Understanding cultural differences...

When I first got out of the joint I dated this crazy Laotian chick, which proves 2 things. One, I'm not racist. And two, I don't discriminate against crazy people. Before you get the wrong idea and conjure up some fucked up vision in your mind of me running around banging some wrinkled up old Laotian woman in a conical straw hat and betel nut stained teeth, I wasn't, and she wasn't. Her grandmother pretty much fit that bill, but I never laid a paw on her. In fact her granny didn't like me, or any round eyed cracker for that matter, but she especially disliked me. I'm pretty sure grams was what passes for a racist in Laos, and I'm equally convinced that she made racist comments about me, but the old bitch didn't speak a lick of Gods Language, which everyone knows is English, American English, not that fucked up gibberish English that the Limeys speak. So every time I happened upon the old bat, she would start speaking in clicks and whistles, shrill ear shattering, nails on chalkboard clicks and whistles.  I'd ask the woman what the old bag O bones was saying and she would laugh and say ," nothing". 

The entire family lived in an old brownstone building in Columbus Park, which the Asians have pretty much usurped from the Italians over the last 15 years or so.  Everyone had their own apartment. The building was as clean as the Board of Health, but it smelled funny.  Now the woman I was dating was about as Laotian as I am Irish or German, which is to say she had never set foot in Laos. She was born  in Texas the late 1960's, maybe early 70's. She inherited her looks from her mother, who you could tell was once upon a time quite a looker. She inherited the crazy gene from her grandmother. One time the woman was bitching at me for something or the other and I tried to ease the tension with a little humor. I'm paraphrasing because I don't recall the exact words, but it was something about her calming down before she lost her temper and used Kung Fu on me. She went ballistic and got all ethnic prideful on me. Which seemed a little ludicrous to me, beings she was only Laotian genetically speaking. She had the black hair, almond eyes, porcelain doll features, but she also spoke with a Texas drawl, except when she was speaking gibberish to one of her family, and her voice took on that shrill tone just like the rest of them.   We parted ways shortly after that.

I came away from that short lived relationship with a little better understanding of cultural differences. Foreigners eat fucked up food, but they find our food equally fucked the fuck up. If you think I'm oversimplifying cultural differences, you need look no further than this very blog for proof. A Cambodian boy, a real one, from Cambodia, and not Galveston, has made the news. Here's the skinny on this kid. He is around 2 or 3 years old. Hard to tell because the Asians don't age like we do. Sure you see some old ass wrinkled up Asians, but they are like 130 before they start to wrinkle. So in reality this kid could be 15 or 16, you can't judge by height, since the Asians aren't usually tall. His parents left him with his Gramps. Apparently the kid was still breast feeding when mom and pop dropped him off with the old man.

So the kid isn't eating. He is all the time crying. Then one day he has an epiphany. He sees a calf suckling at momma cow. Kid elbows the calf out of the way and goes to town. Which just proves that real Asians will eat anything, and they are genius innovators. Which explains how they have come to own more of America than Americans.

 Meanwhile we Americans have organizations like PETA, who would probably be all over this kid if he were over here sucking on a cows tit like some frat douche on a beer bong. If PETA did show up protesting, they would probably be met by counter protesters from some mommy blogger million mom group, protesting the kids right to fresh milk.  Me, I'm just glad the Cambodians don't keep dogs as pets, otherwise the little squirt might have got nipped by Duke the lab for getting fresh, if you catch my meaning.