Fast Eddie Friday......Monkey business in Alaska, monkey dolls in Costco.

All of the following subjects deserve their own post but that wouldn't be in keeping with Fast Eddie Friday now would it? So here we go fast and loose, a little long.....and slightly angry.

This health care debate is making me sick. Small pockets of clearly unstable fear driven chuckle heads have turned the health care debate and town hall cluster fucks into a side show. What should be a shining moment in this country, an example of what America is all about, has been reduced to a media feeding frenzy focused on a small but loud group of assholes from both sides of the debate.
It doesn't take very many people to out shout the majority of folks who show up at these meetings. From the moron who came to a town hall meeting with a pistol strapped to his leg, to the overly dramatic hysteria laden douche nozzles who are in favor of reform , getting all angsty and over emotional. All reason and respectful debate have fled the scene. The most reprehensible actor in all of this hot mess; Sarah you betcha Palin. Now before my conservative readers, which I figure to be about half of my daily traffic get their shorts in a wad, let me make something clear. This is not an attack on conservatives, middle class whites, or the GOP. In fact, I agree with many of the opinions of the right, at least in this debate. It's Palin who I object to, and her blatant attempt to fire up the fence straddlers with inflammatory horse shit about Downs babies and Death panels. She is playing on the fear and justifiable anger of working class and poor folk. She plans to ride the wave of dissent and division to the White house. Her tactics are as transparent and stretched as thin as the skin on Pam Andersons over inflated sweater kittens.

Palin has once again paraded one of her children into the spotlight. First she props up her eldest daughter as the voice of abstinence, parades her all over Gods green earth, then gets her Eddie Bauer long johns wedged up her tight frost bitten ass over late night talk show hosts who have the audacity to crack jokes at the girls expense. Now she makes totally untrue inflammatory claims about a government run health care proposal and uses her Downs baby as a straw man. News flash, we already have death panels. People who decide who gets life saving treatment and who doesn't. This death panel is called the INSURANCE industry, an industry that routinely denies treatment to its paying customers, based on age, income, cost, and probable success rate for recovery. Hospitals also decide who to treat, what measures to take, so lets throw them in with the rest of the angels of death. Offering choices and information about end of life care, which is the part of the bill that opponents are decrying, is not tantamount to denying health care. It's about living wills and choosing to continue treatment or going to hospice. Here is an intelligent conservative view of the health care debate. Here is a totally moronic view.

Want to insure health care for folks who cant afford it? How about we quit spending billions on other countries, and use that money to take care of our own. We are the worlds biggest humanitarian and global police, yet we have children starving in this country and being shot like ducks in a carnival game. We give medical aid to millions on every continent on the globe, yet we have children who cant see the fucking black board in an inner city school because they cant get eyeglasses. I'm not saying people shouldn't voice their opinions, speak their minds, debate the issue. I'm not saying the current reform is the way to go. But it can be debated in a civil and intelligent manner. Otherwise you run the risk of what we have now. It's like a rock concert that has long hairs and rednecks. The rednecks start throwing rocks at the people with long hair, the people with long hair start throwing rocks back. everybody brings their own rocks. The whole purpose of the gathering becomes lost in the melee and nothing gets done.

Another very real danger in inciting a small minority of whack jobs, it feeds the paranoia in their already unstable minds. It is only a matter of time until some looney tune extremist, on either side of the debate, decides to set off a bomb or open fire in one of these meetings or protests. When someone like Palin spews bullshit that is clearly meant to stir the soup, it encourages crazy people to act in a crazy people kind of way. I personally don't want to see some clown open fire and shoot a bunch of uninsured people. I also don't want some crackpot to decide he is the savior of the nation and end up taking a shot at some Representative or worse yet, taking a shot at Obama. In a country that is perpetually divided by race and class, what do you think would happen if some wobble head killed the president?

I honestly don't give a rats ass if the next president is Obama, a Republican, Mr. Green Jeans. I've come to the conclusion it doesn't really matter. At the end of the day middle class whites, and every minority group in this country, will always suffer at the whim of backroom deals made in Washington. The afore mentioned groups of Americans will always be pitted one against the other, even though we share more in common than we realize. Money talks and bullshit walks. There has never in my lifetime been a leader in this country who wasn't bought and paid for by some big money special interest, and that holds true in the current administration, and will be just as true in the next. I admit to being slightly bamboozled by the Obama charm in the beginning, but I shook that shit off fairly early in his term, like a month in. I know this much, the day that Sarah Palin walks her bear skinnin, snow shoe wearin, lipstick adorned pit bull ass into the white house, is the day we are truly as fucked up as a soup sandwich. I'll migrate to Amsterdam and live out the remainder of my days smoking weed with funny names and wearing wooden shoes, or whatever passes for footwear in the land of pale people with too many consonants and not enough vowels in their names.

Sorry, my composure got away from me for a minute. Lets talk about something that surely is free of controversy, race, and irrationality. Toys, now there is a simple controversy free subject, better yet lets talk about dolls. Awwww ...... Hey there is a subject safer than double condom sex with a retired nun........Not so fast skippy. A black man in North Carolina is crying racism over an African American doll that comes with a plush monkey. The little girl doll is wearing a cap that has little monkey printed on it. You could also get the same doll in white or Hispanic, with a monkey, with the same cap. You could also get a doll that came with a panda, which I'm sure will offend some bi racial person, and it might piss off a few Chinese folks as well since they probably have some kind of registered trademark on Pandas, or an elephant, Fat people rise up!!! Granted in todays climate and given folks proclivity to find offense where none is intended, marketing an African American doll wearing a cap that reads little monkey isn't exactly a wise move, but that doesn't make it racist, and its only offensive to people who are looking to be offended, or looking to get paid. I'll wager my entire Beany Baby collection that a lawsuit is already in the works, at the very least the thin skinned douche nozzle that complained about the doll, as he was buying the fucking thing, is going to end up with a new Plasma TV and an industrial size case of Bon Bons.

So this latest cry of racism got me to wondering how long it would take me to find another offensive toy, using the same train of thought as the guy who made the initial complaint. Keep in mind this ass backwards thinking isn't confined to just a few black folks, there are white people who are just as moronic as the guy at Costco. Remember the ALkaydee doll at Walmart that supposedly said Islam is the Light? Yeah, stupidity does not discriminate. So I went to google and googled monkey doll. First hit turned up an insidious conspiracy of vile racism, and it had gang connotations as well. Snap! daily fuckin double. Loyal readers I give you Me & My Homies Super Fly Monkey. Seven plush monkeys, 4 wearing blue, three wearing red. Crips and Bloods. Actually, throw in the Me and My homies Super Fly name and these fuckers are kind of racist. That said, I find it hard to believe that a company, whose whole purpose is to sell shit, would go out of their way to put out a doll with a racist message. We still have enough real racism in this country that we don't need to manufacture it. People who go all Al Sharpton over stupid non issues like monkey dolls only do harm to an already divided nation. Making up shit like being offended over a monkey doll only lends credence to claims that all complaints of racism are nothing more than some minority playing the race card. Look, we have some backwoods, corn pone eating racists in this country. People of color, be it black, brown, whatever, still face discrimination, it really happens, and it is deplorable. But you aren't going to find David Fuckin Duke sitting packaged between tickle me Elmo and Bob the shoddy Builder in the aisle at Costco.

And finally, Kansas City Cartoon Character Mayor Funkenstein and his wife Quasimodo are back in business. The inepdt city council tried once more to keep Shrek out of city hall, and they failed. The mayor laid a veto down on their latest attempt at a volunteer ordinance. This city is being governed by the cast of Our Gang. The mayor is like Alfalfa, always screwing shit up, they mayoress is that little Darla chick who plays Alfalfa like a Stradivarius, only not so cute and much larger, and the city council are all of the extras that nobody remembers. On the bright side there will be plenty of blog fodder coming out of city hall. I'm thinking about starting a lawsuit clock. It's only a matter of time until the barefoot princess of Kansas City opens her gaping maw and gets the city sued again. As for the city council, I've never seen a less effective group of people in my life. They are like a group of monkeys trying to fuck a football.

And Breathe......................................

Have a safe weekend, try not to buy any overtly racist plush toys, and unless you have a low deduct able insurance policy, you might want to steer clear of any town hall meetings. It's getting ugly out there.