Is that a crotch rocket, or are ya just glad to see me?

Unless you have been living in a cave, ( no Bin Laden), then I'm sure you have heard of the growing protests over Body scanners and frisking in the nations airports. Some clown has become an innerwebs sensation for telling a security dude to not touch his junk, or else he will have him arrested. Now there is National Opt Out Day.  Some douche nozzle is urging air travelers not to go through new, high-tech body scanners the day before Thanksgiving, which means they'll have to undergo pat downs if they want to board. Which in turn will pretty much grind shit to a halt at the airports that have the scanners. Of course these "Patriots and defenders of Liberty" will be just as offended by the body search. Now I realize I'm probably in the minority here, most folks probably don't like the idea of giving an X-ray peep show to some stranger, and the pat down is none to popular either.  Speaking as someone who was routinely frisked and strip searched on a daily basis for 5 years, I have to say it isn't that big of a deal. Granted being in the Gray Bar Motel isn't the same as some square world citizen  paying hundreds of dollars for an airline ticket, but stick with me for a minute and I think you might see my point.

In prison there are 2 types of body searches.
The pat down.
The typical pat down consists of holding your arms out like you are being crucified. The hack usually starts at each leg, runs his or her hands up each leg, feels your pockets, continuing up each side of your torso, across your chest, and usually down the center of your back. I was probably subjected to 3500 or 4,000 pat downs in 5 years.

The Strip Search.
You get buck ass naked. If you have hair on your head, I didn't, you run your fingers through your hair, open your mouth, show under your tongue. The hack is standing a few feet away as you do this. Then he tells you to lift em. The "em" being your package, your junk, your meat whistle, bait n tackle, what ever you want to call it. Then you turn, lift your feet, preferably one at a time. Then you spread em, the "em" in this case being the cheeks of your ass, then you squat and cough, being careful not to squat too far lest your balls touch the cold concrete prison floor. I went through hundreds of those as well.

In extreme cases the prison staff might decide to do a cavity search, except there isn't any dentist involved.  In all my years inside I never heard of anyone being given a cavity search. If the guards thought you had something stuffed in the safe (your ass) they would just lock you in a dry cell for a couple of days and let nature take its course.

I know, I know, What the fuck does some dirt bag like me being in prison have to do with a free world citizen being subjected to  an intrusive search? Plenty, so shut your cake hole for a minute and I'll splain where I'm heading.
In prison there is a small minority of cons who are more than a little crazy. If given free reign they would be running around with 2 foot long plexiglass shanks stabbing the shit out of anyone that looked cross eyed at them. As unpleasant and intrusive as strip searches and to a lesser degree pat downs are, being stabbed everywhere but the soles of your feet by some wobble head, is far more unpleasant. It's a necessary evil in a place where there are people who would just as soon kill you as look at you. While I call Prison Guards hacks, let me just say it's not out of disrespect, it's just what I've always called them. At the end of the day, if they had just stayed inside a bubble and pushed buttons, leaving the cons to our own devices it would have been a killing field inside. As with any position of authority there were cool hacks, and douche hacks, likewise with the prison population. Same as the free world.

Still with me? We live in a world where religious zealots will strap bombs to their feet, their crotch, and even up their ass. We are one of, if not the most hated country in the world. So how are the square world hacks, in this case the TSA, the Gubmint, supposed to protect us from the crazies in this world who will gladly pack their crack with explosives, or make a jock strap out of C4? You can't start targeting everyone with olive skin and funny last names. That shit won't fly in this politically correct world, and to be fair, most middle eastern types aren't out to blow us up anyway. So the necessary evil is to check everyone. If these measures weren't taken, the first time some whack job jihads an Airbus full of travelers, the same people who are bitching about Gubmint intrusion, would be up in arms because the Gubmint didn't do enough.

You might recall that I got banned from a certain airline just for cussing out some clueless Travelocity dude in India over the phone, while standing too close to the ticket counter at MCI. In hindsight, I've got to admit  it was a bone headed move on my part and I got what I had coming. It's becoming increasingly popular in this country to spout shit like "Take back our country", "don't tread on me", people toss around words like Patriot, and imply that anyone who has opposing views is somehow less of an American than  some chuckle head waving a sign and screaming along with a bunch of other nimrods holding signs. This TSA protest thing is just an extension of that same paranoid the gubmint is out to strip us of our rights and turn us all in to a bunch of Mao quoting lemmings in drab PJ's and cereal bowl haircuts. I'll be the first to admit that our country is run by a bunch of self serving ass hats, regardless of their political party. I don't trust a single politician, they are all as crooked as a barrel of snakes. That said, I don't buy into the conspiracy theory Illuminati tin foil hat rhetoric that is growing in popularity. Sometimes you just have to take one for the team. Until the mad scientists at area 51 devise a terrorist detector from secret technology derived from the aliens they keep locked up in hyperbaric chambers, everyone is just going to have to bite the bullet, walk through the machine, let some stranger feel your leg, or take a fuckin train.