Fast Eddie Friday....Santa the sexual predator and other local news.

Why is it always the creepiest looking perv, the last guy in the world you would allow around a child, who seems to end up in the news for multiple molestations? Phil, the molesting prospector, Edwards was popped by the feds. His crime? Other than that hair , beard, and shit eating grin in his mugshot, the feds say he doped minors up on Ambien, slipped in to ice cream. The money quote comes by way of the U.S. attorney “His view is that society places arbitrary lines (as in age restrictions) around sexual conduct, with which he doesn't agree,” . Note to parents, if you have a neighbor who looks like a Gold prospector from Treasure of the Sierra Madre, maybe you should make sure your kids steer clear of him. At the very least, don't let them attend any Ice Cream socials he might be sponsoring. On a related note, Ben and Jerry's announces their newest flavors, Sleepy Spumoni and Bad Touch Tutti Frutti.

Mayor Mark, you rang, Funkhouser is helping the police push for renewal of the Combat Drug Tax. The cops claim they need this tax to keep fighting the local drug war. It's a quarter cent tax, and if it is really helping, then I'm all for it. The proponents of the tax say it works, and the proof is in the downward trend of drug arrests. If anyone thinks drug activity has decreased, given the constantly rising body counts in the city's poorer areas, I have an Eggo Toaster Waffle with Elvis and the Virgin Mary on it that I'd like to sell you. Combat may be helping to continue the war on drugs, but it's a war that was lost long before it ever got fully underway. The money quote comes from mayor Funkenstuff who claims that "Thousands of drug houses have been shut down". This isn't Los Angeles, we don't have one thousand drug houses, let alone thousands, and if we did, and they shut that many down, then the war would be over. I think Chief Corwin is a dedicated cop, and is doing his best. I'm sure he cringes every time the Mayor opens his pie hole. If the Mayor really wants to help, he should stick to alienating his constituency and worshipping his wife. The guy is a reverse Midas, everything he touches, turns to shit.

It's no big secret, I love me some whiskey tango white folks. Give me a trailer park festooned with rebel flags, or angry hillbillies, and I'm a happy camper. Nadia Pflaum has an article, and a series of follow up posts over at The Pitch, that rivals anything Jerry Springer ever aired. It's a tragic story that involves the suicide of a local bar owner. The story is sad, as when anyone takes their own life, it's a gripping read, and despite her critics, Pflaum writes about crime and the seamy side of life better than any other reporter in this city. The comments, especially in the multiple follow up posts, reveal as much if not more, about the cast of characters involved.

When you have time, give it a read, especially the follow up posts and the comments. If you don't hear banjo music in the background as you read the comments, I'll kiss your Flame Festooned Brush Popper shirt. Not really.

That's it for this week. Have a safe weekend, see ya Monday.