Lord of the Flies ain't got shit on kids today..........

It may come as a surprise to some of you rubes, but I'm not real fond of kids, in general or otherwise. ( no Mike bad touch Jackson).  I don't hate kids, I'm not anti kid, I just don't have much use for them or any tolerance for their bullshit. Having been a horrible child myself, I know of what I speak when I say that 75 percent of children , especially the male of the species, should be locked in a room and only let out to attend school, perform no wage labor, or for medical emergencies. From the age of around 8 up to 17, there is nothing more repugnant to me than some mouthy punk ass ill mannered boy child. Having once been a card carrying reprobate from that age group, I speak from experience. As fucked up as I was as a child, and make no mistake, I was as fucked up as a soup sandwich, I still knew my limits. I didn't run my mouth at some grown ass man who might put a boot in my ass.  Kids today know all they need to do is call 911 or child protective services, and next thing you know you are standing before the bench for raising your voice at some little punk ass 11 year old.

Let me give you an example of how things have changed, then I'll get to the point of this Gran Torino rant. When I was around 12, running around with other delinquents, we took great pleasure in terrorizing the more eccentric adults in our neighborhood. One old guy in particular was a frequent target of our shenanigans. This guy had the misfortune of having a German sounding name, Konkel. Old Man Konkel. Not sure if Old Man was his given name, but that's what we called him. We also called him a Nazi, even though most of my friends had no idea what a Nazi was. Legend was Konkel was Hitlers go to guy, and he had lampshades made from human skin, ate soup from a human skull, the usual Nazi type shit.  Of course this was all imaginary made up shit based on the fact that Old Man Konkel had an accent, and was too old and slow to catch us and put a beat down on our worthless asses.

There was a storm creek that ran through our neighborhood. Dry as a bone normally, and it ran right behind the home of the neighborhood SS officer and skull soup slurping Nazi, Old Man Konkel. Myself and a few of the other ner do well shit heels, would catch Konkel out in his garden, pelt him with rocks, talk shit, then run like rats when he came toward us. It was big fun for a minute. In retrospect I realize that Old Man Konkel had the patience of Job. He put up with mad shit for about half of a summer. Then came that fateful day when he had had enough of our bullshit. The last time we fucked  with that old man, one of us got shot. The slow fat kid in our group. Craig Smith. He was shot. once in the back of  the neck, and at least once in his fat slow ass.

To this day I'm not sure how that old guy knew we were coming. At the time we chalked it up to some Nazi military training. Looking back my guess is we were just clumsy noisy little shits. Whatever the case, when we tossed that first rock, that old man moved like greased lightning, and grabbed a rifle out of his wheelbarrow. Turns out it was a BB gun, one of those co2 powered ones. At the time we had no way of knowing it was a BB gun. All we knew was that old man was faster than we gave him credit for, and it's hard to make a fast getaway in a drainage creek lined with jagged rocks. Nazi or not, the old man could shoot pretty fucking swell. He yelled some shit in German gibberish, dropped down in that creek bed, and lit the slow fat kids ass up.  At the time I thought he must be using a silencer, all I  heard was, pfffft, pfffft, pffft, followed by the screams of one fat ass Craig Smith.

We never fucked with that old man again. He didn't get in any trouble. No cops were called. No parents were outraged. Craig Smith found a new group of kids to waddle around with. I learned a lesson that day. Don't fuck with old people, especially old German dudes.

Fast forward to present day...........

 Since most people have the attention span of the common flea, I'm going to continue this post tomorrow  Wednesday.