Fast Eddie Friday.......Of Mice, Men, and Mushrooms.

Let me just say this; I'm a live and let live kind of guy. I have never been one of those folks who feel it is incumbent upon them to pass judgment on anyone's sexual proclivities. If it's between one or more consenting adults, and as long as no children or animals are harmed, I say whatever floats your boat, trips your trigger, or keeps your powder dry, is your business. I don't care if you  spent the evening trying to retrieve a G.I. Joe from your  partners ass, via one of those acrylic hamster tubes, during a game of Chilean Miner Rescue gone wrong.   People do some strange shit. Add hallucinogens to the mix and and an already freaky disposition can go completely off the charts. That said, if you decide to abuse an innocent animal then I'm gonna be on you  like stink on a pig. Hence the post about this scumbag pictured below....................................

 Meet Noah ( I stuffed a mouse up my ass) Smith.  Now it's bad enough that this clown decided to use his colon as a habitrail, shit gets deeper. Mr Mouse Trap then decided to up the ante. He breaks in to a house, naked, gets in a fight with the police who show up to arrest him, and to make matters worse, he gets pepper sprayed and tazed. One of the arresting officers notices our boy has something hanging out of his rectal-assall area.

Wait a minute..........

It appears the mouse in question wasn't an actual living cheese eating type of mouse.  It was a computer mouse. Well hell that's a huge relief. I'm glad no actual animals were harmed. Still you have got to wonder, what would posses someone to burgal a house, buck naked, with a computer mouse wedged up his hot pocket?  The answer is simple. MUSHROOMS.  Now I've tried shrooms back in the day. When I was younger, back in the mid to late 70's, I'd try just about anything that would get ya high.  A few of us ate some  peanut butter looking stuff we got from a hippy at Volker Park. I woke up at home, 3 days later. One of the other lab rats I ran with woke up in the hospital after chugging a can of  radiator stop leak that he mistook for a can of beer. Not sure what that hippy sold us, but we went back a few days later and beat a refund out of him.  So I'm no stranger to drug experimentation. I ate mushrooms a few times. They made me throw up, fucked up my vision, and tasted like sunflower seed shells dipped in hog shit. I dont eat pork, so I'm just guessing what hog shit tastes like.  Anywho, at the end of the day I decided mushrooms were not for me. I never felt compelled to burgal anything while under the influence, and I didn't have an irresistable urge to plug my balloon knot with a keyboard from a commador computer. I don't think they had mouses/mice back then.

In keeping with the original theme of this post.....Have you seen those dog toys where you stuff a treat inside a cavity in the toy and the dog goes crazy trying to get it out of the rubber ball/bone thing?  Michelle Owen took that shit to a whole new level. This nut job was already in the pokey for some kind of drinking related charge. She decides to turn over her laptop to the cops claiming her ex had been surfing child porn. The detectives get the laptop, low and behold they find two, count em, 2 videos of Michelle having marital relations of the oral variety with her beloved Beagle, Buster.  You can read the details on the Smoking gun if you want, but I'd advise against it. The police report describes this woman smearing something on her no no square and then letting Buster have at it. They don't say what the substance was but it clearly wasn't a kibble that Buster cared for. The money quote from the detective, " The dog appeared to lose interest and walked off".  I hope Miss Owen gets that thing checked out while she is in jail.  There are few things a dog won't wallow around in, and if your holiest of holies  is so repugnant that you have to mask it with bacon grease or whatever she used, and the dog still doesn't want any part of it, then you have a major issue going on down there . I hope Buster finds a good home, preferably one where the humans aren't as fucked up as soup sandwiches.

And finally. It looks like my late nights working are about to grind to a halt. You can look for a little more regularity in regards to posting around here.  I'm going to make one final attempt to get my writing mojo back on track. I've already got a few posts in the can ( no Seacrest), so look for those starting Monday. I know at least a couple hundred of you clowns have been faithfully checking in on a daily basis to see if  I have anything new posted, so thanks for hanging in there.