Dominik A. Bailey Jr., 43, has been charged with felony removal of human remains after allegedly digging up the cremated remains of his father from a Vershire Vermont graveyard. Pretty gruesome at first glance, hell 4th or 5th glance for that matter. Then I read down through the story, and I think it may well be the saddest thing I've heard in awhile. Two things make it especially sad, here's the first; Bailey had been telling family members for some time that he missed his father, he wanted to bring him home.......let that sink in for a second. He told them he was thinking about digging up his fathers ashes. You can argue that Bailey is mentally ill, and I'd have to agree with you, but I think there is more to it than just being crazy. This guys love for another person was so strong, he couldn't bear to be separated from that person, or what was left of him. There are people I love, family, my girlfriend, but I don't suspect my grief would be so profound as Mr. Bailey's. In a roundabout way I envy him that, at the very least I'm in awe of it even though I can't fully comprehend it. It's a beautiful thing in all its disturbing, saddened glory.
The second thing that makes this such a heart wrenching tale is that Bailey has been charged, with a felony no less. His people stood by and allowed this man to get swallowed up by his grief , ignored his wishes, watched him descend into madness, and did nothing to assuage his pain. According to court papers, Bailey phoned his aunt in Connecticut admitting he took the remains home. The aunt said Bailey had talked about taking his father's remains home for months, but said she did not believe he would actually do it. The aunt also told police Bailey has made several threats to shoot relatives.
The aunt said Bailey left a message on her answering machine Friday saying that he was "going to get his father" and that the family "didn't need to leave flowers there anymore". The aunt also told police Bailey phoned her again later in the day and spoke with her, saying "he's here with me now" and that his father's remains were in his living room, along with the father's headstone.
The aunt said Bailey left a message on her answering machine Friday saying that he was "going to get his father" and that the family "didn't need to leave flowers there anymore". The aunt also told police Bailey phoned her again later in the day and spoke with her, saying "he's here with me now" and that his father's remains were in his living room, along with the father's headstone.
His people can't claim ignorance, they can't say they never saw it coming. In reading between the lines and operating on assumptions that come more from the gut and sentiment, than anything stated in the article, I believe Mr. Bailey wanted to keep his fathers ashes, and his wishes were either denied or ignored. Maybe his obsession was a delayed reaction, if Bailey descended into madness after the urn and ashes were buried, it's not like he didn't give ample warning about his intentions to bring Dad home. Either way his people turned their backs and a deaf ear. Maybe there is a yet unwritten, if not happy at least better ending to this story. Hopefully the judge and prosecutor in this case will see past the law, look beyond the promise of yet another felony conviction, and see the human side of this story. One can hope the judge will get Mr. Bailey some much needed help rather than just locking him up, adding insult to injury. Perhaps his family will look past their own grievances and allow Mr. Bailey to keep the urn, or part of the ashes. It seems, at least in my own mind, Dominik A. Bailey Jr. has suffered enough, with no end or relief in site.
Good Post MM.
ReplyDeletethere is an obsession with dead bodies,burials,ashes all that crap.although this guy is sick but what about "normal" people who keep ashes in their living rooms.
ReplyDeleteI think the person that made this post and all the people that have commented on this should do a google search on this man, include his town and state he lives in. See how bad you should not feel for this man. He has run a muck in the community he lives in and has effected many lives in a negative way. He has a 'rap' sheet miles long, lewd and lascivious conduct, possessing stolen property, receiving stolen property, possession of a weapon, and being a felon in possession of a firearm and domestic assault. He has been convicted of at least five felonies and 11 misdemeanors, and is currently facing four charges, from separate incidents, of driving with a suspended license, according to court documents.
DeleteI am in no way saying it makes it any better but his father had been cremated. This man did not dig up a body.
What about the "normal" people who embalm, dress up and "make pretty" and then bury their loved ones 6ft under with a tombstone so you can find the grave at a later date to go visit? And did you know that it costs the same amount of money to bury a coffin, as it does to bury cremated remains? When my father died, we were told that we would have to buy a special vault to bury his cremated remains in (an 8inch cubed box need a special vault). Yes, that's why his ashes are sitting in the living room, we're trying to figure out where we should scatter his ashes. No special laws or regulations to scatter ashes.
ReplyDeleteI feel incredibly sorry for the individual and hope that the charges are dropped.
I think the person that made this post and all the people that have commented on this should do a google search on this man, include his town and state he lives in. See how bad you should not feel for this man. He has run a muck in the community he lives in and has effected many lives in a negative way. He has a 'rap' sheet miles long, lewd and lascivious conduct, possessing stolen property, receiving stolen property, possession of a weapon, and being a felon in possession of a firearm and domestic assault. He has been convicted of at least five felonies and 11 misdemeanors, and is currently facing four charges, from separate incidents, of driving with a suspended license, according to court documents.
DeleteI am in no way saying it makes it any better but his father had been cremated. This man did not dig up a body.
Liz you won't get any argument from me,I think embalming and all that is a horrible money-sucking morbid practice.I even wrote about it here http://www.kcmeesha.com/2008/09/09/bury-me-like-a-jew/ but you don't have to read it.
ReplyDeleteI think the person that made this post and all the people that have commented on this should do a google search on this man, include his town and state he lives in. See how bad you should not feel for this man. He has run a muck in the community he lives in and has effected many lives in a negative way. He has a 'rap' sheet miles long, lewd and lascivious conduct, possessing stolen property, receiving stolen property, possession of a weapon, and being a felon in possession of a firearm and domestic assault. He has been convicted of at least five felonies and 11 misdemeanors, and is currently facing four charges, from separate incidents, of driving with a suspended license, according to court documents.
DeleteI am in no way saying it makes it any better but his father had been cremated. This man did not dig up a body.
I feel sorry for the guy too. Grief is a very personal emotion and I think it can easily lead to temporary mental instability. Until you've been through the loss of a close loved one, you can't walk in another person's shoes.
ReplyDeleteThis is a case of the law run amok. We're going to spend $$$ prosecuting this guy when much less could and should be spent trying to help him through his grief.
I think the person that made this post and all the people that have commented on this should do a google search on this man, include his town and state he lives in. See how bad you should not feel for this man. He has run a muck in the community he lives in and has effected many lives in a negative way. He has a 'rap' sheet miles long, lewd and lascivious conduct, possessing stolen property, receiving stolen property, possession of a weapon, and being a felon in possession of a firearm and domestic assault. He has been convicted of at least five felonies and 11 misdemeanors, and is currently facing four charges, from separate incidents, of driving with a suspended license, according to court documents.
DeleteI am in no way saying it makes it any better but his father had been cremated. This man did not dig up a body.
Poor guy.
ReplyDeleteI think the person that made this post and all the people that have commented on this should do a google search on this man, include his town and state he lives in. See how bad you should not feel for this man. He has run a muck in the community he lives in and has effected many lives in a negative way. He has a 'rap' sheet miles long, lewd and lascivious conduct, possessing stolen property, receiving stolen property, possession of a weapon, and being a felon in possession of a firearm and domestic assault. He has been convicted of at least five felonies and 11 misdemeanors, and is currently facing four charges, from separate incidents, of driving with a suspended license, according to court documents.
DeleteI am in no way saying it makes it any better but his father had been cremated. This man did not dig up a body.
Thanks for the link m.v. - I figured we had like minds.
ReplyDeleteis that photo from Mt. Washington?
ReplyDeleteanony
ReplyDeleteI believe it is from that large cemetary that sits between Indep ave and 23rd just east of 435, not sure of the name. I took it last winter.