I was going to write this post yesterday evening, trust me there would have been F-bombs on a nuclear scale. Hiroshima ain't got shit on me. I know some of you read me at work, and some of you aren't real wild about all the profanity and shit, so I'm trying real hard to clean it up, but sometimes I just can't help but let it fly. In fact, fuck that, if I clean it up, drop the attitude, sprinkle liberally with political correctness, you might as well go read a goddamn mommy blog. Like Popeye, I am what I am, and that's all that I am, or something like that. Anyway, I almost went to the V A yesterday, wrapped in garbage bags, kind of a home made bio hazard suit. I thought I'd run through the building, screaming some line about "being mad as hell and not gonna take it anymore". Instead I found my inner chi, sat in the Lotus position, and drank some green tea. Okay, that last line was pure unadulterated bullshit.
For those not paying attention, here is a quick primer on my latest Veterans Hospital Adventure.
I was struck down with the shingles, which is basically reconstituted chicken pox, and to be honest, I'm assuming that it was shingles, because I diagnosed it myself on Google. I always diagnose myself on Google prior to heading to the V A, and that's a good thing, trust me. Knowledge is power when dealing with the nimrods who populate the V A. An example from my first visit; The Physicians Assistant I saw on my first trip, diagnosed me as having Shingles, took a culture to send off to the lab, then asked me if I wanted a flu shot. Shingles is a virus. If you have a viral infection, you aren't supposed to get a flu shot. So I ask the P A , if it's a viral thing, I thought I'm not supposed to get a flu shot. His response? " Oh, that's right. Well we can skip it then." So he gives me meds, sends me on my merry way. As I'm checking out, which requires another 30 minute wait, I find out he scheduled a follow up for two weeks. Call me crazy, but I want those lab results as soon as they are ready, not in two weeks. No problem, I'll just take a drive up there, get the results from medical records.
Sounds simple, no? No.
Here is a time frame of how my day was spent yesterday.
11:00 A.M. I arrive at the V A. I walk in to the records office. Two employees are sitting behind the counter talking about their weekends, no other patients are in the office, just me and them. I tell the lady I want a copy of my labs. She says " I don't have time to do that. I can send them to you through the mail."
How long will that take?
"About 20 days" she says.
So I lie. I tell her I drove 50 miles one way, I need those results to take to an outside doctor.
"Sorry, we are short handed, we just can't do it today. But you can try back later in the week"
She then spins her fat ass back around to continue her weekend update.
This ain't exactly my first rodeo, I've been to records before. Printing off labs takes a couple of keystrokes, my signature, and about 2 minutes.
Keep in mind, she doesn't know what these labs are for. I could have cancer, it could be a major fucking illness where time is of the essence. I'm getting pissed, but I check myself, turn and leave.
I go upstairs to the Green clinic. I explain to the lady at the desk what just took place. She shakes her head knowingly, mutters something about everyone being out with the flu. So I ask if I can see a nurse from the Green clinic.
" You will need to go through same day care first" she replies.
But I just want the results of my labs.
"Well you can't see same day care unless you are sick, or have a medical problem" she responds.
So I can't talk to a nurse?
"Sorry".
How do I get my lab results?
"Through records. Next".
Do you see where this is headed?
Now I'm getting annoyed at this point, go figure. So I leave, figure I'll go home and call the douche bag P A, and get the results.
I spent 3 hours on the phone. The switchboard would transfer me to the clinic, I'd get 20 minutes of shitty muzak, then my call would get dropped.
The green clinic has no direct line.
The green clinic has no voice mail.
My primary care physician, who is really just a physicians assistant? Ditto, no direct line or voice mail.
So I call the Patient Advocate. I give her a run down on all that's transpired. She is sympathetic, says she gets this complaint all the time. After much tsk tsking, and oh that's awfuls. She basically tells me I'm shit out of luck.
Lets recap.
Labs take less than a day to get back, because the V A has a lab.
The lazy beeatch in records can't be bothered.
You can't see your primary care person without an appointment.
You can't get an appointment without going to same day care.
You can't go to same day care just to get an appointment for the green clinic.
You can't leave a message for your doctor, because he has no voice mail.
What I'd like to do.
Go to records and bite the end of this broads nose off.
Tell her to go to same day care.
If she is lucky they will give her an appointment sometime later in the week.
What I will actually do.
I'll be going back to records today.
They will either give me my lab results, or be deluged with a string of profanity that would make a sailor blush.
Look, I'm 99 percent certain I've got the shingles. My girlfriend, a nurse who works with old people, and sees shingles on a regular basis, says it's most likely shingles. But that ain't the fuckin point. The point is, there is a slim possibility, that it's a bacterial infection. The point is, with the V A you always want to make sure. Lest we forget, the V A in Virginia recently infected 38 people through endoscopes, 5 with HIV, 33 with Hepatitis C. So, you never want to just trust the V A with your health, based solely on one visit that is not backed up with lab results.
To all who are demanding Government run health care; be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.
First of all, keep up the f-bombs. This wouldn't be the blog I love reading if you stopped dropping those.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, I work in a doctor's office and while I can safely say that we're not that bad, I completely understand your frustration. The amount of hoops that need to be jumped through by patients around here in order to get stuff done is boarderline insanity. I spend most of my day getting screamed at by patients who are at their absolute wit's end.
Finally, it's not just the VA that's scarily inept. I went to a local urgent care clinic run by a hosptial with a world-renowned reputation because I had broken out in hives. When I asked for a steroid injection in order to stop the itching (as that's what my allergist does for bad breakouts), the DOCTOR - not nurse, not PA, not resident - THE DOCTOR told me that she wasn't comfortable giving shots. I promptly got off of the exam table, walked out and went to CVS for some Benadryl.
MM - I hope you haven't left yet. Here's what you need to do. Take a pen and paper. When they deny you, ask them for their name and title. Look at the clock. Then get out your pen and paper IN FRONT OF THEM and write a note of what they have just told you. Read it to them out loud. Ask them if you have the information correct. Next, ask them for their name and title. Write it down. Now, inform them that you are going to contact your congressional representative and your service officer and that you want to be sure the info is all correct and ask them once again if you have everything correct.
ReplyDeleteBE CALM while you are doing this.
This is an old trick I learned long ago about how to handle situations like this. It may not work but give it a try.
And then scream FUCK YOU once you're outside the door. And, then call your congressman and service representative !!!
They never complain about medicare because they have supplemental policies in addition to medicare which covers the big hole medicare leaves. Medicare plus supplement costs my 78 year old aunt $350 a month and she's as healthy as a horse.
ReplyDeletePeople better not be thinking that universal health care is gonna be free. There will be premiums and they won't be cheap for the middle class.
I won't be at any tea parties, I promise. I just hope universal health care isn't run like the V A. They have had a long time to get it right, and it seems to just get more convoluted and fucked up.
ReplyDeleteMM, I don't care how many F-bombs you use in your entries. If you can keep them out of your titles, I'd love to link to you. I just don't want F-bombs showing up on my blog. My cousins and nephews read my blog. So do my children, but they're cool with F-bombs.
ReplyDelete"Young Frankenstein" = my favorite movie ever.
ReplyDeleteNext time you go, take a notebook and start writing down names. Make sure and ask for last names, also. If nothing else, it will make them really nervous.
ReplyDelete(jumping up and down, pointing) See, see, that's what I was talking about!
ReplyDeleteGreat telling of the story, MM.
I don't know why it is so hard for patients to access their own medical record. When I was at the VA, I used to give patients printouts from their records all the time. All you need to do is make sure of identity, to satisfy the HIPPA law.
It's tough to find someone who will go the extra mile in a government job.
Annony, RN
Wow,what was it like to be treated like a disabled person? My sister (who was born with 1/3 of her brain missing) and my (Autistic)nephew are on SSI. They are not able to work, but are decent, honest people. They have not seen a doctor in years because no doctor will take Medicaid. They have only seen nurse-practitioners and are looking forward to seeing a doctor, if they need to. But that will only happen with a public option.
ReplyDelete