Neighborhood Crime Watch Group. There is a lesson here for folks in Kansas City, particularly on the east side and in midtown. This lady decided enough is enough, she is doing something about the bad element in her neighborhood. She calls the cops, has recorded a couple of the fights, and has taken to the media. Granted there is a big difference between the threat posed by middle class white D bags, who drive around in 10 year old Honda preludes with bumble bee mufflers, and the genuine article gangsta armed with AK 47's, roaming KC proper, who would just as soon kill you as look at you. The point is, looking the other way, going mute when you see a crime take place, is why KC has become a killing field.

And finally, posting has been a little on the light side around here lately. I'm working on some stuff and hopefully in the near future I'll be bringing you some exclusive stories that may blow the roof off of this blog, and find their way into mainstream media and the big time Interwebs. In the meantime, stick around and I'll do my best to engage, enrage, and amuse you. Have a safe weekend, and cover your cake hole when you cough, or risk getting doused in Isopropyl.

Jimmy Carter and the White Mans Burden....

Somebody care to tell me when Jimmy the Peanut Carter, became the voice of white conscience for the American people? Anybody? Hey don't speak up all at once. Well, somebody must have appointed the knuckle head and failed to tell the rest of us. Jimmy is speaking out, he has plenty to say, and if you disagree with him you are most likely the people he is railing against. Carter can see inside your heart, he is like Santa, he knows if you've been good or bad, and he can smell racism like his brother Billy could smell beer. Here is what Jimmy C has to say on the recent opposition to Obama, and more pointedly, the major, ass display, of S.C. Rep. Joe you lie Wilson; "I think an overwhelming portion of the intensely demonstrated animosity toward President Barack Obama is based on the fact that he is a black man, that he's African American." Did you catch that? Not some of the people are racist, or a portion of the people are racist, but an Overwhelming portion, in other words, the majority.

I'm not about to defend Wilson, he was out of line, classless, and disrespectful, when he called the President a liar. But that doesn't make him a racist, it just makes him a major douche nozzle. I'll even go one step further, Wilson might be a racist, I can't speak to his heart, unlike Carter I'm not a mind reader. Wilson might have Tourettes for all I know, perhaps he just has no filter between his mouth and his ass. Even if Wilson is the Grand Imperial Poo bah of the KKK, calling someone a liar is not a racist statement. Now, back to Carter. Jimmy is from the deep south, Georgia, racist cracker central. He looks through the eyes of someone who has seen large numbers of whites who are dyed in the wool racists. Much like Al Sharpton, Jimmy has taken it upon himself to paint white America, especially conservative white America, with a wide brush. And much like Al Sharpton, Jimmy's rhetoric only drives a deeper wedge between an already divided country. Making racially charged allegations, based on a gut feeling, founded on his past experience growing up in a state that is practically a third world country in terms of development, Jimmy only hurts, he never really helps.

I'm starting to get pissed at the apologetic liberal Jimmy Carters of this country. They are sounding more like the neo conservative, fundamentalists, the group they loathe with such passion and single mindedness. This country is being manipulated by the minority fringes, the uber liberal, or ultra conservatives. These people do and say extreme and ridiculous shit. They pack assault weapons to town hall meetings, they paint Hitler mustaches on the President's picture, they claim anyone white who disagrees with our President is a racist. They call for the former President to be tried for war crimes, they hung effigies of Sarah Palin in Los Angeles, the moronic behavior and idiotic statements and accusations seem to know no bounds. Our Senate and Congress can't get anything done for us because they are too busy trying to paint the opposition as the anti Christ, or hooded Klansman. I'm getting pissed because they think we are idiots, that we will buy whatever horseshit they are selling. It's an insult to the intelligence of everyone in this country.

I don't need Jimmy Carter to tell me when racism rears its ugly head. Racism speaks for itself, it's not hard to spot. I also resent Carter using his voice to assuage his own white guilt, while indicting half of America on charges of being racist. Jimmy is supposed to be an elder statesman, he is supposed to bring opposing sides together, he is supposed to unite, rather than divide. The fact is we have a black President, there are some people who object to Obama purely on his skin tone. At the same time Obama is President because of white voters, not in spite of them. There isn't a country on this blue marble that doesn't have some racism, or prejudice based on ethnicity, class , or religious belief. That is a fact of life, it's in our DNA, we will never be completely free of it, and we all have a little of it in us, even if we deny it, it's there, be you white, black, or fuscia. The issues in this country go beyond race, it's bigger than that. I'm not naive, I'm well aware that race is a real issue of contention in this country. That said, simply disagreeing , or even calling someone a liar, doesn't make you a racist by proxy, simply because the target happens to be a different color.

When you make unfounded accusations, when you cry racism where it doesn't exist, it only gives voice to more conflict. We have enough on our plate without some third rate presidential failure adding to it with his misplaced white guilt. The current batch of vindictive Democrats, the ones calling for the head of Wilson, are just like the Republican bullies they cried about when the dems were a minority. We don't have a congress, we don't have a senate, we have a bunch of 13 year olds flipping boogers at one another in between pissing matches. Shit keeps up, I'm moving to Amsterdam, and this time I mean it.

Do we need tougher bullying laws, or are we raising a bunch of pussies?

I loathe posts from middle aged white guys that compare the good old days to the fucked up as a, soup sandwich present. I try to avoid being That Guy. Unfortunately this is one subject where I will have to call on my inner middle aged grouchy guy perspective. There has been some talk in the media lately about creating more bully laws. There are websites devoted to enforcing bully laws. We all know why bullying laws exist. School shootings, Internet harassment that leads to suicide, or more school shootings, a politically correct and uber sensitive society that strives to nurture kids by slathering praise for the most mundane achievements. We have a cable channel devoted to saying the alphabet, accompanied with bunnies hopping through fields of clover, all designed to teach your 6 month old infant to be a sensitive, bunny loving, genius by 7. If a kid is sullen, less than chatty, or moody, we have them screened for autism. If they are too active, we pump em full of Ritalin. We treat depressed teens with anti depressant meds, we coddle, shelter, and blow smoke up their collective young ass, all in the name of nurturing in the new millennium. Parents, educators, and shrinks, ensconce the young in Bubble Wrap Suits of over protectiveness, raising up hoards of Bubble boys and girls who crumble, crack, or snap, when life bites them in the ass.

I wrote about Joey Jeckyl, his real name, who was like a giant flashing bulls eye for bullies at John T Hartman elementary. Joey wore a puffy, fake fur hoody, way before puffy, fake fur hoodies were in fashion. He had a weird voice, nasally, whiny, and he drug words out way to long. Instead of Leave me alone, Joey would say Leeeeeeave, Meeeeee, Aloooooone. Drawing out each word a little longer than the last, with long pauses in between each word. Joey's coat and way of talking were the equivalent of running from a bear, it just encouraged the bully. I also wrote that Joey rang my bell one day with his lunch box. And it wasn't some pressed tin Archies lunchbox, it was a heavy ass metal fucker like your dad carried to the construction site, with a heavy thermos inside in a wire cradle. Joey did a semi Deebo, and almost Knocked me the Fuck out with that lunch box. I deserved it, and I gave him a wide berth there after. Joey took a whole lot of shit, for a whole lot of years. He never shot up the school, chewed off his mothers face, or killed himself. He took a stand with me, and it worked, I got the message.

The fact is, from as far back as I can remember, up to my mid 20's, I can only think of a couple of young people who killed themselves. The closest thing to a school shooting was the sniper in some Texas University bell tower, which may have been before my time as well. But these are different times now. The Internet, myspace, facebook, chat rooms, threads, message boards. The dot com world of anonymity that allows and even encourages pissing in your peers Post Toasties.

When one of these spoiled little shits goes postal, the parents and media rush to blame video games, music, and bullies, if it's a kid from the suburbs. Even the most horrific acts, like the Columbine school shootings, the killers get a partial pass. They were outsiders, might have been bullied, they were exposed to violent video games, the parents didn't have a clue. And there's the rub; The parents didn't have a clue.

It's easier to coddle these little pricks, conjure up a multitude of psycho babble and excuses, than to hold them accountable. If little Joey can't get along in a regular school, we have a string of alternative schools where he can while away the hours, getting in touch with his inner self while making clay pots or writing gothic poems. The end result is an adult that is ill prepared for the world that awaits beyond mummy and daddy's over protective grasp. They stumble through their adult years, whining, blaming, under achieving. They raise up carbon copies of themselves, creating shit heels in their own image.

We don't need more laws protecting kids from one another. Bullying is a fact of life, it doesn't stop when we reach 18. Making up a "new criminal offense", putting a new label on an old fact of life isn't the answer. When these Bubble kids hit the real world they are going to encounter an unending string of bullies. At work, next door, on the street, bullying doesn't end at graduation. Bullying is born in school, but that's just the beginning. Life is a series of ups and downs, highs and lows. Most of us except that. There will always be people who try to run over you, it's a fact of life. There won't be any bully laws to protect Joey from the guy who wants that promotion, or has his eye on Joey's job, or Joey's wife. If Joey never had to take a stand when he was a kid, he is going to be ill prepared to be anything other than a door mat later in life. Kids need to learn that you can't always depend on someone else stepping in, sometimes you have to take a stand. There are more effective ways to deal with a bully, other than creating a law that can't be enforced. I'd suggest a heavy ass lunch box and growing a pair of balls for starters. But, that's just me.

****special credit to Old Fart for coining the phrase Bubble Wrap Suit*****

Fast Eddie Friday... Justice, fast and loose.....

Yesterdays post was just the tip of the iceberg. Judge John Torrence is no stranger to cutting breaks for those who deserve it the least. Torrence gave probation to Jarred Elwood, who committed an 8 year string of ongoing sexual molestation. Elwood molested a 6 year old child, and continued to violate his victim for eight years. Torrence deemed this freak worthy of probation. Remember Curtis Mertensmeyer? The over privileged cake eater from Mission Hills, who struck a young man with his car on Ward Parkway, killing him, then fleeing the scene. Torrence brought him back to court after shock time, and granted him probation. I've no doubt that Torrence has sent many people to prison for a hell of a lot less. Sadly, this isn't anything new. Deals are made everyday in our courts. For every undeserving scum bag who catches a break, there is an endless stream of less wealthy, or less white defendants who get more time than they can reasonably do. Many of them deserve it, but are they more deserving than the two douche bags Elwood let walk. We dole out what is tantamount to a life sentence to the young black kid slinging dope on the corner without even blinking an eye. Maybe that's a just sentence when you look at the repercussions of the initial crime. Families suffer, lives are lost, property crimes increase, the list goes on. Crack cocaine has devastated the black community, turned neighborhoods into war zones and killing fields. So it's not a victimless crime. But when the same judges who send young black kids away for life, or 20 years, or even 10, when these same judges allow the Mertensmeyers and Elwoods to walk away from their crimes, justice becomes tainted.

I once wrote about an older black career criminal I grew up knowing. In the twisted world of criminals, I had alot of respect for Willie. Sure he was a crook, so was I, but we were both from a different era of criminals. Willie had been at it for a long time, I was coming in at the end, when the rules and game were starting to change. In that post I mentioned how Willies son was mixed up in gangs and dope. About 2 years into my bit I met a guy from Kansas City, he went by the name Tadpole. He was the standard Hollywood stereotype of a black convict. Big, over loaded with muscle from an endless cycle of weight lifting, and an infinite number of push ups. I'd run into Tadpole out on the handball courts, where he was a big lumbering mediocre player. His saving grace was being able to hit the ball hard enough to bust it every now and again. Handballs are hard as hell, it takes a whole lot of strength to bust a handball.

Tadpole had a 35 year sentence, in federal prison that translates to around 30 years. Kingpin is a term that the feds toss around in drug conspiracy cases. Former KCFD captain Gilbert Dowdy learned that being a Kingpin is a bad thing. Gilbert rubbed elbows and made business deals with some powerful people in Kansas City. One of the main witnesses against Gilbert was a young black kid who firebombed a house back in the late 80's, maybe very early 90's. A couple of people died. I can't recall the kids name, but he ended up testifying against Dowdy for a reduced sentence. Dowdy really was a kingpin. He saturated Kansas City with cocaine, he owned major real estate, he even had property in Israel. Gilbert was a real Kingpin. Tadpole on the other hand was a kingpin by proxy. I helped him file some writs, typed up some stuff to send to the appeals courts. I read the transcripts to his case. The guy who ended up testifying against Tadpole was Willies son.

The way the feds built a case against Tadpole was pretty standard. They started out buying street corner rocks, busted the low level dealers, who in turn gave up their connections, and set up a few small buys. Those guys gave up their people, and on it went, until it got to Tadpole. By the time the deals were cut, and testimony was given, Tadpole was accused of distributing about 5 pounds of powder and a pound of crack a week. He lived in a shitty house on forest, drove a 5 year old mustang, and worked as a concrete finisher. He couldn't afford a lawyer when the indictment came down. The reality was Tadpole probably sold more like a couple of ounces of crack a month. He told me the guy he got his dope from, Willies boy, was the guy who gave him up as the Kingpin. Considering that Tadpole had no assets to seize, worked a full time job, and couldn't afford a lawyer, it doesn't take F. Lee Bailey to figure out he was a small time dope dealer. You don't get a break for giving up a low level dealer. The guy who testified against Tadpole was popped with 12 ounces of crack and a couple pounds of powder. The feds never had any tapes, buys, or hard evidence on Tadpole. They didn't catch him with a crumb of dope. He went to trial, and was convicted, his sentence was enhanced , and he went away for 35 years and a wake up.

I'm not defending what they guy did, he deserved some time, he admitted as much. But he didn't deserve what he got. And he got what he did because he couldn't afford a lawyer. He got what he did because he was an inner city black guy. No prior convictions, no hard evidence, not a crumb of dope, or a single undercover buy, 35 years. My point to all of this? We live in a time where judges will bury a guy behind a prison wall, with no criminal record, based on hearsay from witnesses of dubious character, and we call it justice. While Tadpole rots in the federal system, his children growing up without a father, probably repeating the cycle as we speak, guys like Mertensmeyer, freaks like Elwood, walk away from far more heinous crimes, unscathed and free to move about. Give it a name, but it sure ain't justice.

Thanks to commentor Extremus for letting me know that Judge Torrence was the judge who also set Mertensmeyer loose. I followed up on case net to verify it..

Have a safe weekend.

The day the earth stood still.

Sometimes a picture really is worth a thousand words.

Lady Justice needs to get her scales checked.

Jarred Elwood, 39, pled guilty to sexually abusing a young girl from the time she was six until she was 14. Other than the Fox 4 piece, I cant find much reporting on the case. That lack of reporting in and of itself isn't unusual. The guy pled guilty, he goes away for a long time, case closed. Except that's not how this one played out. Elwood received 5 years........probation. That's right, 5 years probation, with a 10 year back up sentence. Fox 4 goes on to report that "Missouri Circuit Court Judge John Torrence, who receives excellent marks from the Missouri Bar Association, would not talk to FOX 4 on camera, but courthouse sources tell FOX 4 that he felt that if any sex offender deserved the intensive treatment that probation offers, it would be Elwood".


In lieu of going on a long tirade about what an inept Judge and all around douche bag Torrence is, lets just examine that statement about Elwood being deserving of probation, and the "intensive" treatment that probation offers, vs. prison time. Probation, as we all know is not really all that intensive. Sure they might have a foot in your neck for a year or so, but eventually if you fly right, there are no stipulations, no heavy restrictions. Prison on the other hand, in Missouri, requires sex offenders to complete Mo.SOP. We called the sex offender program, Jump School, as in Tree Jumper, which is a prison term for rapist or child molester. These guys were kept separated from the general population, the program was lengthy, the tree jumpers were scrutinized by the shrinks, and not allowed to complete the program until the shrinks were confident that they had jumped through the requisite hoops. so I'm calling bullshit on the judges contention that Probation was somehow a better treatment option than being locked up, kept in a fishbowl, and ostracised by the general population.


The judge said Elwood deserved a break. I looked Elwood up on case net. The judge in Elwood's divorce case stripped him of parental rights. He also didn't order child support, due to the assumption that Elwood was going to be incarcerated for a long time. Elwood is being or has been sued by a mortgage company, Ford Motor Credit, and a couple of landlords, all within the past couple of years. Not exactly a responsible guy, or one deserving of a break.


Who knows why Judge Torrance felt compelled to give this creep a break. Clearly the victim was not foremost in the mind of the judge. Torrance, not unlike child molester Elwood, wasn't concerned over the impact that 8 years of ongoing molestation has had, and will continue to have on the victim. You have to ask yourself if race influenced the judges decision. Maybe the judge routinely gives small time drug dealers probation as well. Somehow I think the judge has sentenced many a young black kid to lengthy prison terms, most judges do. Maybe the lawyer in the case was a golfing buddy, back room deals are common, so it's any ones guess. What is certain, justice wasn't even in the same vicinity the day the judge allowed this shit heel to walk free, totally disregarding the impact on the victim. The lengthy and ongoing abuse is a clear sign that this guy is a menace. The emotional and psychological impact will continue to effect this child for the remainder of her life. Five years probation vs. lasting and irrevocable scars. Justice needs to get her scales checked by weights and measures, the balance is way off.

The best of times, the worst of times...........

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness. Charles Dickens said it first, well over a century ago, and here in Independence Missouri those words ring with a superlative truthfulness even today. Times are hard, it's rough out there. If you think I'm exaggerating take a gander at this Craigslist ad a reader emailed to me over the weekend.

PARENTS TRADING 15 YR OLD SONS CIGS Date: 2009-09-04, 10:36PM

I WAS GOING THRU MY 15 YEAR OLD SONS ROOM SUSPICIOUS OF HIS BEHAVIOR LATELY. UPON MY SURPRISE ( maybe not a surprise since i was suspicious) I FOUND A PACK OF NEWPORT SHORTS IN A BOX UNOPENED. 3 DAYS LATER I FOUND A PACK WITH 17 REMAINING. I SEE NO SINCE IN THROWING THEM AWAY SINCE THEY ARE SO EXPENSIVE AND DEFINITLY NOT REFUNDING HIS MONEY. SINCE I DO SUPPORT HIM EVERYDAY AND BEING IM A SMOKER MYSELF AND DONT SMOKE THIS KIND I WILL TRADE YOU THIS FULL PACK AND 17 CIGS OF NEWPORT SHORTS IN THE BOX FOR I FULL UNOPENED PACK OF MARLBORO100S IN A BOX. ID REQUIRED
Location: INDEPENDENCE
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Seriously, real ad, and I have no idea where to begin. Kudos to this frugal parent for not letting those heavily mentholated cigs go to waste. I want all of my readers to drop what they are doing, and go shake down your kids rooms. Should you find any Marlboro lights, or hippy lettuce, send me an email and I'll come take those off of your hands. Just don't try to pawn any crappy Newports off on me.

Doctor Evil, aka President Obama, will be indoctrinating the nations impressionable minds later today. With all the hoopla that has preceded his speech, I fully expect to see the school bus discharge Zombies out front of my house today. I've electrified my chain link fence, put plywood over the windows, and nailed Rush Limbaugh posters to the large pin oaks in the front yard. I hear the image of Rush will repel most liberally minded zombies, which is what these kids will probably become after being subjected to all that crazy commie talk, like stay in school, and mind your parents.

Finally on a serious note. The parents of a 7 year old boy got married at his funeral in New York. The boy died as the result of a chain reaction car wreck. Mom and Dad decided to get married to honor their sons wishes. He had been after them to get hitched for some time prior to his death. They also donated his organs. I saw a brief clip on CNN this morning, and I have to admit it made my throat get a little tight. My initial reaction was that it seemed a little strange to have a wedding/funeral. You have to admit, it's not something you hear of everyday. Two parents lose their child, could there be anything worse? They take that dark moment in their lives, and give life to strangers through organ donation, and honor their child by making his wish come true. Best of times, worst of times. Indeed.

Fast Eddie Friday....You have gone too far.

Let's talk about going too far. At least two posts this week were about people who went too far, or not, depending on your own take on it. I probably go too far on a fairly regular basis, but it keeps a few hundred asses in seats for a few minutes, and that's the whole point. So here we go, fast and loose.


You're driving along, maybe a little distracted while you are prying that shitty Rascal Flatts cd from the stereo, that your wife had cranked up to 9 when you unwittingly got in the car. So you swerve a little. Maybe you walk around with a dark cloud over your head, maybe it's just dumb luck, whatever the case, a cop spots you swerving, lights you up. The cop thinks you are faced, you swerved, you're drunk, that's how it works. So you do the drill, touch your nose , while your eyes are closed, on one leg, and while you are at it, tilt your head back, just in case your equilibrium isn't fucked up enough. Now sing Jimmy Crack Corn backwards. Let's assume you are sober. Maybe you pass the field test, maybe you don't. The cop gives you a breathalyzer, you pass. The cop isn't convinced, here's where it gets deeper. The police obtain a warrant, take you to the local hospital, chain you to a bed, draw your blood, and as the cherry on the shit sundae that is your day, they give you a catheter. That's right, they force what feels like a garden hose up your meat whistle, to obtain urine. The test comes back under the legal limit. The cop not only fails to apologize , he charges you with obstruction. Sounds like some made up urban legend, the only thing missing is a guy with a hook hand, and a Chupacabra. Well it ain't fiction, it happened to the soon to be rich, but walking funny, Jamie Lockard of Lawrenceburg Ind. I guess I don't need to explain who went to far.


We've all been there, some kid throwing a fit, squalling it's ass off, mom oblivious. You are standing in the middle of a line that's 5 deep, the kid behind you is doing his best Sam Kennison screech, and that shit is really on your last nerve. You try to distract yourself, you look at the morbidly obese woman in pink sweats in front of you, maybe try to guess her weight, the lady at the register is at least 80, she's digging for cat food coupons in her purse, and you just know she'll pay with a check which is currently sitting in her big granny purse, blank. You start to feel a little claustrophobic, and just when you think you are gonna be okay, that little kid behind you lets out a blood curdling, bratty yell. The first thing you do is jump because the little prick startled you, then a brief urge flashes through your mind, you picture yourself grabbing an Us weekly from the rack and slapping baby Satan so hard across the mug, it leaves Valarie Bertenelli's new bikini bod imprinted on his forehead. You think about doing it, but that's all. You might give the kid and mom the ol stink eye, if you are really surly you might tell her to shut the kid up, but what you aren't going to do is put your hands on either of them. For starters, it's a kid. Everyone knows kids are social retards. I know, yours are angels. My point is, you wouldn't slap a blind guy for stepping on your foot, and you aren't going to put your hand on a kid, especially someone else kid, just for being a kid. If the little one is only two, you probably aren't even gonna give it the stink eye. But this guy did.

Roger Stephens, slapped a two year old because it was crying. He warned the mother to shut it up, or"he was going to do it for her", and he did. The only thing more shocking than this first rate prick slapping a kid who still wets itself, is that he is still breathing. This was in a Walmart, surely there were witnesses. I cant believe this guy wasn't set upon by the customers and employees, taken to the cutlery section and attacked with cheap steak knives. Stephens has a puss on him even a mother would cringe at. It's also a recognizable one. I would not want to be him. Too far, doesn't even begin to describe this douche bag.

Have a safe weekend. See you Monday.

I knew David, I worked with David, Joe Miller is no David.

Joe Millers article in Salon.com came online yesterday, and the Internets aren't really buzzing, more like a low annoying hum. A brief rundown for those who aren't familiar with Miller and his former employers, Mayor Funkhouser and his wife Gloria Shrek Squittiro. Miller worked in the mayors office for about 18 months, in his piece he details a few shenanigans , but mostly focuses on the weirdness of the goofy twosome who have turned this city into a national laughing stock. But enough about them, this post is about Miller, much like his article in Salon, it's all about Joe. The dirt he dished, isn't really anything new, there are a few new bits O crazy, but for the most part nothing too shocking. Local readers of this blog already know that Tonys Kansas City has the market cornered when it comes to insider revelations concerning our co mayors. Anyway, it's a slow day, I'm in a foul mood, so I may as well take it out on Miller.

Miller thinks he is Pip. No, I don't mean one of Gladys Knight's gold lame draped backup singers, I mean Pip from the Dickens classic, Great Expectations. Gloria is Miss Havisham, Funk is Estella. Miller as Pip, suffers under the cruel manipulations of the duo. An excerpt from Millers article gives a good sense of the vibe he is going for, " Politics lays humanness bare, and mostly the ugliest parts of humanness: pride, ego, fear, vanity, coldblooded competitiveness. It drew out my propensity as a people pleaser and turned me into a hell of a sycophant." Miller sets himself up as the naive , eager to please, but well intentioned pawn of the co Mayors. He begins his story with a self serving pile of horse shit about how he jumped on the Funks crazy train to help clean up the corruption in the city government. He drags out the ghost of Tom Pendergast, an infamous political boss who has been dead for 64 years now. He claims Kansas City is " Goliath among corrupt cities". Apparently he has never read up on real corruption , Chicago, Detroit, New Orleans, New York City, the list goes on for a long way before KC deserves a cursory mention. Dragging out the ghost of Boss Tom Pendergast to shore up his assertion that KC is a Goliath of corruption is disingenuous at best.

Miller does his Pip thing, young idealist meets power brokers, falls under their spell, ignores the small voice of his conscience, forsakes his ideals, abandons his principals, becomes a part of the corruption. Then he drops some anecdotes about rubber dicks on a coffee table, smudge sticks and Glorias penchant for making sexual remarks to city employees. Then it's time for part 2 of Millers opus. It all becomes unbearable, his conscience finally wins out over his infatuation with the co mayors, and he walks away from his 80 k job. Well, sort of. Here is the line that claims moral victory and the reason for his departure, "I quit in part because this level of deceit was becoming commonplace." See, Pip just couldn't be part of the treachery of Miss Havisham. But then Miller pisses in his Post Toasties and gives the real reason he left, "I'm ashamed, frankly, that I stayed as long as I did. I quit as soon as I was under investigation". He goes on to say he would probably still be there if Gloria hadn't turned on him. So the real reason Miller left was because his feelings were hurt, and it was getting hot in the kitchen because he was being investigated for ethics violations.

I'm sure I've lost half my readers by now, so let me wrap this thing up. Millers article should be served with a wedge of cheese, it's a whine fest. His attempt to write himself into KC history as some sort of Morally upright savior of the poor and down trodden, only to be corrupted at the hands of a manipulative pair of power brokers, then to rise from the ashes, reclaim his moral and ethical values, is pure, unadulterated, grade A, bullshit. Miller cut and ran because he couldn't take the heat of an investigation, and his feelings were hurt, period. Miller claims a love for this city, then misrepresents it as the epicenter of corruption, neither of which is remotely true. Is there corruption in Kansas City government? Absolutely. Are we in the same league as Detroit, Chicago, or New Orleans, to name but a few? Hell no. Miller wants to portray himself as David, fighting the Goliath of corruption to save the city and it's less fortunate. To quote Saul "I knew David, I worked with David, and you sir are no David". Miller does have a striking resemblance to another biblical figure, Judas. His 30 pieces of silver was an article on Salon.com, and like Judas, Miller hung himself, or at least his job prospects. We all like to read dirt, nobody more than myself. But we all hate a rat. Miller is exactly that. A disgruntled rat, who deserted a ship of fools, over hurt feelings and an investigation.

Louie has left the building, now the postman can rest easy. RIP Louie, a real world shaker.

Louie was a walking study in the power of persistence. His father was Max, a 6 inch tall Yorkie. His mother Molly, an over sized Papillion. Max could walk under Molly without touching so much as a single teat. Molly and Max weren't fixed at the time, still the likelihood of Max figuring out the mechanics of a much needed step ladder was slim, I didn't figure he would be able to seal the deal. A couple of months later I was proven wrong. Three pups were born, one died at a day or two old, one went to a retired priest, my girlfriend and I kept the runt, Louie. Impossible conception aside, Louie could be a major pain in the ass. He was always wound up, constantly running around getting into things he shouldn't have. Louie was a lot like his father, and a lot like me. He didn't care for strangers, kids got on his nerves, he was always barking and growling at anyone who passed by. He was 5 pounds of fur, piss, and vinegar, on legs that were too tall for his body, and ears that looked like wings. His face was as black as his eyes, and they shined bright whenever he was awake.

Last week Louie started having some gum problems, I took him to the vet, who sent me home with antibiotics and instructions to bring him back in a few days if he didn't improve. I took him back this morning, he was lethargic, wouldn't eat, I could tell he was in some pain. As we drove up Noland road toward the vet, Louie climbed over in my lap and stuck his head out the window. We stopped at the light on 23rd, Louie growled and barked at some guys pouring concrete, but it was half hearted, I figure he did it more for my benefit than his own pleasure. The vet told me to leave him for a couple of hours and then to call to see how his blood work came out. I drove back up to his office instead. I had a bad feeling, coupled with the remnants of a bad dream the night before. I wanted to hope that the vet would send him home, tell me he was on the mend, but I knew that wasn't how this hand was going to play out.

Louie was suffering from kidney failure, a genetic birth defect that he somehow managed to overcome for 14 months or better. The vet was kind as he informed me that Louie had deteriorated in just those few hours. I had them bring him to me in the exam room, the light while somewhat faded still flickered in his eyes. He was looking to me for help, the innocent eyes confused and trusting all at once. I've never had to put a dog down, and I hadn't thought I would be doing it today. After the Vet explained that Louie was just going to continue to decline, there was nothing left to be done, still I struggled to do the right thing. Louie drifted off to sleep and slipped from this mortal coil in my arms. Next to the death of my Mother, putting Louie down was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. Prison didn't even come close in terms of how I felt in that exam room. The vet patted me on my shoulder, his assistant said she was sorry, and we all stood in the uncomfortable sterile room, as this 50 year old man wept as if he had lost a child. As hard as it is for many to conceive, that's exactly how it felt.

They gave me a towel to wrap his still warm body in, I carried him through the lobby, past the stares of people who pulled their own dogs a little closer to them. I brought Louie home, and dealt with the unpleasant task of waking my girlfriend who works nights and sleeps days. I told her what happened, and we both shed a few more tears for a great little dog. I buried Louie under the bedroom window at the front of the house. He was always in the window in the living room, keeping a watchful eye out for the postman. He would growl mightily as the mail carrier approached the front of the house, waiting for just the right moment to start barking, which invariably made the postman jump a little and look around. He was a 5 pound dog, with a hundred pound attitude.

There are two kinds of people, those who love their dogs like children, and those who shake their heads at such silliness. The latter group will give you a list of reasons why it's crazy to love a dog like a person. And in a way they are right, there really is no comparison. Your children, your friends, people in general, will never cease to amaze, enrage, and puzzle you. Kids reach a certain age and you never know from one minute to the next what mood they will be in. But we still love them, we forgive them their idiosyncrasies. People will screw you over in the blink of an eye, we do some awful things to one another. Dogs on the other hand only want to please, are always overjoyed to see you come home, and they expect nothing in return. It's no big secret I prefer the company of dogs to most humans. I guess I fall under that crazy category. We are going to miss Louie around here. It wont seem the same to open the door and not be greeted by 5 pounds of overjoyed fur, piss and vinegar. If there is a heaven, and if dogs go there as well, the postman better watch his ass.

Independence Grocery recovers lead tainted meat...

I'll be the first to admit I was one of the people who warned everyone that the conceal and carry law was a bad idea. It was only going to be a matter of time before some Charlie Bronson wanna be popped a cap in some kids ass for pointing a water pistol at a friend. There was no way that mayhem could not result from allowing any chuckle head with a permit to carry heat. Well , I, ...I was....wro....wron...wrong. That's right ,I said it, I Was Wrong. While there have been a few incidents, for the most part it seems like we have avoided reenactments of the OK Corral. So I was wrong. Sort of. Leave it to Independence Mo. to prove me right. I told you something bad was gonna happen. But did you listen? Nooooooo. Okay, I'm getting a little carried away. An isolated incident isn't proof that people walking around toting guns is anymore dangerous than talking on your phone while you drive, probably less dangerous. Still this Bit O News from Indy is too sweet to let pass without comment.



It starts like a bad joke, then it becomes one. Three idiots walk in to a Grocery store..........., Fox 4 had a short bit on the evening news about a knot head in Indy, who shot a woman for stealing meat from a Sunfresh. Shit gets deeper, the would be Wyatt Earp didn't work at the store, it wasn't his meat, in fact he couldn't have known for certain, what, if anything, illegal took place, but that didn't stop him from shooting the woman boosting the Beef. Yeah, he shot a woman shoplifter. But there's more to the story. The manager follows a woman out of the store who lifted the meat. For some reason the store manager attached herself to the hood of the shoplifters car, that's where Captain Save an Idiot comes in. He hears a Cashier screaming for help, walks, actually hobbles up to the car, he is on crutches, and shoots the driver , a woman, in the arm. He claims she was trying to run him over, he felt his life and the managers life were in jeopardy.



Lets get this straight, the manager is laying on the hood of the car. Our hero is able to hop up to the car on one leg, so the car can't be moving at this point. He shoots the woman, and as a coup de grace, he does some shit right out of Starsky and Hutch, and shoots a tire. I get the whole "packin for personal safety" thing, and like I said, I grudgingly admit it hasn't been the blood fest I feared. People have been safe and responsible for the most part. But you can't go around shooting people without provocation, and stealing T bones ain't provocation. What if this guy had simply walked up on a lovers spat, girlfriends fighting, one tries to drive off, the other jumps on the hood, "Your not going anywhere bitch". Come on, who hasn't had a crazy girlfriend jump on your car hood? Anybody? Nobody? Somebody help me out here. Well take it from me , it happens. My point is, this guy doesn't know the play, he is walking up totally ignorant to the circumstances. This guy is the Guy I was worried about. The idiot with a gun, just waiting for the day to play Hero.



What if there had been a kid in a child restraint in the car, if it happened like he says, maybe he wouldn't have noticed, boom, dead baby on board. So the shooter isn't Captain save a Tard, he is Mr. I Can't Wait to Shoot Somebody. The cops haven't charged him, they did charge the woman. They should have charged the dick head for shooting the woman. Lest you think I missed anyone, lets talk about this Manager. I don't know how much meat this broad had in her drawers, maybe she had some of those crazy ass Hammer pants. You could get a couple sides of beef in a pair of those. So lets say this woman boosted a hundred bucks of meat, unlikely but whatever. So you are the manager of one of the two shittest Grocery stores in Indy. I've been there, once, trust me, it's a crappy store. You see someone leave the store with meat next to her monkey, so you chase her outside and dive on her parked car. Are you stupid? Yes, undeniably, and unfathomably so. ever hear of getting a tag number, a description, calling 911? Apparently someone slept through class when they explained how lamb chops weren't worth dying for.



What transpired in that store parking lot was a perfect storm of stupidity. A petty thief, a moronic store manager, and a clown with a pistol just dying to use it. The guys response to the reporter on 4 was priceless, and proof that this mental midget shouldn't be near any type of weapon. He said he would do it the same way again, no regrets. You can argue the shooter was justified, you can claim the manager was in danger, but anyone who shoots a shoplifter and doesn't have at least an iota of regret, that's not someone you want to be in the vicinity of at the wrong time. Maybe the meat thief had hungry kids, probably she was a dope fiend trying to re-up. Whatever her offense, it wasn't a shootable one. If you could hobble up to the car, get off two shots, then the car was stationary and not a threat. I'm sure more than a few will disagree with me on this one, but there are a million things that could go wrong in an incident like this. If the shooter can cover a fraction of those variables, he is a genius, this guy is no genius. But MM, your whole argument is based on what if's, hypothetical scenarios that didn't end up happening. My response, bullets don't know the difference, the shooter got lucky, things could have gone horribly wrong. When guns are involved, and lives are at stake, a fraction of a second can turn a what if, into a tragedy. If you shoot another human being, a tiny bit of regret or remorse should be a given, in this case it wasn't.