King Nothing and the last unicorn.

Someone in the comment section of a previous post asked me my thoughts on Kansas City's Worst , I mean first, Couple. I told the commentor I had taken a vow of silence regarding the Funk and Squittro. I had already expressed my disgust with these two chuckle heads, and there are political bloggers like TKC, Gone Mild, and Mark Forsythe, to name but a few, who have a much better grasp, and more informed, albeit differing opinions on the soap opera that is the Mayors Office. Then the Funk and the City council got in a pissing match, once again, regarding the Mammy-gate settlement. I almost wrote something, but I take my vows as seriously as a Catholic Priest. In other words I'm breaking it. The reason I'm ready to pipe in is the resulting press conference and the statement our inept Mayor made regarding Ruth Bates, the plaintiff in the Mammy-gate debacle.

First the settlement. Funk wanted the city to settle with Bates for 135 grand, along with an additional 45 thou for his scruffy looking lawyer. The council said they would, but only if the mayor dropped his lawsuit against them over his wife being allowed to run barefoot through city hall. Stalemate ensues. Then the Funk in the only smart move he has made through all of this, reaches a settlement, leaving the city holding a dripping handful of doo doo. In other words, the Funk got out cheap. and now the city,that would be all of US, will pay out the wazoo. The council will have to approve a settlement with Bates, and rightfully so. The council has already all but cosigned Ms. Bates accusations. The council dropped the ball, by trying to force the hand of the most pig headed man in the city. What the council should have done was approve the settlement, put this puppy to bed, and let the Mayor have his day in court. It would have been in the best interest of the city, it would have been the reasonable, responsible thing to do.

Funkhouser is consistent if nothing else. He has consistently screwed the pooch at every opportunity, seriously, this guy's leadership skills are as fucked up as a soup sandwich. He settles his end of the case, and leaves the city council holding the bag, well played. It had been a long time since the Funk had won one, sort of like the Chiefs, he hasn't exactly been posting much in the win column of late. Then, inexplicably, before the agreement has been inked, Kansas City's King Nothing, cant, leave, well enough, alone. He issues this statement. He slams the plaintiff he has just agreed to settle with. I'm no F Lee Bailey, but I've been around long enough to know that you at least wait until you have a done deal before you up and call the plaintiff a liar, a beggar, a back stabber, and a self promoting slime ball. Not his words, mine, but I don't believe in dressing up insults. Basically Funk slammed this woman, and showed us once again that it never has been about us, the city and it's residents. This city should always be first and foremost in the mayors mind, not his codependency with his wife, not his false pride, not his misplaced ego, but the CITY. Putting this case to rest, exercising some restraint and a little class should have been first and foremost. Dropping his petty pissing match lawsuit against the city ordinance keeping his wife from sticking her nose in city affairs would have been another move in the best interest of the city, but that ain't gonna happen either.

In a perfect world our Mayor and city council would work together. They would focus on the crime problem that plagues this city. They would work on the blight that has spread like a cancer across the east side for decades. They would get back to promoting this city as a destination for conventions and gatherings that would create revenue. They would fix the streets, the sewers, the schools and all of the other shit that is wrong. We would live in peace and harmony and the Unicorns of brookside would once again run free throughout the city spreading love, peace, and pooping jelly beans and cotton candy. That's a nice story, and I like it, but it ain't the truth. The truth is the Mayor and the city council have turned city hall in to their own personal school yard. They push and shove, and take turns crossing imaginary lines drawn in the sand. We are a laughing stock nationally, the city is dysfunctional on levels never before seen. The people who need help cant get it, the shit that needs fixed remains broken. and at this very moment, Brooksides last unicorn is chained in the basement of the Funks house, while Gloria cackles over a cauldron full of bat wings and newts blood.

These people, the Mayor, his uncouth Wife, and our ineffective City Council are all culpable. There is not one blameless person among them. They have all, every last one of them, failed us miserably. So here we are, King Nothing sits on his throne while his kingdom is in shambles, he does nothing, Squit whispers in his ear as she drops more crazy potion in his goblet, and the council stands outside the gates with wooden pitch forks and torches calling for the Kings head. Meanwhile, the rest of us, from the peasants to the gentry, pay the price. Just goes to show you that all fairy tales don't have a happy ending.