Fast Eddie Friday......Is that a Daisy Red Ryder?

It's been a minute since my last installment of the non award winning Fast Eddie Friday. After receiving tens of  pleas for it's return I've dusted off the Fast Eddie  photo, the one with the worlds most graceful fat man. So without further adieu........Here we go. Fast and Loose.

Getting shot in Kansas City is a hot topic. Getting shot  for your pants, which probably came from Hot Topic is another matter entirely. A guy is playing with, riding, whatever the terminology, his skateboard in downtown around 19th and main. Two chuckle heads approach him, shoot once and miss, shoot again and hit him in the chest. Skater dood falls to the ground. Robbery in progress......and that's where shit gets strange. As our vic lays on the ground the would be stick up artists take his pants. That's right, his pants. According to the victim his wallet and cellphone were in his pockets. This story is as fishy as a Hippy chicks daisy dukes on the 4th day of a week long Grateful Dead festival. Seriously, who the fuck steals the britches off someone? Are our criminals that desperate? And here's the kicker, skater guy was treated and released. What the fuck? While I'm glad to hear the guy wasn't mortally wounded, getting shot in the chest isn't the same as a paper cut. Using my Sherlock Holmes like powers of deduction, I figure there was something inside this guys pants other than a phone and wallet. No Seacrest. I've seen the garb these skater types wear. I figure the vic had on some of those Hot Topic type shorts or pants, the kind that have a gazillion pockets, maybe a few chains and buckles for accents. The robbers didn't want to spend hours riffling through all these fucking pockets. Solution. Just take his pants.  As for being shot in the chest, treated and released in a matter of hours. Either the bullet was deflected by one of those big silver skull medallions, or Kansas City criminals are too poor to afford bullets and have resorted to using BB guns.  It's embarrassing is what it is.

Fox 4 has a story this morning that caught my eye.

 A guy drives himself to a gas station at 13th and prospect after being shot twice in the noggin and once in the chest. Now this isn't just any old gas station, this is the station where cops fill up their cars. Quik Trip is where they fill up on donuts and free soda pop, but at 13 and Prospect they fill their cop cars.  Here is the money line from the story, "Police said a man, after being shot twice in the head and once in the chest, has refused to talk."  That's right skippy, he refused to talk. Before he clammed up he told the cops he got capped at 53rd and Garfield after stopping to let a female passenger out of the car. Then he tells the cops he aint talking.  Usually when you get shot twice in your head, let alone another time in the chest, talking isn't an option. Generally that is the type of wound that will turn you into an organ donor. If the cops can find the persons who shot this guy, they might want to see if they are connected to the skater shooting. Clearly firepower is an issue with the current line up of gangsta types in the KC area. Hey times are hard, the economy is tough, and decent guns and bullets are apparently hard to come by.  It's rough all over, even for our local criminal types. Shitty guns, piss poor bullets, and pants stealing. What in the fuck is the world coming too?

Have a safe weekend, and if someone puts a gun in your face, hope it's one of the Apple Dumpling Douche Bags that are armed with substandard weaponry.