Fate always trumps stupid.............

I was watching a show on melting icebergs last night, and no this isn't a post on global warming. I'll leave that to the big thinkers on both sides of the debate. Visually it was pretty fascinating, these guys were walking around on these big ice shelves which had giant holes. The holes were hundreds of feet deep. Most of the time the main ice guy is tethered to a line, but at one point he walks up to the edge of this huge hole. He gets down on his belly and hangs his head over the edge, no lifeline, no safety net. He tells the person behind the camera how dangerous this is, that he shouldn't be doing it, how the shelf could collapse and he would be gone for ever. Hey, it was making me nervous just watching him. Then there was that other voice, the one that said "Hey dumb ass, if you fall in that hole, it serves you right". Of course I'm not hoping the dude takes a tumble, but if he does, it's on him. When you tempt fate, push the envelop, try your luck, give it a name, you take the chance of having some dire consequences jump up and bite you on the ass.


Which brings me to the climber who got swallowed up by the Volcano Gods at Mt. St. Helens. Joseph Bohlig, 52, who was posing for a picture on the rim of the dormant crater when a snow overhang gave way beneath him. Let me repeat that. He was posing for a picture, standing on a snowy ledge, near the edge of a fuckin volcano. Bohlig had climbed Mt. St. Helens 50 or 60 times over the years. He knew he wasn't supposed to be near the edge. He tempted fate, and it bit him squarely in his ass. He also risked the lives of the rescuers who tried, but failed to save him. While I don't wish death on anyone who makes bad decisions, tempts fate, I'm not real broke up over it either.

I smoke, and I do it knowing that the shit can kill you. Should I die, or get sick because I made a stupid decision, it won't be any ones fault but my own. Should I find myself sitting in a doctors office one day, god forbid, while he tells me I've got the big Casino, and just months to live, I promise not to run out and sue Phillip Morris. Here's the rub, and the thing that exemplifies how retarded we all are. Knowing all I know about the risks of smoking, if I get sick from it, it will shock the shit right out of me. Despite my super human brain, I'm human, barely, and as such, I am retarded. Despite all of the risks, the warnings all over the pack, I don't believe it will happen, not, To, Me. It's that thing we all carry to some degree in our DNA. I like to call it, The Retarded Gene. We all have it, even though we pretend we don't.

The Retarded Gene. It is responsible for Russian Roulette.


It's the reason drunken Chinese keep getting bitten by Gu Gu the Giant Panda. Gu Gu has sunk teeth in to 3, count em, 3, morons who tempted fate and climbed over the barrier to the fluffy Pandas enclosure. Here are the money lines from Gu Gu's latest meal on heels.

"The panda is a national treasure, and I love and respect [him], so I didn't fight back," Zhang said. "The panda didn't let go until it chewed up my leg and its mouth was dripping with my blood."

Zookeepers needed to use tools to pry open Gu Gu's jaws.

Zhang said he never imagined a panda could be so vicious.

"I always thought they were cute and just ate bamboo," Zhang said.

Clearly the guy knew that pandas aren't giant Teddy bears. Gu Gu had already sunk his panda teeth into 2 previous tools. The first guy was drunk, and he bit the Panda back. So the Panda probably had it in for tourists anyway. The retarded gene can be found in the woman who tried to get up close with a polar bear at a zoo in Berlin. and hey, who doesn't want to swim with Polar Bears? They didn't kill her, but they sure as hell made her rethink the wisdom of her actions. A tad too late, I might add.

Bernie Madoff tempted fate. It eventually bit him squarely in his greedy ass.

Marie Antoinette. Note to self, never tell starving people to eat cake.

I'm tempting fate in this post by using the word retard. Even though everyone agrees it's a bad word by virtue of what it implies. Which seems, well, a little retarded, since it's my intention to describe stupid people in a totally derogatory manner. Seems like a derogatory word would be a good choice. Still, I know it will offend someone. The point is, I'm tempting fate.


It seems to me there is no escaping the retarded gene. So run out and stare into a 1200 foot hole, or get your family xmas picture taken at the mouth of Krakatoa. But when you hug that bear, or fall off that icy ledge, don't expect me to call it a terrible accident. You tempted fate, and fate bites like a bear. Or a Panda. Or a Volcano.