I'm going to kick off a weekly pictorial post about my new home town, Independence Missouri. Like many folks from Kansas City proper, I have always taken the easy road and poked fun of people from Indy. Now that I'm living here in the land of Meth and Honey, I've time and again been proven wrong about your typical Independite. Now I'm not sure if Independite is actually the term you use for someone from Independence, but it's the term I use and at the end of the day that's what really matters, at least here on this blog. The meth jokes, the whiskey Tango wisecracks, all totally unfounded. People from Independence are innovative trail blazers. Think not? I suppose if your driveway in Overland Park is too small for all of your vehicles, you would park on the street, or widen the drive. Typical foolishness and about what I'd expect from one of you Lands End wearing rich types. Well here in Indy if you have too many sweet ass rides, and your rockin Smokey and the Bandit style Trans Am wont fit in that single car drive, just park that bitch in the yard.
Another Independence stereotypical myth is the ubiquitous Meth house or Meth trailer. Pure bullshit as evidenced by the rolling meth lab in a caddy , on rims, that was popped by the Indy police last night. The proof is in the car, it was a Caddy, not a Camaro. The meth problem is coming to Independence from the city, either the hood, or maybe from some JoCo suburb. No self respecting Independence meth cook would be caught dead in a caddy.
Independites are doers, they get shit done. If there is a task at hand, you can bet your ass nothing will keep it from getting done. You soft ass city dwelling types would probably let a little thing like being too sick to walk or drive, stop you from getting your drink on. Well you are a bunch of Baby Peacock Under Glass eatin softies.
While most people from K.C. or worse yet JoCo would let a little thing like their health and proper transportation get in the way of a trip to the local yuppie scum watering hole, in Indy being crippled ain't nothin but a thang. The bad ass old fella that pimps this Rascal scooter is at the bar on 23rd street by 9:30 every morning I've driven past the joint.
So I'm giving notice, there will be no tolerance for wise ass remarks about the good people of Independence Mo. Not on this blog and by Gawd not on my watch.
And now for the disclaimer: Any references to JoCo rich folks, Cake and Steak or Baby Peacock eating suburbanites do not apply to any of my regular readers who hail from west of the state line. I'd also like to go ahead and tell the 4 people in Independence who have the magic Internet on their web TV, I'm just kidding. Please don't farm my yard, molest my dogs, or write obscene shit in my lawn with gasoline or left over toxic meth lab waste. This post was a parody.
I drove through rural MO yesterday,one front lawn had probably 10 rusty tractors parked on it.
ReplyDeletethats rural yard art. Like the shuttlecocks at the Nelson.
ReplyDeletethey keep painting the shuttlecocks screwing up the whole effect
ReplyDeleteGive 'Em Hell, MM !
ReplyDelete"This post was a parody." ...And damn funny! Thanks MM.
ReplyDeleteFor those of you over on the Eastside, who think us JOCO folk are all hoty-toty, you obviously haven't spent much time west of I-35 in Olathe, from @ 135th down to the "mall".
Come to think of it, that "mall" would probably do better on the other side of town.
Good God Man! How dare you mock Norm and Betty's bar. It is one of my favorites. And, really, sometimes walking from Blue Summit is just too damn far and I need to borrow pa's scooter. That car in my front yard is just for show, really.
ReplyDeleteSigned,
The Wednesday Weekly, independence bureau.
Aw damn, I haven't laughed that hard in a month.
ReplyDeleteThat was a seriously nice piece of writing, of course the pictures helped too.
Funny as hell post. Took my daughter to her 3rd grade orientation tonight in Gardner, KS here in JoCo. If you would of seen a good number of the women there, you would never think you were in JoCo. More prison tattoos than an episode of Oz. If you are only 20 or 30 pounds overweight and only have 1 or 2 tattoos, come to the pool here because it will make you feel like a supermodel. And these are just the women!
ReplyDelete"magic internet on your webTV"--LOL, I resemble that remark. But seriously, I don't think your site will load on webTV, not unless you use squeezer.net, and that takes all the fun out of it.
ReplyDeleteKeep writing, you paint great word pictures!
Ahhhh, Independence, I love it so. I know the history so well, this was as wild of a Wild West town as you can imagine before there really was a West. Where I live is where the James Gang hid out. They robbed the Chicago & Alton less than a mile from my house. It was a town of rowdies, gamblers, outlaws, and many, many capitalists, but most importantly the zillions of people coming through here, going West, coming back East.
ReplyDeleteExactly how much is such a community supposed to evolve over ten generations? Do you expect that the great-grandchildren of these stalwarts should have evolved into cake-eating JoCo/Stepford clones, why? Because the capitalists got taken over by a Mormon offshoot?
There are so many magnificenlty beautiful places and things to see and do in Independence, there are historical sites people travel from other countries to see, and some of the kindest people I've ever known live in this community. It's easy to judge people and laugh at them about the way they look. Independence is certainly full of characters. Judgemental people come a dime a dozen and most of them haven't lived in Independence for very long and know but a fraction of the vastness of this community.
And I'm just glad that whoever uses that scooter to get around has a place like Norm and Betty's to go to and be happy for a while in what's probably an otherwise crummy life. That person might be a wounded Vietnam vet for all you know. Independence is full of them.
MM,
ReplyDeleteGreat post.
Thank you for taking the time to write and share with us.
LA
ReplyDeleteIt was a bit of humor about stereotypes from both sides of the state line. You are right the guy could be a vet, or he could just be a drunk guy who shouldnt be on 23rd street half lit on a rascal that goes 5 miles an hour. You've been reading me long enough to know not to take me seriously on some topics. I make fun of everyone including myself. I'm sure this wont be the last time I write something that offends someone.
I know, it's just my job to represent here.
ReplyDeleteI also know it's only a matter of time before you set the sites of your caustic wit on my even more-beloved Sugar Creek. I dread the day with a passion. God help me, somebody's gonna have to hold me back.
You have the uncanny ability to make me feel a little guilty at times. Not enough to make me clean up my act, but still. To be honest Ive never considered Sugar Creek, but now that you mention it.....
ReplyDelete8)
Pure gold, MM...I love posts like these. If you have a bit of free time, head down south and check out Belton. I'd love your take on the trailer park on 58 that has a satellite dish bigger than the trailer it sits next to. ;)
ReplyDeleteThe little RV park on north scott? or the one that sits across from belton inn? I do need to get over that way. Crown trailer park is another crappy one.
ReplyDeleteGood God MM. How is it that of the dozen or so trailer parks in Belton, you are familiar with the shittiest three?
ReplyDeleteThe tattoo to tooth ratio of citizenry in the three you mentioned rivals Independence in its entirety.
Oh, and I can assure you that you'll find more than one Trans Am in Belton, only the ones in Belton will have at least one primered fender and the headliner hanging down.
"Good God MM. How is it that of the dozen or so trailer parks in Belton, you are familiar with the shittiest three?"
ReplyDeleteBwahahahaha! I 2nd this question. I'm giggling up a storm over here!
Your stories are fun, MM. I never take offense at your picking on JoCo the way you do, but maybe that's because I was born and raised in an LA suburb, and my family now lives in the laughable "OC". JoCo can't hold a candle to the douchebaggery that inhabits those areas!
OK, now I am convinced that my rural neighborhood is nothing more than runoff or overflow from Independence.
ReplyDeleteTo answer the question, How do I know where the shittiest places are located, in a sea of shitty places. I was a criminal, it was my job to know the criminals around me. It's like a union with a really fucked up retirement package.
ReplyDeleteyou make me laugh so hard! Thanks heaps!
ReplyDeleteMagnificent! I'm still chuckling as I type this.
ReplyDeleteI had to think a minute about the one across from Belton Inn. (BI, btw, has now upgraded to a swanky new Days Inn, complete with a likely-locally-printed banner across the front, that's been hanging there for nearly a year. You'd think the head Days Inn company folks would at least spring for a permanent sign for the joint. The restaurant next to it is still there, though it's anyone's guess as to if it's open. If it is, bonus points to you if you actually brave stepping into the place.)
ReplyDelete;)
I like your blog. There are some really interesting articles featured by our experts on the bizymoms Independence community experts page.
ReplyDeleteI totally know that neighborhood!
ReplyDelete