Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Plot to kill Jesus revealed ! !

Remember when you were just a pup and you had lofty visions of being a _______, (whatever) when you grew up? Then somewhere in your 20's reality hit and you settled for something attainable? Perhaps you are one of the rare few who actually went on to work for NASA, or invented the tampon and got rich. It happens, just not to most of us. There is a young man in the news of late, a young man who holds lofty goals, an over achiever who is shooting for the stars.

I first came across this article on Crime Scene Kansas City , and I've got to tell you, it gives me hope for youths everywhere. Just when I thought the world was full of kids content to watch Hannah Montana or play Grand Theft Auto, along comes an 18 year old straight A student who wants to one up all the school shooters and mass murderers. Ryan Schallenberger wasn't just planning to blow up his High School, which has really become passe now days. No young Ryan wanted to die, go to heaven , and kill Jesus.

School shootings aren't a laughing matter, however goofy spoiled chuckle heads like Ryan Schallenberger are. What is even more laughable is the reaction of the justice system to Ryan's contention that he was plotting to kill one third of a triune god, or whatever your personal dogma might be. At any rate, killing an omnipotent and all knowing god seems like a bit of over reaching to me. Apparently being a straight A student doesn't necessarily make you smart. Someone should have told Ryan that the whole kill Jesus thing had been done, and it didn't stick then.

Meanwhile back at the jail, our hero is being questioned by the local Sheriffs department. It seems that our boys parents picked up a 20 pound package that contained Ammonia Nitrate, (bomb dust) and "got nervous". So the folks go through his room and find a cassette tape , not sure what it said, but it was enough to convince them to turn the little prick in to the cops. So, while Ryan is being questioned he drops the I want to kill Jesus bomb on the cops. The cops want the feds to take the budding young whack job off their hands. Which they have done, and are now asking for a psych evaluation. And here is where it gets a little tricky. The defense attorney is saying the call for psychiatric evaluation is premature.

Why you ask would the defense not want to see if this kid is nuts? The answer is simple, they need time to coach him how to play crazy. This wanna be bomber is already trying to play the crazy card. He is well aware that he faces a life sentence for possessing bomb making material. Not for nothin, but life under the Feds is all day, you leave in a box when you quit breathing, LIFE. Look, this little creep isn't crazy, sociopath, yes, crazy, not so much. That said I imagine his interview after waiving his Miranda rights might have gone something like this.

Ryan: I want to die and go to heaven so I can kill Jesus.

Cop: How's that?

Ryan: You heard me, this was all part of my plan to wack J.C.

cop : How were you planning to get to him, security is probably pretty tight in heaven, and there is the whole preordained thing. Wouldn't they have known in advance , since the beginning of time that you planned to bump Christ?

Ryan : Yea, I didn't think of that.

Cop : So were you going to use a bomb, a gun, what?

Ryan: Poison.

Cop : Come again?

Ryan: I was going to show up at the pearly gates with a cake. Devils food cake, its the Alpha Omega's kryptonite.

Cop: Take this idiot back to his cell.

The reason that we see so many of these young morons of late, who think it is perfectly acceptable to shoot up a school or kill their parents, is because they live in an alternate reality. Their parents will tell you they are good kids, they just have some issues, or they were abused by uncle Joey on a camping trip, or some other horse shit that excuses the kids actions. The truth is for the most part they aren't clinically crazy, they are just spoiled and don't have a grasp of reality, because they never heard the word NO. Hopefully the Feds will lock this little shit up for the rest of his natural born days. While that may not stop the truly insane kids who do insane shit, it will send a message to the spoiled , suburb dwelling, video game playing, I hate my parents, coddled punks that think it's okay to kill a bunch of random people.


  1. he get an A for creative plotting

  2. Your message to "spoiled , suburb dwelling" .. punks should really be expanded. This kid lived in a town that was racially diverse, low income compared to the national average, and with a population of less than 2,000. The entire county has less than 50,000 people. I think there are plenty of bad apples in all types of communities.

  3. travel
    being on the lower end of middle class doesnt prevent that type of kid from being spoiled. I've covered the topic of urban kids. This school shooting/rampage thing is almost always some middle class white suburban kid, thats why I worded it that way. Urban kids kill each other in the street, white suburban kids do it in schools. So I was just addressing the school thing. Read the link to the kids story, I think I nailed it.

  4. Very entertaining - loved the interview.....but why do they make me do the word verification here too? I hate word verification and they ARE NOT words!

  5. Good common sense and a moral foundation are far more essential and enlightening than booksmarts. Parental education at the dinner table goes a long way.

  6. he get an A for creative plotting