Yea though I walk................

I Mark Smith, being of debatable sound mind and semi sound body, do make what may be my final post. Yea though I walk through the revolving doors of the V.A. Hospital, I shall fear no evil. Although the medical staff is an entirely different matter altogether. Tomorrow dear reader, may be the last for ol Dub M. While many may think having a super 8 camera attached to a rotor rooter cable with duct tape, shoved up the ass sounds like a party, I'm not one of them. But a mans gotta do, what a mans gotta do. Therefore it is with much dread and no small reluctance and trepidation that I will go for a colonoscopy tomorrow morning. Before you mock my melodramatic writing on the subject of all things V.A., keep in mind that I've been down this road, heh, about a year or so back. Granted it didn't come to fruition as I got up off the table, ass hanging out of a paper gown, and told the slightly frightened east Indian doctor and bewildered staff to back the fuck up with that thing in his hand.


Confession time. I've been married and divorced 3 times, indicted by state and federal grand juries, stabbed, shot by accident in the shin, broken both arms, one leg, lost 2 fingers, been beat up, beat down,been to more prisons and jails than I care to mention. Been shot at and missed, shit at and hit. And through it all, I managed to not run off screaming like some male figure skater with a hang nail. I've always managed to Man Up, even if I was scared shitless, I didn't let it show. But put me in a hospital, and I go soft as medicated cotton. Come at me with a medical instrument, and my reaction makes the Snuggle fabric softener Bear look like a bad ass. Before you try to reassure me how it's going to be okay, it's just a minor medical procedure, stop being such a pussy, save your breath. I ain't trying to hear it.


It's important to remember that one V A hospital infected upwards of 100 people with Hep C and HIV by using unsterile instruments during a colonoscopy. Apparently wiping them down with a baby wipe between procedures doesn't do the trick. All joking aside, the only thing I find comfort in, is the knowledge that I intend to remain fully awake, and if I suspect anything is amiss, I will put the camera man in a Kung Fu death grip, and take him with me on my way out. So in light of the major medical procedure and the trauma to follow, I probably wont be back here until Thursday. On the upside, I may finally find the remote to my TV during the procedure. I've looked everywhere else.