A public service message from Midtown Miscreant

Am I alone here, or is anyone else as saturated as Sponge Bob Square Pants in a swimming pool, when it comes to the Road to the White house? Let me give you the take of a non political junkie. I promise it will be chock full of oversimplified solutions, uninformed opinions, and a total disregard for the political process. I've got a lengthy list of shit that annoys me, pisses me off, and more importantly , amuses me. Here is the short list.

The rabid, dyed in the wool, petulant, and infantile, Hillary fanatics. Please, and I mean this in a good christian way, Shut the fuck up already! If I see one more angry, frothing at the mouth Hilary supporter, spout the same tired line about how they aren't going to "give up", I swear to God and Mr. Green jeans, I'm going to lose it. There is a certain percentage of Hillary supporters who threaten to vote for a Republican out of spite. They claim to hold a particular set of beliefs and values, and threaten to set those core beliefs aside as payback, because shit didn't play out like they wanted. Like spurned school girls who didn't get asked to the prom by the guy they wanted, they go dateless and spend the night giving the Fish Eye to the girls with dates, while they dance with each other.

To the equally annoying, adoration drunk, uber Obama fanatics, blow the guy already and get over it. I like the guy too, I think he will do a better job than the current Texas wobble head holding office, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't walk on water. Obama hasn't spent his entire life on a mountain in Tibet, he has some dirt on his hands, same as any other political figure, same as every major political figure of the last couple of centuries. Like I said, I think he is the best choice out there, but until he appears at the Burger King on main, feeds the entire population of Hyde Park, with just two Fillet O Fish's and a small fry, I'll reserve the right to not call him Jesus H Christ. So please, stop gushing over the guy, give him some air.

And to the equally clueless and frighteningly devout John McCainiacs, please stop swinging from Grandpas plum sack. If you follow his political leanings, believe in his policies, then I say good for you, you should vote for him. But, if you are basing your decision solely upon the fact that he was a POW, or because he isn't a black guy with a funny name, or because he looks like an older version of Paul Simon, then you are a moron, and you shouldn't be allowed out of the house without a football helmet strapped to your water filled , abnormally large head.

Look, don't get me wrong, I fully understand the importance of electing the Leader of the greatest nation on earth. And to the people who perform that task with rational thought and no hidden agendas, I salute you. I am certain that the majority of voters are guided by a firm belief in their own personal values. But we never see those people on the news. What we are served up instead, is the political equivalent of monkeys flinging poo at one another, and anyone else within range. The politicians and their camps pontificate on their candidates great expertise and vast knowledge, while condemning his opponent to a life spent taking the short bus to the broom factory. I get that part of it, it's their job, it's their hustle. But the glassy eyed zealots, the guy or gal on the street, the one that gets caught up in the bullshit hash being slung by their party, those are the folks who puzzle and amuse me the most.

And finally, to the conspiracy theorists, the cloak and dagger types, the True believers, who think Obama is the antichrist, an Al Kaydee operative, or are buying any of the other far flung accusations on the interwebs, I say this. Are you people fucking retarded? Do you just go around believing anything you are told? I wont even bother linking any of the 20 million websites and message boards that claim Obama will destroy the country, or that he is a Muslim version of Dr. Evil. Look, at the end of the day, no single leader, no president can fuck things up all on his own, he has to have the help and support of all the other knuckleheads on Capitol Hill. That's why we are over in Iraq, we have both parties to thank. Lets stop making wild accusations, lets chill out on the Chicken Little theories, and lets get through this election without killing one another. In the words of a great orator and humanitarian " Can we all just get along"?

I'm Midtown Miscreant, and I approved this message.