Fast Eddie Friday.....Snow Jobs, No Jobs, and Blow..hards...

I know, I know, you thought I was going to put a JOB at the end of Blow, hey this is a family friendly place, we don't use that kind of language. By we, I mean ME, the rest of that sentence was bullshit as well. It looks as if we are in for some snow , last night Mike Thompson fox 4 said he was pretty sure we wouldn't get much, while Katie Horner advised laying in 6 tons of canned goods and vials of morphine before we are buried in yards of white n flaky Armageddon. That's a slight exaggeration, then again so are her alarmist weather reports. I suppose it keeps the blue hairs glued to the screen. Just once I'd like to see a weather clown say "Hey, I don't have a clue what it's going to do". They don't, and they won't, until it's knocking at our door, which it is. If weather people were hookers, there would be a lot of Johns walking around with with teeth marks on their junk.

Great day in the morning, Kansas City's own, King of Sting, purveyor of horse shit, and former coke dealer to unfunny comics, Craig Glazer, has sold the rights to his book. At least that's what his girlfriend Hearne is reporting. Seriously, not more than a day or so goes by that Hearne ( I'm an icon so I just use one name like Madonna and Carrot top, ooops thats two names) Christopher fails to reference Glazer. For those of you who have never heard of Glazer or Hearne please allow me to bring you into the 1980's. Glazer owns, operates, and bankrupts comedy clubs, bars, and his mother. Hearne is a former Star columnist, name dropper, and trust fund douche nozzle. Glazer put out a book about how he robbed drug dealers while posing as an undercover cop along with some other guy who ended up as worm food while practicing that trade. I haven't read Glazer's book, don't plan on it, don't need to. He claims to have spent decades running this scam, made more money than Matchbox Twenty, blah, blah, bullshit, blah. I've no doubt he stuck up some college kids and former drug connections, for a few ounces of coke and a little weed. Drug dealers, real heavy hitter drug dealers, do not lay down for a couple of Apple Dumpling Gang stick up kids. You might get away with that shit a few times, but not for years, let alone decades. Anyway, the guy managed to get someone to pen his memoirs, and now he has a movie deal, albeit one that will go straight to VHS. So maybe I'm just goofed up on hateraid. As for the movie, Froggy of Little rascals fame is set to play Glazer. Hearne will be cast as the guy who likes to rub elbows with the seedy lite types. I hear they are looking at either Ryan Seacrest or the kid from Jerry Maguire to play the role of Hearne. "the human head weighs 8 pounds", not counting the silver spoon. Why so hard on a guy who I am only slightly familiar with through his Star column, and his blog? He annoys me, people with more money and commercial success than yours truly, tend to draw that reaction from me, I can't help it. Besides his writing has always had an obnoxious vibe to it. Pot meet kettle. Considering most 6 year old kids with a piggy bank have more money than me, and the lettuce guy at Burger King has me beat in the success department, it's a miracle I'm not in a shack in Idaho, writing manifestos and eating squirrels.

Feel the love in here? Lets wrap it up and put this thing to bed.

Larry ( spits don't swallow) Johnson got probation for disturbing the peace, if he walks down his two years of probation, the charges go away, like it never happened. Sir Lawrence was originally charged with two counts of assault. He shoved a woman in the head in the first incident, in the second he spit on a woman in a club on the Plaza. In 2003 he copped an agg assault case while threatening his girlfriend with a gun, in 2005 he beat an agg assault case after the witness recanted and failed to show, cha ching$$$$. If you or I were to spit on some random person, do you think we would get such a sweet deal? Larry got a one game suspension for being a douche bag, one game. When far, far, better ball players have been sacked for entire seasons and careers for smoking weed, or driving drunk, this ass hat gets a pass. We wonder why kids turn out to be such shit heels later in life, you need look no further than guys like Larry Johnson. Larry has a whole bunch of money, the kind of money that will buy a lawyer with the connections to make cases go away, the kind of money to buy ridiculously over sized wrist watches, but clearly not enough to buy an ounce of class. You can slap a saddle and bridle on a pig, toss a jockey on his back, enter him in the Derby, at the end of the day it's still a pig. Stay classy Larry, I hope she sues you until you are down to a Timex and a Hyundai.

And Breathe..................