I knew David, I worked with David, Joe Miller is no David.

Joe Millers article in Salon.com came online yesterday, and the Internets aren't really buzzing, more like a low annoying hum. A brief rundown for those who aren't familiar with Miller and his former employers, Mayor Funkhouser and his wife Gloria Shrek Squittiro. Miller worked in the mayors office for about 18 months, in his piece he details a few shenanigans , but mostly focuses on the weirdness of the goofy twosome who have turned this city into a national laughing stock. But enough about them, this post is about Miller, much like his article in Salon, it's all about Joe. The dirt he dished, isn't really anything new, there are a few new bits O crazy, but for the most part nothing too shocking. Local readers of this blog already know that Tonys Kansas City has the market cornered when it comes to insider revelations concerning our co mayors. Anyway, it's a slow day, I'm in a foul mood, so I may as well take it out on Miller.

Miller thinks he is Pip. No, I don't mean one of Gladys Knight's gold lame draped backup singers, I mean Pip from the Dickens classic, Great Expectations. Gloria is Miss Havisham, Funk is Estella. Miller as Pip, suffers under the cruel manipulations of the duo. An excerpt from Millers article gives a good sense of the vibe he is going for, " Politics lays humanness bare, and mostly the ugliest parts of humanness: pride, ego, fear, vanity, coldblooded competitiveness. It drew out my propensity as a people pleaser and turned me into a hell of a sycophant." Miller sets himself up as the naive , eager to please, but well intentioned pawn of the co Mayors. He begins his story with a self serving pile of horse shit about how he jumped on the Funks crazy train to help clean up the corruption in the city government. He drags out the ghost of Tom Pendergast, an infamous political boss who has been dead for 64 years now. He claims Kansas City is " Goliath among corrupt cities". Apparently he has never read up on real corruption , Chicago, Detroit, New Orleans, New York City, the list goes on for a long way before KC deserves a cursory mention. Dragging out the ghost of Boss Tom Pendergast to shore up his assertion that KC is a Goliath of corruption is disingenuous at best.

Miller does his Pip thing, young idealist meets power brokers, falls under their spell, ignores the small voice of his conscience, forsakes his ideals, abandons his principals, becomes a part of the corruption. Then he drops some anecdotes about rubber dicks on a coffee table, smudge sticks and Glorias penchant for making sexual remarks to city employees. Then it's time for part 2 of Millers opus. It all becomes unbearable, his conscience finally wins out over his infatuation with the co mayors, and he walks away from his 80 k job. Well, sort of. Here is the line that claims moral victory and the reason for his departure, "I quit in part because this level of deceit was becoming commonplace." See, Pip just couldn't be part of the treachery of Miss Havisham. But then Miller pisses in his Post Toasties and gives the real reason he left, "I'm ashamed, frankly, that I stayed as long as I did. I quit as soon as I was under investigation". He goes on to say he would probably still be there if Gloria hadn't turned on him. So the real reason Miller left was because his feelings were hurt, and it was getting hot in the kitchen because he was being investigated for ethics violations.

I'm sure I've lost half my readers by now, so let me wrap this thing up. Millers article should be served with a wedge of cheese, it's a whine fest. His attempt to write himself into KC history as some sort of Morally upright savior of the poor and down trodden, only to be corrupted at the hands of a manipulative pair of power brokers, then to rise from the ashes, reclaim his moral and ethical values, is pure, unadulterated, grade A, bullshit. Miller cut and ran because he couldn't take the heat of an investigation, and his feelings were hurt, period. Miller claims a love for this city, then misrepresents it as the epicenter of corruption, neither of which is remotely true. Is there corruption in Kansas City government? Absolutely. Are we in the same league as Detroit, Chicago, or New Orleans, to name but a few? Hell no. Miller wants to portray himself as David, fighting the Goliath of corruption to save the city and it's less fortunate. To quote Saul "I knew David, I worked with David, and you sir are no David". Miller does have a striking resemblance to another biblical figure, Judas. His 30 pieces of silver was an article on Salon.com, and like Judas, Miller hung himself, or at least his job prospects. We all like to read dirt, nobody more than myself. But we all hate a rat. Miller is exactly that. A disgruntled rat, who deserted a ship of fools, over hurt feelings and an investigation.