And now we present..............Midtown Miscreant's Culture Corner

I like to think I am of average intelligence, okay a few notches above average. I'm no Steven Hawking mind you, but I ain't exactly Corky. I do tend to get a little ahead of myself at times, a bit of an over inflated opinion of myself. So when I need a reality check, when I feel the need to be brought down a notch or two, I head to the Nelson Atkins. It's been a while since I have gone to Kansas City's Louvre. In fact, I had never set foot in the multi million dollar Butler building addition until yesterday. Let me just say that I now have my ego fully in check. I know my place. I am a thick headed common man who has no business in an art gallery. Either that or I was witness to some of the biggest scams and cons since that snake hustled the naked chick in to biting his apple in a little place called Eden.

Half of the "ART" left me going, HUH, WTF? An apple being chased by a couple of olives. The little info card which accompanied the painting told me why this was art, it told me why this was a milestone in the world of dark clothes, contrived pomposity and uber uppityness, but to a simple minded knuckle dragger such as myself, it's just some olives chasing an apple.

And how are plastic lobsters in Tu-Tu's art? Well, according to the 4 paragraphs on the Art for Idiots card below this Disasterpiece, it's art, it's edgy, it has a message, it is whimsical and poignant. To me, it's just plastic crawdads in skirts.

Look, I'm not completely clueless. This is art, I get it.

And this, again, I get.

And while I find this to be, meh, booooooring, I still can see the effort and talent behind it, so I get it.

Want to know why I really like going to the Nelson? I feel like I'm in a James Bond flick. The security people in the navy blazers always seem to appear in whatever room I enter. I like trying to get them to make eye contact. And sometimes I try to look a little shady , which sadly for me isn't that big of a stretch.
Well, i hope you have enjoyed this little cultural foray, and you fuckers thought I wasn't classy, Ha! If you will excuse me now, i have art to make. I'm going to dip Max the Yorkie's balls in red paint and get him to scoot across some cardboard. I figure I can sell it to the Nelson or some other Artsy place. I just have to convince some rich doofus from the french poodle crowd that I'm all dark and brooding. Don't laugh, there's one born every minute, I just need to find the sucker.