My parents went to heaven, and all I got was this stupid email...

It's just another Monday drive home from work. The weather is nice, you have the windows down, radio up, trying to decide on Chinese or Mexican for dinner, and then you hear it. The sound resembles a trumpet, a bugle or a trombone, some kind of horn. You check the rear view mirror to see if some horn warrior is honking at you. Nothing. When your eyes go back to looking out the windshield, you notice the car in front of you is veering off of the road. It crashes into a light pole. You have just enough time for your mind to register that the car has no driver. Before you have time to digest this bit of info, you feel a light tug at your shoulders and you are lifted out of your car, right through the sun roof. Holy Crap!!! It's the rapture. The Alpha and Omega is calling his children home to heaven.

Okay, I'll admit Im taking some literary license in my description of the rapture. But you get the general idea. The basic premise of the rapture at least as I understand it, Agnostic heathen that I am, goes something like this. At some point in the not to distant future, when God gets fed up with all of the clowning we are doing down her, he is going to call his children, Christians, home. The rest of us are going to have a rough road to hoe down hear on earth. Now before one of you wanna be theologians start correcting me, take a pill and close your hole for a minute. I'm going somewhere with this, so take it easy. And no, Im not about to bash Christianity. Whatever gets you through the day is your business, and Ive got no bone to pick with Christians as a whole.

Meanwhile in the post rapture world, shit is really hitting the fan. The news is going crazy , reporting millions of missing persons, the world is in chaos, wailing and gnashing of teeth ensues.

And think of all of the countless small problems this mass exodus will create. Uncle Joe was a christian, he disappeared and who will feed his dog and 3 cats? Your parents left a fortune in a safe deposit box, but you don't know where the key is hidden, or even know of the box at all. Perhaps you are one of the lucky peeps who caught the A train to the land of Milk and honey, but that doesn't mean you want all of your stuff that you left behind just going to waste. Maybe you meant to tell your ex that you never stopped loving them, or that it was you who gave them the Herpes. Whatever, my point is that this rapture thing is going to leave a lot of unfinished business in it's wake. And it isn't like there are cell phones in heaven, so you can call your Wicca stepsister and tell her to go let the dog out and make sure you turned off the coffee pot.

There just isn't any way for someone in heaven to relay a message to someone who got left behind, until now. That's rrrrrrrrrrrright Skippy, now you can contact your damned and forsaken friends , enemies and family from the comfort of your lofty perch. You've Been Left Behind is a web service that will store info, messages, data files, etc. for you. At the time of the second coming their computer servers will forward the files by email to the designated recipients. Apparently this chain of emails will be automatically sent out when the rapture takes place. There are a few designated people that log in to the companies computer system on a daily basis. Should they fail to do so for 3 days, this will signal the automated system to take over and mass email the recipients, letting them know that they are royally screwed.

All of this starting at just 40 American dollars a month. I shit you not, check the link.

http://www.youvebeenleftbehind.com/index-3.html