I wrote and posted this last year. It's a shameless rip off of The night before Christmas, except it's better, and much more accurate. I think it pretty much sums up my feelings about the people who get all crazy and rude during the feeding frenzy that is Christmas shopping.
Twas The Night before Black Friday, and shoppers galore
All stood in line outside the Target store.
Same story at Best Buy, Wal-Mart and Cabela’s
Man, Woman , Child and a few Androgynous ....Fellas?
It started out as a lark, all were light hearted
Until around 3 when some fat guy in line farted.
People broke ranks,and the line fell apart
Only the bravest stood their ground,along with the guy who had cut the fart.
As the air cleared and folks returned to the line.
Angry words could be heard,"Hey dick, that spot is mine"
"Go fuck yer mother"
"Go blow a goat"
"I'll tear off yer head, and shit down yer throat"
An anemic young Gamer, who was hoping for a nintendo Wii,
was smashed in the face by someones knee.
A grandma was knocked down, I suspect just for fun .
But it quit being funny, when she came up with a gun.
Six people were shot in the wink of an eye.
"They lose their places" said the Fat Guy.
Then the doors opened and shoppers poured in,
the manager was trampled, and required stitches to his chin.
A soccer mom from JoCo smacked a guy with her purse.
"Out of my way , or shit will get worse."
They filled up their carts with electronics and more ,
and headed to check out near the front of the store.
They had waited all night,
freezing in line
To get a 300 hundred dollar item, for 269.99.
my kid wanted me to drive her to best buy to see a once-a-year camp out. i thought about going and taking some photos, but was too lazy to actually do it.
ReplyDeleteI guess I missed this last year. I'm laughing out loud.
ReplyDeleteThere is NOTHING that will make me camp out in a line. I don't care if Jesus himself was handing out free Wii's, I'm sleeping in.
ReplyDeleteAnd today a store clerk got trampled TO DEATH while trying to hold back the crowd. They broke the friggin doors down. What in the world has this society come to.
ReplyDeleteI won't go and you can't make me! I know those are dangerous words to say to a C.O., but I'm standing on it. Won't do the black friday thing. I don't like people in general all that much and can't stand crowds. Sorry... not gonna do it.
ReplyDeleteGreat poem, tho.
In a word: Prophetic.
ReplyDeleteNicely done.
funny stuff.
ReplyDelete