A heartfelt holiday message from me to you...........

When I was a kid there was nothing more anticipated than  Christmas. That first bike, a maroon Western Flyer, high handlebars, banana seat, chrome fenders. I remember waking my mother before the first light of day, rushing into the living room, the bike gleaming next to the tree. The colored light reflecting off the chrome. That first ride in the basement parking area of the Wornall Bank. I rode that same bike for 5 or 6 years. I jumped shit with it, broke bones on it, even ran over my older sister while doing a wheelie on it. All good memories, for me anyway, for my sister, not so much. But the sweetest most vivid memory was that first morning, that first time I laid eyes on it. 45 years ago, and I remember it like it was last week. There were other memorable gifts. A Batman utility belt, when Batman was a slightly paunchy looking dude who came on TV, and the only special effects were BANG, POW, flashed across the black and white tv screen in our small living room. The Man from UNCLE pistol that looked like an innocent radio until you flipped the secret lever which turned it into a radio with a barrel and pistol grip. GI Joe frogmen. Some years there was more, some less, but every Christmas of my childhood was good. It was good because there wasn't anyone trying to Fuck... It... Up..

Jump forward 4 decades, and every douche bag with an agenda is trying to Fuck...It...Up. Much like Santa, I've got a list. My list doesn't need to be checked twice to find out who is naughty or nice. Everyone on my list, a shit list, is a dick wad, reprobate, PC shit heel, or just your average garden variety ass hat. Here's the list.

Atheists.
I'm not talking your regular run of the mill, I don't believe in God but don't feel the need to clown on anyone who does, type Atheist. Hey, I'm not exactly a believer, but I'm not buying the whole stars colliding, totally random, one in a gazillion chance, happenstance thing either. Not to mention, I don't want to be the dick whistle who spends eternity getting sodomized by some red dude with a pitchfork and goat feet, after spending my time on earth clowning on Christians. If there is a God, I'll refer him to this very post. Maybe I can get in on an exemption. Or at least get an anti sodomy rider on my one way ticket to hades. The atheists I've got a beef with are in the same vein as the mother and son whack jobs who decided to put a Santa Skeleton on a crucifix  at a courthouse in Loudoun County, Virginia. An atheist mother and her son who some reports say is christian put the display up.  Someone else took offense and knocked Santa skeleton off his cross.

Schools, government organisations, and anyone else who insists on calling a Christmas tree a holiday tree. Is it just me or does this PC horse shit seem like it's only targeted at CHRISTmas? I've yet to hear anyone demand that a Menorah be referred to as Holiday Candelabra, or that Kwanzaa should be renamed Newly made up holiday. Maybe Ramadan should be changed to "Man I need a sandwich day".  No? Too much? Have I stepped over the line and offended someone somewhere?

Here's the rub. Christmas for most people in AMERICA has become less about religiosity and more about kids getting gifts and enjoying being kids. Some Christians aren't cool with that, but that's beside the point. Christmas in the 5 decades I've been around has been a time of year when kids get to enjoy the perks of being a kid. Free from having someones ideological tripe shoved down their throats. It's about food, family, memories, helping people out, all that. But the main thing Christmas is about, here in this country, it's about those first few minutes, that kid running out to the tree, that first look of pure unadulterated joy at seeing whatever it is they have been waiting for. It's about being a kid, even for adults.

So how about we ease the fuck up and stop using every excuse under the sun to find offense in a tradition that has been around longer than the clowns who are offended by it. If you don't like Christmas, don't observe. Make up your own thing, like Festivus, or Kwanzaa, or "I don't believe in shit" day. Just don't piss in every ones Post Toasties and pretend you are offended. You aren't, you just can't stand to see anyone enjoy something that goes against your own fucked up grain.

Merry Christmas Bitches.