This is a stick up. I'll take a mixed bucket and 3 pudding parfaits please.

Criminals today, I just can't figure them out. They are either becoming dumber by the minute, or else they are fearless, I'm going to opt for the former. Case in point, the 3 nimrods who took down a Kentucky Fried Chicken on 85th just west of Wornall. The case is a couple of days cold, still, it deserves taking a look at. Here's the skinny on it; 3 masked douche bags storm the KFC, one armed with a shotgun, another was also armed, clown number 3 was carrying a backpack, and had a hella appetite. So they rob the registers, master criminal number 3 empties the drive thru register, picks up a box cutter, and then orders a bucket of chicken. His 2 partners see a cop car drive down the street, get spooked, make like trees, and leave. The 2 knuckleheads run across the parking lot of a price chopper, encounter an off duty , moonlighting cop, the cop wonders why one of them has a shotgun, shots are fired , mayhem ensues. Meanwhile, back at the KFC, the 3rd genius is waiting on the chicken he ordered. That's right, he is waiting for some chicken. He realizes his pals have left him, then he asks the folks he is robbing where the other 2 went. He then flees the scene, taking the money, and a big ass red and white striped bucket O chicken.


I forgot to mention, the three would be crooks were wearing KC ball caps in contrasting colors, one black, one blue, and one red. Because whenever robbing a chicken joint, ya gotta look tight.
First of all, the fact that the robber had to wait on some greasy yard bird just confirms that KFC's service really sucks, it's one of the reasons I rarely eat there. I hate waiting for sub par fast food, besides KFC fouled me out and pretty much ruined my future dining experience with those nasty ass KFC bowls that look like someone just scraped garbage into a bowl. Seriously, who mixes shit like that together, gravy and cheese for chrissake, it's like replacing tomato sauce on a pizza with vanilla pudding or something.

Back to these 3 nimrods. You have to wonder what the pre robbery plan went like. I imagine it went like this:

Robber 1 " I'll empty the registers up front, while one of you does crowd control, then one of you can hit the drive thru register".

Robber 2 " I'll do crowd control"

Robber 3 " I'll catch that drive thru register, anybody seen my gun"?

Robber 1 " Snap, I almost forgot, somebody grab a bucket of chicken, and some of those pudding parfaits. This blunt is makin me hella hungry,Yo."

Robber 3 " Original or extra crispy, G"?

Robber 1 " Shit, mix it up homes".

Robber 2 " Can I wear the blue cap? It matches my hoody".

Robber 1 to Robber 3 " Don't forget to grab some of those wet naps".

Robber 3 " Anybody seen my gun"?


If these idiots had better taste in food, they would have been caught at the scene. Imagine if they had robbed a Sizzler. Don't judge, Sizzler has one of those soft serve ice cream machines. Anyway, the cops could have caught them easily if they were in line behind the family of tater hogs that always seem to show up at Sizzler just ahead of you at the buffet. I mean how do those people get so much starch on one little oval plate? I was at a salad bar behind that family, they filled their plates with bacon bits, olives and potato salad, must of had a half pound each of bacon bits alone.
Where was I?
Oh, right, the robbers.
Luckily none of the KFC employees were hurt, nor was the cop. Unfortunately, the cop wasn't much of a marksman, he fired 14 rounds and apparently managed to hit bupkiss, nada, nothin. How anyone short of Stevie Wonder could miss hitting 2 stooges in puffy coats, not once but 14 times is beyond me. Sometimes living in Kansas City is like a bad Disney movie, like Shakiest Gun in the West, or the Apple Dumpling Gang. I miss the old days, when bad guys were just after the money, and cops could at least hit em in the ass after 14 tries.