Fast Eddie Friday.......The Star hates Kansas City....

This is my first post in a couple of weeks. There's plenty of topics I could go with. The ongoing murder rate, the minuscule number of voters who turned out for the school board vote, health care reform and all that goes with it. Each an important topic in their own right. But these all pale in comparison to the insidious attack on this city by it's paper of record. The Kansas City Star hates it's namesake city. For some inexplicable reason, the Star is going out of it's way to turn KC into ground zero for douche baggery. No I'm not referring to Mike Hendricks latest column, or any of Hendricks columns, although they do stink of douchiness.
I only wish that this attack on the city I love was confined to a single hack columnist, but this shit runs deeper than one pasty JoCo Columnist. Half way down the KC Star websites main page you will find this heading

Party Pics | Outlaw Jim's birthday at Brewtop Pub and Patio

Accompanied by this photo. Is that Outlaw Jim? I have no idea. What I can say is that I've known some outlaws, I've been an outlaw, done time with outlaws, this guy is no outlaw.

The Star likes to show Kansas Citians at their worst, and I wish that the couple above was as bad as it gets. A hippy looking dude in some kind of African print shirt and ridunkulous hat I could live with, if that's as bad as it got. But it isn't, it's worse, and it's my moral obligation to point it out. So I struggled through one painful slide show after another. Without further ado.
The shot above is of 3 examples of the douchiness that pervades the P&L district. I believe that this trio of nimrods are riding the new trolley that is supposed to transport drunks from the P&L district to Westport. I may be off on how far north and south this thing travels. What is certain, it's full of everything that is wrong with the world today. Seeing faded white boys in backwards ball caps flashing the Metal horns, always makes me sad. The middle age white mans burden, is knowing the next generation is dominated by tools wearing their hats backwards. Notice the woman in the background who looks like she is about to gack jello shots all over the new trolley.
Lone black guy on the same shuttle of drunken white folks, doing his best Hootie impersonation. He looks like a deer in the headlights, probably because he can hear the people behind him whispering about how he resembles those wanted posters all over Waldo. The woman sitting next to him is calling her Sorority sisters to gloat over bagging her first black guy.
Then again he might be looking at this hot mess.............
Nothing will make your parents prouder than doing the splay legged hoochie dance on a bus full of drunks. Even odds she ends the night roofied out, or tossing chunks in the parking garage, or both.

Once the bus deposits you at your party destination , you can look forward to seeing ........The Tragically Hip.

.......Pictures speak louder than any words I could write.....


And finally, the blissfully ignorant reason why being a hipster should be outlawed.......

So whats it all mean Double M? Well I'll tell you what it all means. The Star hates Kansas City. There is no other logical reason for showing this shit on the front page of a newspaper website.
Kansas City, more fountains than Rome, more Boulevards than Paris, more douche bags than Seattle...............or something.

See you next week.