So another story reaches the wire about some blue hair who found 97 grand in a bathroom stall at her local Cracker Barrel. The story goes she finds the cash, her and grandson take it home, call the lost and found at cracker barrel, return the money to an old lady who sold her house and was taking all of her assets in cash to start out a new life with her adult son. The thing is, nobody ever saw the money, or the lady, except the couple. In other words it could all be some Phillips Milk O Mag induced delusion on the old lady's part, still it begs a question. Why is it we always hear about some good samaritan returning fat amounts of cash, to some undeserving wobble head who carries their life savings around like milk money, and never do we see headlines like this ........
DUMB ASS LOSES LIFE SAVINGS IN GAS STATION BATHROOM.
or
FORMER POOR GUY LIVING IT UP after Taco Bell Gordito gives him the Mud Butt.
I know what some of you are saying, "Giving the money back is the Right Thing to do." Okay, I'll bite, why is it incumbent upon everyone to look out for the mental Wildebeests of this world? If we were on the Serengeti would it be our collective responsibility to keep the slower of the herd from being eaten by lions? No, of course it wouldn't. Letting nature run its course is just natural selection in action. The slow get weeded out of the gene pool, the lions get a Happy Meal on the hoof, and the faster more alert wildebeests live to see another day of swatting flies with their tails and chewing cud. Same way with turning in tens of thousands that some chowder head is dumb enough to pack around. Giving the money back only encourages the weak minded to propagate and proliferate. We have to thin the herd, it's a brutal fact of life. So fair warning, if I find a Bag O Cash, I'm keeping it. It's a tough call, but I think it's the right thing to do. Yeah, I know, I'm a horrible person, and most people would "do the right thing". Sell that drivel someplace else, we're all stocked up on Bullshit here. Oh, and the lady who was stupid enough to pack around 97 1,000 dollar bills, and leave it in a bathroom, what do you think her offer is to the woman who turned over the cash? A grand, 1/97 th, of something that she had by all rights no expectations of ever seeing again. The woman who found the money, turned down the paltry reward, she just did it because it was the right thing. That's nice, as for me I could get over the guilt in 97,000 different ways.
Now to the second set of Walking Petre Dishes. Last night I take the girlfriend to work, it's 5:30. It takes me an hour and ten minutes to travel from Midtown to a shade south south of Red Bridge and Holmes. That's about 50 minutes longer than usual. The problem, an inch of snow, and an unending supply of Kansas City's most retarded. Why is it, that seemingly normal people, who have spent many winters in this city, are unable to navigate winter roads? From the Super Douchey speed racers in the SUV's that are always the first to end up in a ditch, to the fate worse than death worthy teenager driving and texting, I loathe you all. I'll wager every last one of your parents found money in a Denny's bathroom stall and returned it.
DUMB ASS LOSES LIFE SAVINGS IN GAS STATION BATHROOM.
or
FORMER POOR GUY LIVING IT UP after Taco Bell Gordito gives him the Mud Butt.
I know what some of you are saying, "Giving the money back is the Right Thing to do." Okay, I'll bite, why is it incumbent upon everyone to look out for the mental Wildebeests of this world? If we were on the Serengeti would it be our collective responsibility to keep the slower of the herd from being eaten by lions? No, of course it wouldn't. Letting nature run its course is just natural selection in action. The slow get weeded out of the gene pool, the lions get a Happy Meal on the hoof, and the faster more alert wildebeests live to see another day of swatting flies with their tails and chewing cud. Same way with turning in tens of thousands that some chowder head is dumb enough to pack around. Giving the money back only encourages the weak minded to propagate and proliferate. We have to thin the herd, it's a brutal fact of life. So fair warning, if I find a Bag O Cash, I'm keeping it. It's a tough call, but I think it's the right thing to do. Yeah, I know, I'm a horrible person, and most people would "do the right thing". Sell that drivel someplace else, we're all stocked up on Bullshit here. Oh, and the lady who was stupid enough to pack around 97 1,000 dollar bills, and leave it in a bathroom, what do you think her offer is to the woman who turned over the cash? A grand, 1/97 th, of something that she had by all rights no expectations of ever seeing again. The woman who found the money, turned down the paltry reward, she just did it because it was the right thing. That's nice, as for me I could get over the guilt in 97,000 different ways.
Now to the second set of Walking Petre Dishes. Last night I take the girlfriend to work, it's 5:30. It takes me an hour and ten minutes to travel from Midtown to a shade south south of Red Bridge and Holmes. That's about 50 minutes longer than usual. The problem, an inch of snow, and an unending supply of Kansas City's most retarded. Why is it, that seemingly normal people, who have spent many winters in this city, are unable to navigate winter roads? From the Super Douchey speed racers in the SUV's that are always the first to end up in a ditch, to the fate worse than death worthy teenager driving and texting, I loathe you all. I'll wager every last one of your parents found money in a Denny's bathroom stall and returned it.
"why is it incumbent upon everyone to look out for the mental Wildebeests of this world?" LOL!!!!
ReplyDeleteGreat post MM!
While I don't agree with your point, you make it well. Not bad for a guy who had writers block a week ago!
I saw the mass of stupid on 71 and decided to go back to the shop for a couple of hours. I don't like snow at all, I don't like crazy drivers - mixing the two will cause me to need medication.
ReplyDeleteI just waited it out and had a nice uneventful trip home that didn't take longer than it should have. Well, except the waiting part. I would rather wait in my shop with my computer than in my car. I always find religion this time of year. It comes in the form of constant prayers that some nut bag won't speed past, lose control and take me out with him.
in one of those meaningless happenstances that people always say prooves what a small world it is but, in actuality, is just stats writ large, i happened to be blowing dope in the tiny park off of Red Bridge, 'bout 100 yards west of Blue River Road, around 6 pm last night. just wanted off the road, you know? so, anyhow, i've got a blunt going and am walking around under the only bit of cover there when I spy a dollar tumbling over the snow. i amble after it and eventually the wind presses against a tree. when i pick it up i see it's a c-note.
ReplyDeleteas i put it in my pocket the only thought that came to mind was to wonder if there were more of them ready to come floating across the snow like little green mice.
Doc
ReplyDeletein the future, never use the term Blowing and a Park of Red Bridge in the same sentence. Sweet find, none the less, and sounds like your trip was more productive than mine.
Pap
I know Im a degenerate, I know what they right thing is, I just know me. I'd keep the cash, and I wager most would, even when they say otherwise, although clearly there are exceptios, god love em.
Stacey
its always the other guy who takes out an innocent.
I was stuck in the never ending line o stupid on my way to work yesterday afternoon. I don't understand why people in this city are so afraid of snow.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the money...yeah...I would keep it. As much as a slime ball as it would make me...that money could do so much better for me than for the person who mindlessly left it in a stall.
Great post MM.
ReplyDeleteIt took me almost three hours to get home last night. I had to re-route because there was a 9 car pileup including two school buses. Yikes.
Keep the money. Fo sho.
-KSS
MM,NP!
ReplyDeleteYou know I am not even saying that I know for a fact that I would give it back, or that most people would. If I lost the money, I would figure it was gone, and it would be my dumass to blame.
But if I found a bag-o-loot and decided to keep it, what would I do with it? Blow it like Doc? Throw a big party? Buy that 60" LCD TV AND the 8K camera?
Maybe that's another post, asking folks what they would do with the cash?
btw, I saw an ad on Craigslist for a blog writer, and I thought about the MM!
I like to think I'd return that kind of cash, but I'm a greedy lil monkey so who knows.
ReplyDeleteAnd, not to brag or anything, but it really doesn't snow here : ) But our drivers here totally freak if the forecast even mentions rain.
Sorry pal, keeping the money is a very poor statement on you, and anybody else who would claim it.
ReplyDeleteInteresting read and all, you’ve done yer time, calling it likes ya sees 'um, and jail and your hard life has given you special insight on what’s right and wrong.
Cute!!!
We'd all be tempted to keep the money.
But some of us have a definition of what is good or bad - and that definition generally might be:
If everybody did it, would the world be a better, or worse, place?
Now, I'm sure you'll come back with a cynical, sarcastic answer guaranteed to bring a laugh or a cynical nod.
But I think when push comes to shove, we all know what the right thing to do is.
Oh, and the issue is really not finding $97,000 in some Cracker Barrel shitter.
I mean really, Midtown Miscreant.
I think you've been watching way too much Fox News.
Finding $97K in a cracker barrell shitter?
You have a better chance of being struck by lightning and bitten by a shark, in the state of Kansas on the Capitol steps of Topeka, on the same day.
And I'm fucking serious.
The issue, and the lesson that you're teaching, is that if you find a wallet in the Sun Fresh parking lot in Westport, and you see the driver's license and can ID the owner, you take the cash and chuck the wallet and feel good about it.
Nice.
You know, street cred is often times just a license to act irresponsibly.
mainstream
ReplyDeleteHow is it you know me so well, when I hardly know me myself. actually, you are wrong on a couple of counts, I'll talk loud so you can hear me way up there in your lofty perch. I actually have found a purse, not at a sunfresh but the middle of wornall road. Hate to burst your bubble, but I called the lady and returned her property. I was never a petty thief or an uncaring person. There is a big difference between a wallet in a parking lot and 100 k in a bathroom. I was commenting on the latter. But hey, you are entitled to your opinion, no jokes, no acidic retorts are forthcoming. I will say that the high moral road is easily travelled in the mind, but in reality the high and mighty often take a different path. Slam me for my lack of morals, or give me credit for being honest about what most of us, present company excepted, would do, it's all good. Thanks for reading and your thoughts. I'll try to stay clear of Topeka during storms.
Don't be so offended.
ReplyDeleteSo you're the only one allowed to rant?
One of my many character flaws is ranting, taking things out of context, and drawing inaccurate conclusions based upon very little - if any - evidence.
I meant to rant, but I didn't mean to (really) offend you.
Not offended mainstream. I was being my usual surly self, lighten up, rant away. no offense taken nor intended.
ReplyDeleteThis happened just down the road from us! I found the story odd, to say the least.
ReplyDelete