Fast Eddie Friday...The more things change....you know the rest.

I wasted about an hour this morning writing a long winded diatribe about the 550k settlement the city reached with Ruth Bates the city hall employee at the center of the mammygate debacle. I then dove into the story of the college professor who is claiming racial profiling, and the subsequent, and dare I say racially biased response of the president. I realized I can sum up both of these subjects in far fewer sentences than I originally intended.

The settlement with Ruth Bates. There is only one winner in this hot mess. Ruth Bates. The mayor cost the city 550k plus legal fees. He alone is to blame. Not Ruth Bates, not his crazy wife, not the incompetent city council. He never should have had his wife in the mayors office, period. Had she not been where she didn't belong, none of this would have happened. To ad insult to injury, the Mayor is still suing over the volunteer ordinance. His statement about "moving forward", just words from the captain of the ship of fools who run this city. As a side note to yesterdays post about the media vs bloggers. Tony's Kansas City broke the Bates settlement way ahead of local newsies.


The Henry Gates debacle. Two differing stories. The president screwed the pooch when he called the police stupid, and accused them of racial profiling. He began his gaff with an acknowledgement that he did not know all of the facts. Had he left it alone after that sentence he would have shown good judgement, common sense, befitting the leader of this country. But he showed his own racial bias. We won't ever know what really happened, it's a hot button issue in a racially divided nation. We made huge strides when this country elected its first black president, that same president just set us back when he opened his cake hole absent of the facts, based upon his own racial bias. I supported Obama, still do, but he would be well advised to act like a leader of a nation, rather than a Chicago organizer. To borrow from Al Pacino in Glengarry Glen Ross, as Ricky Roma: "You never open your mouth until you know what the shot is." It's more than a little ironic that his presidency which had made strides in healing old wounds, is responsible for reopening the same. I expected better, we all deserved better.
Yesterday the girlfriend and myself took a drive to an antique mall in Grain Valley called the Brass Armadillo. These pics were taken by cellphone, so they are a little fuzzy, but fitting I think. The picture at the top of the post is of a KKK action figure. Thaaaats right little Bubba can have his own action figure of a cloaked southern cracker!!!!!

A few more display cases down he can pick up some super sweet brass knuckles adoringly imprinted with the word HATE!!!! Not to leave anyone out, another display case held this splay legged tart. I like to think of her as Strip club Crack Whore Barbie. Why in the world an antique mall on I 70 would display a KKK figurine and brass knuckles is beyond me. I don't think the mall owners are Klansman, but I'll wager more than a few people have made that assumption and left the place in a huff. As for Crack Whore Barbie, that's just my own bias whenever I see splayed legs, tousled hair and a tutu. Hey she could just be a tired ballerina. I guess I should shut up until I know the shot.

Have a safe and unbiased weekend.

Stoopid Twosday.....Shine on you crazy diamond. Inside the mind of Gloria Squitiro.

Some of you may recall back in the day when Nancy Reagan allegedly used psychics, held seances, and other new agey spiritual shenanigans in the White House. More than a few people figured she was crazy. Well crazy has come to Kansas City, like one of the 4 horseman of the Apocalypse. Her name is Gloria, and behold, she rides a Pale gaunt guy instead of a horse. Any remaining shreds of dignity in the Mayors office have been totally destroyed, all hope of Mayor Funk turning his first and final term around have been dashed. All thanks to his number one supporter, his wife. A 2008 journal, kept on a city hall computer, reveals the thoughts, anger, and unbridled hate, of Kansas Citys first "Lady". Why the Mayors wife was stupid enough to document her true feelings on a city computer is beyond me. 35 pages of revelations, how her mind works, all laid out. It's the car crash you can't look away from. You can read it in all it's glory here. There are ghostly apparitions, lots of "poor Me's", and an insight into the unguarded and unstable mind of a woman who influences the "elected leader"of Kansas City. It isn't often that you get a chance to see inside someones soul, I cant recommend it enough. The PDF is 35 pages long, it's alot to digest, but it's a must read. My initial thoughts after reading her diary;

1. I feel sorry for the Funk and I have to admit a begrudging respect for his devotion to a woman who clearly is not mentally balanced. That said, I have an equal amount of disdain for an elected official, a Mayor no less, who would allow the city to suffer in order to placate his wife.

2. Some people take great pleasure in being miserable. Gloria loves the drama as long as she can be the center of it. She relishes the role of victim, even though her victimization comes from her own hand and mouth.

3. She needs to get some serious mental help, stat.

One of the most telling points, at least in my mind, Gloria gets pissed off because a mechanic can't remove her car wheel due to locking lug nuts to which there was no key. She complains about the "Asshole" wasting their time. She wants what she wants, when she wants it, and pity the fool who stands in her way. 35 pages of crazy, fear, loathing, envy, lust for power, it's all there, and really worth a read when you have an extra 30 minutes.

What fascinates me is the voyeuristic aspect of those 35 pages. These are private thoughts, stupidly stored on a city computer. She never intended for much of what was revealed to be public record, these are her inner thoughts, often ugly, petulant, and childish. I almost felt guilty reading it, like finding someones diary open and unattended. Then again, most people don't keep a diary on a city hall computer. If it was anyone else, I'd say that the fallout over these 35 pages of crazy would be the catalyst that would prompt Funk to step down, for the sake of his wife and family. But the Mayor is stubborn, incompetent but stubborn. I think he will ride it out to the bitter end, even if it sends his unbalanced wife over the edge.

King Nothing and the last unicorn.

Someone in the comment section of a previous post asked me my thoughts on Kansas City's Worst , I mean first, Couple. I told the commentor I had taken a vow of silence regarding the Funk and Squittro. I had already expressed my disgust with these two chuckle heads, and there are political bloggers like TKC, Gone Mild, and Mark Forsythe, to name but a few, who have a much better grasp, and more informed, albeit differing opinions on the soap opera that is the Mayors Office. Then the Funk and the City council got in a pissing match, once again, regarding the Mammy-gate settlement. I almost wrote something, but I take my vows as seriously as a Catholic Priest. In other words I'm breaking it. The reason I'm ready to pipe in is the resulting press conference and the statement our inept Mayor made regarding Ruth Bates, the plaintiff in the Mammy-gate debacle.

First the settlement. Funk wanted the city to settle with Bates for 135 grand, along with an additional 45 thou for his scruffy looking lawyer. The council said they would, but only if the mayor dropped his lawsuit against them over his wife being allowed to run barefoot through city hall. Stalemate ensues. Then the Funk in the only smart move he has made through all of this, reaches a settlement, leaving the city holding a dripping handful of doo doo. In other words, the Funk got out cheap. and now the city,that would be all of US, will pay out the wazoo. The council will have to approve a settlement with Bates, and rightfully so. The council has already all but cosigned Ms. Bates accusations. The council dropped the ball, by trying to force the hand of the most pig headed man in the city. What the council should have done was approve the settlement, put this puppy to bed, and let the Mayor have his day in court. It would have been in the best interest of the city, it would have been the reasonable, responsible thing to do.

Funkhouser is consistent if nothing else. He has consistently screwed the pooch at every opportunity, seriously, this guy's leadership skills are as fucked up as a soup sandwich. He settles his end of the case, and leaves the city council holding the bag, well played. It had been a long time since the Funk had won one, sort of like the Chiefs, he hasn't exactly been posting much in the win column of late. Then, inexplicably, before the agreement has been inked, Kansas City's King Nothing, cant, leave, well enough, alone. He issues this statement. He slams the plaintiff he has just agreed to settle with. I'm no F Lee Bailey, but I've been around long enough to know that you at least wait until you have a done deal before you up and call the plaintiff a liar, a beggar, a back stabber, and a self promoting slime ball. Not his words, mine, but I don't believe in dressing up insults. Basically Funk slammed this woman, and showed us once again that it never has been about us, the city and it's residents. This city should always be first and foremost in the mayors mind, not his codependency with his wife, not his false pride, not his misplaced ego, but the CITY. Putting this case to rest, exercising some restraint and a little class should have been first and foremost. Dropping his petty pissing match lawsuit against the city ordinance keeping his wife from sticking her nose in city affairs would have been another move in the best interest of the city, but that ain't gonna happen either.

In a perfect world our Mayor and city council would work together. They would focus on the crime problem that plagues this city. They would work on the blight that has spread like a cancer across the east side for decades. They would get back to promoting this city as a destination for conventions and gatherings that would create revenue. They would fix the streets, the sewers, the schools and all of the other shit that is wrong. We would live in peace and harmony and the Unicorns of brookside would once again run free throughout the city spreading love, peace, and pooping jelly beans and cotton candy. That's a nice story, and I like it, but it ain't the truth. The truth is the Mayor and the city council have turned city hall in to their own personal school yard. They push and shove, and take turns crossing imaginary lines drawn in the sand. We are a laughing stock nationally, the city is dysfunctional on levels never before seen. The people who need help cant get it, the shit that needs fixed remains broken. and at this very moment, Brooksides last unicorn is chained in the basement of the Funks house, while Gloria cackles over a cauldron full of bat wings and newts blood.

These people, the Mayor, his uncouth Wife, and our ineffective City Council are all culpable. There is not one blameless person among them. They have all, every last one of them, failed us miserably. So here we are, King Nothing sits on his throne while his kingdom is in shambles, he does nothing, Squit whispers in his ear as she drops more crazy potion in his goblet, and the council stands outside the gates with wooden pitch forks and torches calling for the Kings head. Meanwhile, the rest of us, from the peasants to the gentry, pay the price. Just goes to show you that all fairy tales don't have a happy ending.

G.L.O.R.I.A. A response to Kansas City's own Godzilla

I made a vow a few months back, I swore to never write another word about our Mayor. There are several bloggers, more versed on the ins and outs of City hall than I. About a third of my readers, dont call KC home, or the Midwest for that matter, so the whole local politics thing was lost on them anyway. However after Tonys Kansas City linked this Newsletter from the real Mayor, Gloria Squittro, how could I not respond? So call me a vow breaker, or wishy washy, or attack me with the Liar Liar pants on fire defense, but I cant let this pass. So without further adieu, my response to the Earth Mutha of city hall.

Dear Co Mayor Gloria,
I read your latest missive from Funks Front Porch, and I felt compelled to point out a few inaccuracies, misleading statements, and general run of the mill bullshit. My first point of contention is over this statement in your letter.
" the Mayor was disappointed when some of his fellow council members did not come to his defense after a former mayoral staffer filed an unfounded lawsuit against him."
I feel ya Glo, loyalty is hard to come by. First sign of trouble and they scatter like roaches. Then again, calling an African American woman Mammy, regardless of how you spell it is probably not the type of thing to rally the troops around you. You go on to say ...........
"Instead of coming to his defense, councilwoman Jan Marcason chose to exact punishment before the Mayor had a chance to defend himself in court. She did this by authoring a “volunteer” ordinance,"
That's one way of looking at it. Another way of looking at it, is that the ordinance was introduced to protect the city from future litigation. You go on to say..............
" It was clear to Funk that the real intent of the ordinance was to dictate to him how he runs his office as it only targeted his wife."
Bingo! Whooop there it is! That is exactly why the ordinance was introduced. You go on to say that this is the first time in the history of Mayordom that a first lady has been banned from City Hall. You are correct it is a first, another first is a city being sued by an employee for racial remarks made by the Mayors wife. Gee, you two really are trail blazers and innovators.

I had to get a tissue as I read the part of your letter about the mayors job taking Funk away from the family unit. How his 18 years of experience as city auditor prepared him to run the city. You go on to say that you both were naive when it came to how much time it took from your daily lives to actually be Mayor and Mayorette, a simple fact that must have eluded you during his 18 years of city auditing and bean counting. Cynics might call bullshit on ya, but not me. I believe the two of you really are that naive and ill prepared for the actual task at hand.

You go on to say ...."He also wants you to know that he is not going to let this situation stop him from making good on the olive branch that he extended to the council last Thursday"
Would that be the same branch you just used to beat them down with as you call them all traitors and back stabbers?

On a brighter note you assure us all that great changes have already taken place in Kansas City, thanks to the Mayors cracker jack skills. I'll take your word on that, I'm sure this city is better off since Funk took office. I'm not sure how we are better off. You mention revitalization of the urban core, ummm, you might check my Urban Blight series, seems you guys missed a few things in the urban core that could use attention. You also mention an education summit, which must explain a drop out rate of close to half the students in the school district, or not. You said something about youth programs , maybe you can enroll the 14 and 15 year olds who kill each other with such regularity in your revitalized urban core.

Naysayers and critics might accuse you and the mayor of being out of touch with the people of Kansas city. I say bullshit. Why it seems like only yesterday you were talking about visiting the Black part of town. Out of touch, I think not, although you might want to rephrase that bit about the black part of town.

In closing, I just want to wish you all the best in your future endeavors. Maybe now that you wont be spending all of your time at city hall you can brush up on some of the finer points of being a public figure, a role you threw yourself in to with much zeal, but little grace. Here's a short list for you, I know , lets call it Homework since you'll hopefully be spending more time there.
1. Stop adding a double ee to words as a term of endearment. some words dont sound good with a long e sounded added to them. Words like Mam, Dark, Black,...the list goes on my dear, but I think you get my point.
2. I realize you are a free spirit, but going shoeless in city hall could be considered crass and unprofessional.
3. Stop playing the victim. Seriously, the whole martyrdom thing is soooo 1500's.
4. Don't speak, it just seems to get you in trouble.
5. Make your xmas letter a little less xxx. Last years Christmas letter , you know the one about the Mayors prostate exam, too much info Glo. And not for nothin, but a little creepy.
There is much work to be done if you want to be recognized as Kansas City's first Lady, instead of the foul mouth broad who runs shoeless through the highest office in Kansas City. On second thought, it's really too late, first impressions usually stick with you.

There are people who would say Kansas City's first couple are comparable to Alice and Ralph Cramden, but not me, I think too highly of Jackie Gleason, and Jane Meadows was kind of hot. To be honest, I am afraid this letter has just been a fruitless effort, and my stellar advice will fall on deaf ears. In the end, I'm afraid that stubbornness, lack of concern for the city, petty bickering , inaction and inattentiveness will rule the day from the Mayors office, business as usual. While the Mayors of most cities focus on trivial things, like crime, infrastructure, education, etc, our mayor is preoccupied with fighting for a nonexistant right to have his wife six feet up his ass in city hall. King Nothing fiddles while Rome burns. In other words, you can put Earth Shoes on a pig, but it's still a pig.

My last post ever about the Mayor of Kansas City

Not that Ive posted that many times, a handful at best. The Funk just did a sit down interview on fox 4. The subject of Mammy Gate came up, big surprise. When asked if it would be best to remove the offending growth, (his wife), from the Mayors office, Funk gave a very telling answer. His response not only showed just how stubborn and wrong headed this guy is, it also revealed that he has zero loyalty, respect, concern and regard for the people who live in this city. This is a direct quote " I'm never going to cave in. Being Gloria's husband is a lot more important to me than being Mayor" He said some other stupid shit as well, but I'll focus on this statement.

Why this idiot can't see that being Mayor isn't about his wife, but about serving the city, I'll never understand. The job of serving the city, as any elected official worth his salt will tell you, should be the number one priority of the elected official, during the hours of business. I realize we aren't talking a 9 to 5 job here, that said, in affairs relating to the city, nothing should matter more than the protecting the best interest of the people of kansas city, nothing. Not your family, not your stubborn misplaced pride, not vendettas, nothing is more important than the city. When the day is done, go home and worship your crackpot wife all you want, but when you are on the job, the city should be first and foremost on your mind.

So, basically the Mayor has gone on record this morning. He doesn't care about the city or its people. He doesn't care how many millions this will cost the city. He doesn't care about the office he swore to uphold. He only cares about not giving in and doing what is best for the city, if it means sending his wife home. Never mind that she should never have been there in the first place, never mind that she does more harm than good, never mind that its the right thing to do, it's all about not giving in.

Unlike the Mayor, I was born and raised in this city. As cliched and corny as it sounds, this city is in my blood, I love Kansas City. And I am appalled at the lack of concern Mark Funkhouser has for the well being of Kansas City and its people. I'm not going to ever write about this clown who claims to be mayor of kansas city ever again. As far as I'm concerned he isn't Mayor. If City Hall were a phallic symbol, the Funk and his wife would be like a pair of genital warts hanging around mid shaft, with no real purpose other than infecting as much of the city as possible. If it was the Funks goal to piss on everyone's head and tell us it was raining, then job well done. If it was his intention to serve the city, he has failed miserably. I'm done.

Bad news you are fired, Good news I get a raise.

We are going to have to let a couple hundred of you folks go. You can look forward to a steady decline in your city streets and more pock marks in your roads than on the faces of 15 year olds at a candy convention. And the zoo , the one that most lifelong residents of the city went to as children, and then their children, well we are cutting their funding as well. And the extra police we promised, well we cant afford those either, so you folks just stay clear of windows in your home, and don't go out at night. The good news is we all got a raise!!!


Sounds like the commercial where the guy saved a shitload on his car insurance, doesn't it? Well it isn't. It is a pretty accurate account of the pay raise that the Mayor and city council were FORCED to take. Councilman Ed Ford told Fox 4 , with a straight face that they were forced to take the raise, the city charter didn't allow for them to turn it down. Not so fast Eddie Ford, I don't claim to be a big political policy expert here, but didn't the mayor and council just vote to approve those pay raises that the previous council voted in? Lets not blow smoke up the collective ass of us tax paying residents of this city, mmmkay. And , your token gesture of decreasing your expense accounts by 10 grand, just goes to show that you clowns on the council, along with ring master and clown in chief, Mayor Funk, have been sucking at the tit of the city and gorging your gullets on exorbitant expense accounts.


And now on to Mayor Mark Nero ( hand me that fiddle) Funkhouser. I started out thinking he was going to be a progressive Mayor. He talked more shit than a Philadelphia lawyer, and I bought in to it along with a slim margin of voters who put this clown in office. Thankfully, I cant be blamed for voting for him, since I cant vote, I do however pay taxes and have lived in this city 40 plus years, so Im entitled to call bullshit when i smell it.


The funk says most of us don't care that he is getting a much deserved raise. I'd say that is just another example of a guy who is so out of touch with the people he so poorly serves. According to a poll on Fox 4 almost 95 percent say they do care and that you and the city council don't deserve a raise. I didn't need to see a poll to know that people don't think a raise in pay is justified, I also didn't need some douche bag incompetent council member to tell me they had no choice to but to vote yes for the pay raise. Why do they call it a vote, if you cant vote no?


I've been content to sit back and let TKC and RDM pimp slap the Mayor around for the most part, but this is just to egregious to let pass. I'm not buying Ed Ford and the rest of the lackeys on the city council's contention that they were forced to take the raises. Im definitely not buying what the Funk is selling when he says he deserves a raise. Furthermore, not a single person working for the city should get a raise, not when close to 200 of their coworkers are getting the boot. the whole thing is Funky, it stinks to high heaven.