Strange Bunkfellows.....Because there are no beds in prison...

If we are to believe Phil Spector, Charlie Manson sent him a kite in hopes of meeting the woman killing, and now wigless music mogul. The news, I first saw it on Crime Scene Kansas City, is calling it a note, but there are no notes in prison. When you send a written message in the joint, it's called a kite. According to Rachelle Spector the kite was delivered via a guard at California's Corcoran State Prison. I'm guessing Phil is doing his time in a yellow jumpsuit, or whatever special color is reserved for protective custody inmates in California's prison system. Phil is starting out on the wrong foot already. Spector has not only shit in his nest with the guards, he has shown a propensity as a stool pigeon, which wont bode well should he ever be placed in general population. Someone should send him a print of my Prison for dummies series. The only thing standing between Spector and hundreds of suitors, who would love to have Phil Spector hand washing their socks and draws (underwear), in a stainless steel toilet, is the guards.

Phil probably isn't aware of his major faux pas. He is just another rich guy who finally got himself in a pinch that his money couldn't extricate him from. I'm not sure if Spector hired a prison consultant prior to being sent to the joint, but he should have. It's not enough to check into protective custody in order to stay safe in the joint. The weak, infirm, celebrities, and high profile new arrivals in the nations prisons have targets on their backs. With more Wall Street swindlers and big biz folks being sent to the can, prison consultants are becoming a way for the green recently convicted inmate to make a smoother transition from the world to their new home, Prison. But how much of the prison consulting business is hype? Quite a bit as it turns out.

More than a few Prison Consultation websites make some promises they can't keep. They claim to be able to help you get placed in a particular prison, particularly in the Federal System. Bullshit, pure, plain, and simple. You can request a particular location, the judge can recommend, but at the end of the day, the Bureau of Prisons will send you where they see fit. These consultants also sell dreams of sentence departure, special programs like drug treatment and work release. The truth is if you qualify for any of these things the judge might recommend them, or the person who does your pre sentence investigation will recommend any special programs. That's not to say that there isn't a niche for prison consultation. Depending on the crime, sentence, and the new convict, solid advice and schooling can help you avoid some major pitfalls, and in some cases keep you from playing the role of victim in the reenactment of the rape scene in American History X. Edward Norton is a cool guy and all, but nobody wants to play him in the joint. If you never saw American History X, go rent it, it's probably one of the top 5 prison movies ever made, and it's a factual account of what can happen if you fall out of favor in the joint.

The Prison Consultation field is really taking off, and I'm in the process of trying to elbow my way in as we speak, more on that in the not too distant future. Here are a few of the bigger fish in the prison consultation field.

http://www.americanprisonconsultants.com/

http://www.federalprisonconsultants.com/fees.html

http://www.bestprisonconsultant.com/?gclid=CP3muYvIh5wCFSDxDAodY1iS_g

http://executiveprisonconsultants.com/home.html

Most of these sites seem to focus on pre sentence stuff, or they sell their product playing on the fear of the person about to head off to the joint. The truth is your lawyer and the pre sentence people are going to do more to help or hurt you than these people as far as your sentence goes. As for what to expect, how to act, and most importantly, What Not to Do, thats the type of advice that can really be a matter of life and death, or help to prevent you from becoming one of the Wildebeests at the watering hole. Anyone who watches the National Geographic channel knows what happens to the Wildebeest at the watering hole, it rarely ends good for the Wildebeest.

In a perfect world over privileged douche bags like Spector would end up being passed around like the collection plate at a Southern Baptist Tent Revival. But this ain't a perfect world. The truth is Spector will probably serve his time in Protective Custody, short of running into some crazy guy who slipped through the cracks, boredom will be Spectors biggest nemesis. Still it's kind of fun to envision Spector looking like the crypt keeper spooning with Charlie Manson.