In the aftermath of a stinging and shocking defeat it's easy to be depressed. I'll admit its been as tough of a week for me as it has been for many of my fellow Old Angry White Dudes and the barefoot and pregnant gingham prairie dress women who love us ,
5. We are going to be a slimmer nation. Lets face it, we are some fat sombitches. Why else would the first lady have spent the last 4 years telling us to eat our peas and do some jumping jacks. Remember when you were starting out on your own? You left the nest, got that shitty studio apartment, and lived on ramen noodles and bologna? You were lean and mean right? Well as the economy tanks and jobs disappear, so to shall the days of cake and steak. You fat bastards are going to finally get those pesky pounds shed.
4. Comic relief. Laughter is the best medicine. We have 4 more years of Biden. If we are really lucky he might run in 2016. I can feel you smiling at the computer screen right now.
3. The Ron Paulers and Tea Party people are saying they are going to take over between now and 2016. Hey, nothing says shits and giggles like isolationist foreign policy and tricorn hats. ;) I'm sure the people who voted for Obama because Romney was going to cut entitlements are gonna love these two groups of "real conservatives". 2016 is in the bag!
2. We can finally declare racism dead! Sure there were all those "I'm gon riot if Romneys wins, or I'm gonna assasinate Romney if he wins" tweets. I was a little worried, I've gotta admit. But the media and the Secret Service is all over that shit, or at least the single anti Obama facebook post where some white woman called Obama the n word.
1. If shit starts to get dicey in the middle east fear not. Potus will just stroll in with his sharp crease and sing a few bars of "My Girl". Lets face it nothing soothes and calms like the Temptations. Maybe he can challenge Ahmadinejad to a pickup game of horse or a round of golf. Winner gives up their nukes. Fear not, Obama has a hella 3 pointer.
In the words of Lil Orphan Annie and Jay Z, "It's a hard knock life" but at least we can all go to hell in a hand basket, or maybe one of those kick ass Chevy Volts.