Don't piss down my neck then tell me it's raining......... Ferrets, Fanatics, and Fucked uppedness.

I probably should have saved this title and text for a Fast Eddie Friday installment, but I'm about to bust a vein in my forehead if I don't spit this shit out.  If any one thing will keep me hanging on to this blog, it will be my need to vent to someone other than my Girl, my dogs, and the TV screen. You long time sufferers of this blog have by now formed an image of me and how you think I probably spend my time, how I react to certain things, how much dope I smoke, shit like that. If you imagine that I sit in my recliner in a haze of ciggarette and weed smoke, yelling at the talking heads on the news, while Max the Yorkie bogarts the footrest of said recliner, then sadly you are spot on. If you imagine that I blew a cerebral gasket over the story of the finger munching ferret out of Grain Valley, again you hit a bullseye. If you haven't heard about the latest case of extreme Hillbilliness to come out of the great state of Missouri, then allow me to enlighten you.


The short version. A couple of mouth breathing breeders spit out 3 or 4 kids. They decide that a Ferret would be a great addition to the Family. Their youngest, a four month old boy is turned into a buffet for the ferret. As mom sleeps in the living room alongside the baby, and dear old dad snoozes in the bedroom, the ferret casually eats all of the infants fingers, save both thumbs and a pinky. The baby according to the parents screamed but not before being turned into lobster boy. That's right, these shit weasels were supposedly right there in the house, even in the same room, as the Ferret, also a weasel, ate the baby's fingers off like they were those little pickled ears of corn that come in Chinese food. I don't think most people actually eat those baby ears of corn, I know I don't. Sadly Ferrets don't have that same aversion to baby fingers. Apparently baby fingers are to Ferrets what Gates ribs are to humans. The Grain Valley Police are investigating the matter.

Are you fuckin kiddin me?

No, I am not....

Look, I lost just partial bits of two fingers in a motorcycle related incident. Chains, sprockets, copious amounts of weed, and moving parts are a bad combination and I've got the nubs to prove it.  Doesn't take a major brain to figure this shit out. Same goes for this Ferret incident. Expect the parents to be charged, and hopefully anything living and breathing in their home will be removed for it's own safety.  Strangely the actual incident isn't what has me wound up. The incident speaks for itself, so you don't need me to tell you how fucked up it is. 


Now here's the rub. The Ferret rescue lady. "I was just devastated for the baby. I was devastated for the ferret. I was just, I'm shocked, quite honestly. Because that is not normal ferret behavior," said Sharon Cannon, director of the Kansas City Ferret Hotline, a rescue and adoption group for the animal. She continues. Cannon said it's wrong to assume the animal just snapped. She said it needs motivation to do something and it often times responds in the manner in which it's being treated.
"The ferret became an animal, because they were forced into that situation, absolutely. The ferret didn't go crazy," Cannon said.

Ms. Cannon spit this bullshit out on channel 5, which makes her fair game. Kind of like baby fingers to a Ferret. This whack job and defender of Ferrets is a prime example of why we are all doomed.  The money line,
"The ferret became an animal, because they were forced into that situation, absolutely. The ferret didn't go crazy," Cannon said.

I guess I missed the part about what the Ferret was prior to it becoming an Animal. You can catch the video here.  Call me crazy, but I always assumed Ferrets were animals from the git go. What with the Fur, pissy smell, and mouthful of needle teeth. Somewhere buried in this blog is my tale of the Ferret I once owned.  I can't find it because the search function is all fucked the fuck up. My experience with the Ferret was not good, it bit my feet when I'd walk across the living room in the mornings, it even bit my junk (no Liberace) when I woke up with a pup tent one morning.  I ended up trading it for a bag O weed. Ferrets are wild animals that have been domesticated to some extent, and I'm sure some of you rubes will enlighten me on how warm and cuddly they are. Having been bit on the dick by one , unprovoked, I'm gonna beg to differ on how cuddly they are.

But back to the crazy Ferret Lady.  Nobody forced that Ferret to be a Ferret. It already was a Ferret. The problem is people. When that Tiger tried to date rape Sigfried or Roy, it was just a Tiger doing what tigers do. When that chimp ripped that woman's face off, it was just being a chimp. When that ferret ate the baby's fingers, it was being a ferret.  Nobody turned it into an animal. The problem is irresponsible retards turning animals in to people, then acting all surprised when they do animal type shit. Maybe if the crazy Ferret lady had suggested that people shouldn't have a ferret running wild around an infant, I'd have given her a pass.

Disclaimer ** 4 pound Yorkies don't fall under the animals are not people rule.***