Tuesday, March 31, 2009

ShamWow Guy vs Chinless Hooker......




You know the guy from the Sham Wow commercial, Vince Shlomi. The infomercial pitchman with the blutooth in his ear, hawks the miracle shammy thing, and the chopper dealyjob? Well Vinnie got busted for busting up a hooker who he claims bit his tongue when he kissed her. Looking at Vince's mugshot it appears she touched him up as well. Before I get to the obvious and too easy wise cracks about spilled liquids, absorbency, and chopped nuts, let me address the real issues.
He french kissed a hooker. Vince hasn't heard about the Proxy rule. The proxy rule says if you kiss a hooker, you have in effect blown whoever she blew in the past 24 hours. Proxy rules aside, why in the world would someone french kiss a woman whose trade involves putting strange meat whistles in her mouth? Not to be insensitive, but she is a hooker for christsake, she earns her keep doing what fat drunken middle managers, wives wont do. There aren't enough Sham wows in all the world to soak up the toxic waste in this woman's orifices.



Okay I'll just come out and say it, "that is the ugliest hooker I've ever seen" . Forget the black eyes, lacerations, and bumps on her forehead. He paid this sideshow freak one thousand sham wow dollars. Not for nothing but for a grand, I'm thinking you could at least get a woman with a chin, and a hairdo that didn't look like it was combed with a pork chop and cut with a butter knife. Honestly, she makes the girls on Independence avenue look like ......., okay never mind, bad comparison. Let's face it, Ive said it before, the girls who pass for streetwalkers in KC would make a freight train take a dirt road. My point is, for that kind of cheddar he could have done better. Vince was also a scientologist at one time, so that frenetic, coke infused, sales pitch on his infomercials makes perfect sense. The guy is clearly disturbed, and apparently has a mean streak a mile wide.
The downside to this story is that Vince might be going to the joint if the authorities pursue the case. Lets face it, he thumped her pretty bad. Vince looks like he might end up "Fuckin in a Winnie the Pooh suit". ( Thats prison slang, it means he looks like prey in the joint), the upside is, that thousand dollar hooker just hit major pay dirt. Hopefully once she gets through suing Vinny, she can get a chin implant so we can tell where her neck ends and her face begins. And honey, baby, sweetie, do something about that hair. As for Vince he has made a mess for himself that all the Sham Wow's in the world can't mop up.

17 comments:

  1. Maybe he can make a living hocking babies and balloons out on the yard. I hope this means they are going to get a new pitchman. He annoys the snot out of me. And I'd pay that chick a hundred bucks just to get out of my field of vision. And throw in a free gallon of clorox as well.

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  2. she looked a little better in the older photos:

    http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0327092sham2.html

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  3. If only he had left his bluetooth-headset thingy on a little longer, he could've called the cops right after she bit him and it wouldn't have lead to such a hooker-tastic ass beating...

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  4. anon
    you are correct, she does look better in those early mug shots. I wonder how old they are?

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  5. I don't know any guy who wouldn't punch his way out of a situation where a hooker had her teeth embedded in his tongue.

    The last I read was that the prosecutor wasn't going forth with charges. Has that changed?

    And they both have faces made for radio. Hope she didn't have herpes.

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  6. I believe that Vince is the actual owner of the Sham Wow line, which is amazing in itself. He is even more annoying than Billy Mays and I thought that was impossible.

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  7. I wonder if a Sham Wow cleans up blood

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  8. TMZ posted some more after pictures. Shudder.

    http://photos.tmz.com/galleries/shamwow_guys_alleged_victim

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  9. she would have loved his nuts..

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  10. MM,

    What's the significance of the pic of the older guy, in the slippers and...diaper?

    Is he sitting on a sham-wow?

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  11. Well, according to all the hooker movies I've ever seen (and it's in the millions) hookers don't like to kiss, so this is why she bit his tongue. Dude should have watched "Pretty Woman" and taken notes prior to getting his freak on.

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  12. jim
    The guy in diapers might be swaddled in a shamwow, but thats not the reason. Its the winnie the pooh shoes. I googled winnie the pooh adult, and thats what i got. It just struck me as funny.

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  13. This just made my day.

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  14. i need to figure out how to use "make a freight train take a dirt road" in my daily conversations.

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  15. Buddy
    I stoled that line from someone, feel free to do likewise.

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