Stuff they never covered in Sex Ed.

Let me clarify that I read the personal ads on Craigslist out of morbid curiosity and because I never fail to learn something new. I promise you that I am not looking for a FWB or a SSBBW or the ever popular devotee of the AB (adult baby) fetish. However if I were, then these and many more sexual proclivities are available.

SSBBW the elusive Super Sized Big Beautiful Women. As if the term Big Beautiful Woman weren’t derogatory enough, lets call her something even bigger!

Friends with Benefits. While I understand the meaning of the term, and am an advocate of such. The benefits part of the Fwb calls to mind such things as insurance, paid vacation, and profit sharing, a 401k and sick days. Sign me up!

There is a Married lady looking for someone to have sex with her while her husband listens over the phone. Brings a whole new meaning to roaming and peak minutes. And proves once again that you ladies talk on the phone far too much.

Someone, sex unknown , although I assume it’s a man, is looking for someone with a dog. That one is not funny, Id like to put a knot on his head.

In another ad that wasn’t as sexually motivated a young lady is looking for a rich, handsome, dark haired, nonsmoking, marathon runner, with a summer home in the hamptons. Must speak at least 4 languages, be driven, perfect teeth, vegan, nondrinker, who makes at least 6 figures. Must be over 6 ft and have a swimmers build. Good luck.

And finally my two personal favorites. The Adult Baby. Some guy wants to dress up as a real life version of a Baby. Diaper, Bonnet, and rattle. I’m sure he is being deluged with emails from lovely women who are driven wild by the sight of a middle aged balding gent in a terry cloth jumper and a load in his Depends.

And last but by no means least , Zentai suit play!!!!!! Don’t feel bad if you have to google it , I did. Apparently a Zentai suit is a one piece lycra spandex jump suit worn in theatrical and performance arts shows. It is also worn by the Power Rangers, Ultra man and those Blue guys. Who knew?

I once considered myself a sexual dynamo, with an open mind and a pretty solid repertoire of moves and technique. Now not so much. With the new sexual revolution being waged on the World Wide Web I am as bland as wonder bread.