The first thing that you notice is how barren of life the place looks. Missouri woods in winter tend to be pretty bleak , knowing what took place here makes it seem even more so. The Little Blue River is mostly frozen over, there are a couple of spots where the current is stronger and the ice hasn't completely formed. Standing in the woods as cars cross the bridge overhead, you can't help but wonder about all of the minutiae, what she was thinking, what the little one thought, what made her, no what allowed her to do it. All of the things you don't really want to think about or know, yet can't help but wonder about. Yellow Police tape lays twisted on the ground, more tangled in the bushes. At the base of a big oak, a memorial of teddy bears , a toy penguin, some candles. That's the only evidence of what happened here that still exists.
Lecletia J. Hardy, 26, and her child, Lailah, not yet two years old, spent their last moments on this earth right here along the banks of the Little Blue. Lecletia had a choice, she could have backed out, changed her mind, saved her child, but she didn't. She offered up her baby to the icy water, and then herself. While more information about the woman has been scarce, eventually, inevitably, some news source will reveal more. They will interview family and friends, maybe they already have and I missed it. Someone will say she was a wonderful person, a doting mother who cherished her child above all else, it's just a matter of time. Maybe Lecletia was all of those things, but the moment she took her child's life it became a moot point. That single horrific irreversible act forever seals who she was.
This would usually be the point where I go on a rant and point out the obvious that most don't want to get in to, but I'm going to leave that alone for once. It can't be undone, and the family and friends are left to deal with the aftermath. Normally I don't have a problem saying what I think, even if it hurts feelings or offends. It's easy to rail about some spoiled Florida mother who kills her child, or whatever whack job I decide to pick on. Even if its someone locally, I usually don't have any qualms about knockin em around a little. The difference this time is that I went to the spot where it happened. When you stand under that bridge, the hard bleached out grass crunching under your feet, the trees barren, the Little Blue river the only color other than the bridge, and the stuffed toys, it suddenly seems real.
I had Max with me, the few minutes we spent there had made him cold, he refused to take a single step back up the hill. I cussed him, then picked him up, and started up the hill with just his head sticking out of my coat. When I reached the top of the hill a car pulled over and a black woman in her 20's walked over to the railing and looked over. She looked at me, a middle aged, bald headed white man, with a Yorkie sticking out of his coat, I'm sure she thought I was crazy. I mumbled something about it being a horrible thing, or something equally stupid and awkward, got in my car and drove away.
If you were waiting for some resolution to this story, or a moral, you're probably going to be disappointed. I drove over there with the intention of taking a few pictures. I expected some crime tape, cigarette butts, maybe EMT debris. What I didn't expect was the stuffed animals around the tree, or the young woman who made me instantly self conscious and feeling guilty even for being there. I won't pretend to understand the why and how of it all. The only thing I can say with any certainty is that the answers, if any where to be had, are forever lost in the icy water. The people who loved little Lailah and her mother despite it all, those people will be the caretakers of those unanswered questions, they will spend the rest of their lives wondering why.
I had assumed from the article that the poor woman lost control of her car and had an accident, but your picture makes it look like she took a more circuitous route.
ReplyDeleteToo sad.
very sad indeed, great post MM
ReplyDeleteI saw her mother on the news. She, indeed, expressed what a loving, kind and shining woman her daughter was.
ReplyDeleteI have a feeling there was a lingering amount of PPD involved here, even after 18 months. My Twin went through a serious amount of depression, due to her marriage situation among other things, for a long time after she'd had her second child, and when her first was already 3. There was a time when she thought it would be better for all of them if she and the girls were gone and out of everyone's hair. She insists now that the signs were there, and that she's shocked we didn't have her committed, but I've tried to explain to her that from the outside, it looked like normal struggles that we all understood, but expected her to be able to handle. Had we known how far she was ready to take it, we would have done what she said needed to be done. But the only person who should have been able to see it was a man who doesn't know how to love, and probly couldn't have cared less whether she was there or not, as long as the rent was taken care of.
Long story short: I think I have an inkling what caused poor Lecletia to do what she did. I'm just lucky I didn't have to go through what her family is currently going through right now...so, sooo lucky.
So sad. We live in an age of anxiety, depression and all kinds of stressors. Not that this justifies it, but it may be contributory. I see a guy out in CA just killed his entire family before taking his own life, and we have the incident up in N Missouri where the father killed his kids and then set his house on fire.
ReplyDeleteIn 29 years in EMS, I have seen many suicides, and I felt sort of matter of fact about them, you know, your personal autonomy, etc. But I never could accept taking someones life who had no say in the matter, like a child.
That little girl never had a chance to live. She had no choice in the matter, and probably didn't even understand what her Momma was doing.
That is the saddest part.
you are right that it can't be undone and right about leaving it alone
ReplyDeleteYet another reason to conclude that parenting is not a natural instinct amoung humans. (Also reference 1,000's of foster children in state care.)
ReplyDeleteIt's more than a "shame" - Lecletia did an abominable thing, regardless of her circumstances.
Obviously she was mentally ill, or driven to that extreme by some circumstance - but is that really an excuse?
Do you get a mulligan because you've had a tough life?
I don't know.
Sometimes it's the little things that bring the enormity of an event into sharp focus. Teddy bears and police tape. Jesus.
ReplyDeleteThe event that Anonymous mentioned? Where a father killed his entire family and himself (7 total) this morning? Did it because his wife and he were laid off.
The detail that grabbed me? He used a revolver. Which means at some point he had to reload.
How do you have the wherewithal to think about that? It's not just the planning, but the carrying out of it. Thought turns to action. At some point, halfway through, did he think, "Fuck, what am I doing?" but was so far gone and committed that he kept going with it?
Dark days. Tragedy everywhere, folks. Let's all keep it together.
Goddam, MM can't you drive anywhere by yourself? Guess it's dangerous there. Maybe you should take your lovah TKC there so you could cuddle.
ReplyDelete