Fast Eddie Friday...we have met the enemy, he is us, and man are we screwed.

Just when you rubes were about to give up and start reading mommy blogs, I'm back, like a planters wart.  So let's get to it. Fast and loose, like an Indy avenue hooker.

These are dark times we are in, and by dark, I mean the dark walnut brown leathery mess pictured above.  Patricia Krentcil is the, crazier than a shit house rat, New Jersey broad who has been charged with child endangerment, for taking her kid into a tanning booth, which allegedly resulted in the young spawn getting skin burns. Patty cakes Krentcil denies she did any such thing. Her defense is the following quote, "They're jealous, they're fat and they're ugly". They, being everyone in America.  Nuff said, the defense rests. Look, I don't want to be a hypocrite, I used the tanning booths myself, not for a few years, but there was a time when I tried to hide the fact that I was so white I made Casper look like a Swahili. I've since come to embrace my whiter shade of pale, but when I was tanning I didn't do like this jersey broad, who must stuff one of those turkey thermometers up her bidness and not come out until the little blue "it's done" indicator pops up. Hell, I even wore a sock over my unit so as not to burn my frank and beans. It was a tube sock, in case you were wondering. One of those over the knee jobs with the stripes up top, like your dad wears with his red sansabelt coach shorts. As for Ms. Krentcil, the state should take her kid, and remove her uterus with with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch. There's no tube sock big enough to cover up that much dumb and ugly.  I could riff on this walking beef jerky all day, but I've got other fish to fry.

 This next group of shit heels is brought to you by the Occupy Wall Street Movement. Oddly, the recent May Day shenanigans , rioting, looting, and general mayhem has received scant coverage in the mainstream media. I'm not going to waste much time or bandwidth on these dick wads. They can drop that 99 percent bullshit, or at least reduce it by whatever minuscule percentile it takes to remove my broke ass from the equation. While the majority of the OWS crowd may just be a bunch of whiny, self entitled, think the world owes them somethings, shit draws flies, and OWS is responsible for any acts of violence, terrorism, and crime that results from their rhetoric. Normally I'd just clown on these clowns for a couple of paragraphs, but I'm in a transitional period, and I'm here to help. So listen up OWS, There is no utopia, the world doesn't owe you dick, nada, zip, zilch. If you don't want 150 k in student loan debt for your worthless degree in the Arts or whatever bullshit you studied in between bangin patchouli oil laden hairy pitted hippy broads with a single name like Moonbeam or Azure, then try going to a community college and earning a sensible degree that is actually worth something.

Bullying, it's the hot new issue that we can't get enough of.  In fact it's blown up so big in the media it now extends beyond kids picking on kids, or coworkers, or whoever. There is a dolphin in southern California who is the victim of bullying. Before you think the perp is some fat kid that smells like pee, who is running around snatching fish out of Flippers mouth, it's far more sinister. Here's the money quote from Peter Wallerstein, director of the Friends of Animals Marine Animal Rescue program in El Segundo. “This dolphin was intimidated,” “We’re not concerned about the health of the animal right now,” he said. “We don’t want to force the animal out only to have a potential confrontation with the other dolphins that might be in the harbor...We want to do the best thing for the animal.”  Hey Pete, not for nothin, but the best thing you can do is  let the dolphins sort their own shit out.  At this rate it won't be long before we see Pilot whales running around with co exist bumper stickers on their flukes, shooting rainbow skittle out of their blowholes.

I know what you are thinking. "what is the connection between, leather face, OWS shit weasels, and bullied fish mammals?"  Well allow me to explain it to you. This country is going to hell in a hand basket. The tannorexic woman and the bullied dolphin received as much or more news coverage than the rioting, looting, and home grown terrorism that OWS has morphed into. If that isn't a sign that this countries priorities are as fucked up as a soup sandwich, then I don't know what to tell ya.