We all remember the woman who claimed her 4-year-old's baby doll seemed to have a hidden message: Islam is the light. Her name is Rachel Jones and apparently a Jihad has been declared against her family, by Islamic extremist,....... toys. My money is on those freaks from the Island of Misfit Toys , you know, the ones from Rudolph. But back to Rachel Jones. Several months back she buys her kid a talking doll. She then claims the doll said "Islam is the light". She raises a big stink, news people lapped it up like cats to cream. They played a little snip in the middle of a string of simulated baby gibberish, and through David Copperfield like magic they gleaned the 4 word message. So now she is back at it, and this time it's a virtual baby in a Nintendo game. When you bathe the baby, she claims it says, you guessed it, "Islam is the light".
I think she is on to something, but the message sounds like "Is my mommy high?", at least that's what I hear. There is a clip from the news people who are reporting this load of paranoid hillbilly bullshit as fact. Here is the video and story. Shit gets deeper. Mom is now worried about her sons talking toys. I expect mom Rachel will be on the news next week accusing Hasbro of promoting homosexuality through the don't ask don't tell, GI Joe with the kung fu grip. Pull his dog tags and you get Judy Garland singing over the rainbow, not to mention the thinly veiled, clearly fetish inspired Frogman outfit.
What makes the story so priceless is that this woman clearly believes her children's toys are some insidious attempt by Islamic radicals to brainwash her toddler. You know as well as I do that this kooky broad sits for hours at a time, playing the same string of gibberish coming from the toy until she finds just the right spot where the message is concealed. Crave Entertainment is the maker of the the baby game, they also have another popular game, and one that I haven't heard any mention of, it's called The Bible Game. Knowing that kind of makes the whole Jihad for babies thing seem a little thin, which is why WTHI in Terre Haute didn't report it, or judging from their chicken little journalism, even bother to look in to Crave Entertainment. All the reporter said was that Crave didn't return her call. Clearly the news stations reporters and news director got their journalism degrees at the Acme school of Readin, Cyfurin, and Writin. Either that or they are pandering to an audience they perceive as gullible and scared shitless of their own shadows.
The reporter Jessica Hayes is catching a little heat from the literate, non retarded faction of their viewing audience, which probably is outnumbered 10 to 1 by the people who believe that two unrelated toy makers, one based out of Japan, the other in California, are in cahoots with Islamic extremists. The hack reporter doesn't seem to think it's a stretch that this one woman in Bug Tussle Indiana just happened to purchase two completely unconnected toys, that just happen to contain the exact same hidden Islamic messages. These two unrelated toy makers put the same message in two different toys. Sounds about right, since we all know that Japan is a hot spot for Islamic extremists. I'm sure that in the weeks to come, the baby will go from taking virtual baths to flying a virtual plane in to a virtual building, thereby converting 4 year olds near and far in to baby Bin Ladens.
And now we sit back and wait for the thousands of nut job parents who will all clamber aboard the crazy train because their kid has these toys, and they really do say Islam is the light. I've got a suggestion for the Mother of Fear Rachel Jones, stop buying your kids toys that talk. I'd suggest buying them some books, and Lincoln logs. That way they can learn to read and possibly think for themselves some day, and if that doesn't work out, the Lincoln logs will give them some experience in building a primitive home in the woods where they will be safely insulated from this world fraught with perilous video games and baby dolls. By the way I hear the doll doubles as a dirty bomb when you remove the diaper.
In the meantime Rachel Jones will keep getting high on the paranoia and power of suggestion speedball. It's a hell of a drug.
Between you and Meesha, I'm going to be laughing out loud all day.
ReplyDeleteG.I. Joe indeed.
Hmmm.. I had a GI Joe with the Frogman outfit....
ReplyDelete"Acme school of Readin, Cyfurin, and Writin" - I am gonna have a diploma made for that to hang on my wall at work.
ReplyDeleteNice post, and dead on. She probably does not her kids inoculated either. People like this are the reason polio is back in this country.
Sad, too bad we can't thin the herd our selves on occasion.
Actually the lack of innoculations will eventually thin the herd. Kids brought up with no protection from childhood illnesses will not only run the risk of dying young, but may have shortened life spans even if they survive a run in with a childhood bug. Severe fevers and stresses on young immune systems can cause life span shortening and quality of life reducing problems in the long term. I have a friend whose dentist told him that his adult teeth were ruined in the developmental stages because of a severe illness he had as a child. I remember being able to see on his teeth the line where the malady had thinned his tooth enamel, like a growth ring on a tree. He's now lost many of these weakened teeth and has to wear dentures as a young adult.
ReplyDeleteSome scientists are even theorizing that much of the good health that has enabled us to live longer and longer life spans is due in large part to not having our bodies damaged early in life from enduring horrible childhood illnesses, which we can now get vaccinated against.
You were just the breath of fresh air I needed today.
ReplyDeleteGreat subject, excellent writing, high smile content.
Keep bringing it, MM. I love reading you.