Fast Eddie Flu-day......Sneeze in my direction and I'll break your nose.

It's muggy out tonight, the humidity giving me a taste of the sweltering summer nights in the not too distant future. But the arrival of summer is as uncertain as Rush Limbaugh at a gay pride rally. The enemy is at the gate, something wicked this way comes, and shit is getting dicey. The local and world news first began to sound the alarm a week or two back. First one infection , then another, and more followed. They crept in under the cover of darkness, on buses, planes, trains, even in a Yugo. I made a midnight run to Walgreens to lay in supplies. I've chained the gate shut, lined the windows with plastic and duct tape. I greased every door knob in the house with antibacterial gel, I've filled balloons with rubbing alcohol to use as grenades should anyone approach the compound, especially the Mexicans that live 2 doors down. I've gone Def-con 5 mother fuckers, so keep your distance. The problem is figuring out exactly who they are, you know, the carriers, the swine flu zombies. Last night the girlfriend came at me with a bacon sandwich, I quarantined her to the basement, confined her to the laundry room, nailed the door shut so she couldn't get to me.


So do you think I'm overreacting here? I mean if this shit wasn't serious, then how come the local and world news keeps mentioning the SWINE FLU every two seconds? the local Fox affiliate reported yesterday morning that a Mexican woman was taken from a bus in Kansas City, she was sick they said, her symptoms were flu like! Holy shit, bitch has the virus! Then at noon a 10 second spot ran, Ooooops our bad, she was just sick, no swine flu to be found. Fox 4 has even been running a spot about parents unnecessarily bringing their children to emergency rooms. They basically chastised these people for panicking, told them to cut that shit out, quit taking up emergency room staffs time. Are you fuckin kiddin me? First you whip viewers into a paranoid frenzy, then you tell them to quit being paranoid. You spend huge chunks of airtime talking about how this shit spreads, how it can kill you, especially your babies and old people, then you slip in a 5 second sound byte telling us that for the most part this shit isn't any worse than the dozens of other influenza viruses that fly through the air every year.

Shit gets deeper. Now the nut jobs like Michelle Malkin are whipping their dull witted readers into a frenzy, turning this shit into an immigration debate. And it's not just that racist, homophobic twunt. Show me a a radio talk show host and I'll show you another in a long line of chicken littles, frothing at the mouth about how the damn dirty Messicans are not only taking our fast food and lawn maintenance jobs, but infecting us with deadly diseases at an alarming rate. Of course the hate groups are lapping this shit up like cats to cream. Lets face it, these brown skinned border crossers are crafty fuckers. They've managed to spread this shit from Fargo to Indochina. Protests are planned or have already taken place. We can thank the media, and the Obama administration for starters. Yeah, I said it, this paranoid reactionary horse shit is partly Obama's fault. Biden got on one of the morning shows just yesterday, opened his cake hole, and said he advised all of his family to not travel, don't get in any confined places, like airplanes and subways. Since Biden is Obamas right hand man, the buck stops with Bama. He needs to muzzle that fucker, only let him speak to elementary school students and sufferers of dementia.

The truth is pretty simple. Swine flu wont kill you any quicker than any other influenza virus. But that simple truth isn't very sensational, it won't keep you glued to the tube. The news people want to put asses in seats, they want to grab your attention, and if that requires blowing shit out of proportion, so be it. If it causes people to protest, bonus! The truth is, nobody can say for sure where the swine flu started, it could have been Mexico, it could have been here on American soil. The truth is you stand a better chance of being shot or run over than dying from this shit. But lets not let truth and facts get in the way, when there is a perfect opportunity to spread fear and hate. Now I've got to run, the mail man just put some potentially deadly swine flu bombs in the form of junk mail in my mail box. if I hurry I think I can still hit him with one of my alcohol filled grenades.