Take a ride with me through Dog Patch. Now lock your door and dont make eye contact.

So you think you know Kansas city. You have lived here your entire life and pride yourself on being somewhat of an expert on this town. How many of you know about the picturesque little village officially known as Blue Summit, and I'm not talking about a JOCO school district where all the kids drive better cars than I do. No, the Blue Summit I am referring to, is a wooded area comprised of about 6 square blocks, nestled between Kansas City and Independence. It features rolling hills, quaint homes and tight knit residents. Its more well known by another name , Dog Patch. Just east of 435 off of Truman road, bordered by a couple of adult bookstores , a liquor store and a few run down commercial buildings. Dog Patch is notorious for the breed of people who live there. So for those of you who never knew the place existed , or knew it was there but wouldn't dare go near it, sit back, relax and take a ride with me through Dog Patch. Lock your door and fasten your seat belt while your at it.

Back in the day when I was an entrepreneur( crook), I knew a few people who grew up in Dog Patch. They were small time petty criminals, car thieves, boosters (shoplifters), and low level dealers. All of them were drug addicts and or alcoholics. I didn't run with them, or hang out in the same circle, but , I knew them just the same. Dog Patch has the distinction of producing crime families. Generations of greasy, wiry, mean spirited, hillbillies. Even though it sits in the center of Jackson county, you would never know it by the look of the place and a good portion of its residents. These guys are as country as a chicken coop. The women were just as bad, and often times meaner than the men. Most of the women seemed to be in a perpetual state of pregnancy, and usually had a brood of 3 or more future Dog Patchians running around in a yard that was mostly dirt and occupied by cars in various stages of disrepair. So when I was working today and Blue Summit came up on my maps, I knew what to expect.

When you first turn off of Truman road and enter Dog Patch, you are greeted by a sign informing you that you are entering Blue Summit. There should also be a sign with a skull and crossbones that says "Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter", instead the next sign you see is this one. I'm not sure if this admonition to keep your dog on a leash is to cut down on child mauling's by the numerous pit bulls in the area, or to insure that Fido doesn't end up being BBQ or a new set of snow boots .

One of the first and most striking things you notice is what appear at first glance to be abandoned, run down shacks, but upon closer inspection turn out to be occupied. Not only are they occupied, but they must have the same outsider trespassing detectors as most trailer parks. I had gone maybe 1/2 block when I noticed the telltale shifting of a curtain being pulled aside, or a window shade being parted slightly. The more bold lookouts would stick their heads out the door and glare at me. I glared back and pretended to talk in to a microphone so they would think I was five O.

On a couple of streets there were charred remains of houses, the police tape still attached to trees surrounding the premises. While the criminal element of Dog patch has remained steadfast and thriving for decades, the face has changed. In the 70's and 80's, the drugs of choice in Dog Patch were Crank and heroin. Crank, was similar to today's Meth , but it wasn't cooked by some chuckle head with a case of cold tablets and an Internet recipe. Crank was controlled and distributed mainly by Motorcycle gangs. In Kansas City, that drug market was controlled by the Galloping Gooses or El Forrasteros, more than a few of whom called Dog Patch home. While these guys were ruthless and slinging poison with no regard for the damage it caused, they knew the golden rule. You don't shit where you eat. So there wasn't anyone manufacturing dope back then. All of that changed when home chemists discovered how easy it was to cook today's Meth. The results weren't always successful, unless your definition of success was turning yourself into a human fireball and burning down the shack that your car thief Pappy bequeathed you when he OD'd on junk or died of liver disease.

I should say that in all fairness there are some normal hard working, albeit underprivileged folks who live in this armpit off of 435 and Truman road. But I would wager there are virtually none who have not been touched in a major way by the scourge of the Meth craze of the 90's and 2000's.

Here are some tips for any of you adventurous types who have a hankering to see if this place exists, or want to check up on me and see if I am taking literary liberties and pulling your leg.

Never drive through Dog Patch at night. Its dark as my first wife's heart. There are a few street lights, but I cant promise you they work. Try to have a cop like appearance. Talk in to an imaginary police radio from time to time. If they think you might be a cop they wont throw molotov cocktails at your car. On the other hand if they think you might be a bounty hunter looking for Bail Jumpers, you can expect to run over some roofing nails at the very least. If your car breaks down, do not attempt to walk out of Dog Patch. If you leave the safety of your car you may end up tied to a tree, while some guy with a single tooth that looks like a #2 pencil eraser tells you you have a purty mouf and calls his buddies to come share his new found friend. Last and not least, don't pull down any dead end streets, which is most of them. There is something unnerving about driving your car in reverse while a group of anorexic but WIDE awake hillbillies chase you with hand held napalm bombs.

****If you want to take a safer but less detailed trip google map ( 1530 Vincil Ave kansas city Mo.) then click street view. from Truman and Vincil head south up vincil, you can navigate the streets without risk of being attacked. But you cant really see quite as much detail. wander around up there, you never know what you might run up on.*****