Kevin Smith, too fat to fly,... skinny enough to tweet.

Everyone and their cousin, and at least one Russian, have put in his two cents, or three rubles, on the Kevin Smith fiasco. For those living in a cave, Kevin Smith is the semi famous director who just became slightly more famous after being tossed off a Southwest Air flight for being too fat. Smith went on twitter and began a campaign to shame Southwest into............., well I'm not exactly sure what his goal is. Since he got kicked off the plane several days back, he has tweeted non stop about it. What I am certain of is this, Smith is a bit of a tator hog, he has a hard on for Southwest Air, a boner he is too fat to see by the way, unless he straddles a mirror. And like every other attention deficit clown in the free world, he Twitters. I know, I know, most of you Twitter as well, and if I haven't pissed you off by now, I probably will by the end of this post. I don't twit, or tweet, and I think Twitter is ruining America. Twitter should be banned like a fat guy flying coach, along with skinny jeans, political correctness, and Lady GaGa. And trust me, that's just the short list.


I know what you are thinking, Double M doesn't like Smith because he is kind of hipsterish.
Not true.
Okay, maybe that has something to do with it, but it goes deeper than that. I will say that Dogma was one of my favorite movies, probably in my top 20 of all time. I even thought Jay and Silent Bob was funny, in a Juvenile stoner way. Beyond that, the guy has gotten rich by putting out tripe like Clerks and Jersey Girl, while giving false hope and sugar plum visions to the doofus crowd of twenty something angsty types. So in the spirit of full disclosure, I will amend my earlier statement and concede that I think he is kind of a douche bag. He also has over a million morons following his every fart and tweet, confined to however many characters a twit is comprised of. Which is too many by half. At least.


I should chime in on the fat people invading their seat mates air space, since that's what ticked off Smith in the first place. I have never personally flown next to a fat person. I have however been shackled and belly chained in the back of a plain unmarked prison transport van, next to a fat guy. While I admit to not being to thrilled about it, there are worse fates. Like being shackled and belly chained next to a guy who hadn't seen toothbrush nor soap in many, many, moons. I'll take a fat guy over a skinny one who smells like ass and spoiled buttermilk, any day of the week. That said, being fat, marginally famous, and comfortably wealthy doesn't mean you should be free to spill over into the next persons seat . If middle class fat folks have to abide by a particular set of rules, then Kevin Smith shouldn't expect to be treated any different.


Now back to twitter, which is really the bone I am chewing on in this post. Since when did the excruciating minutia of peoples lives become worthy of reading? And before you start citing isolated shit like the recent tweets coming out of Iran and Haiti, the same thing could have been accomplished with phone calls and text messages. Revolutions and Natural disasters aside, do we really need up to the second reports on every trivial minute of someones day? Apparently we do.
Maybe it's just me. I'll admit to being a little slow to catch on to the latest craze. I was still using pay phones when people were running around with those cell phones in shoulder bags. I was still jamming matchbooks under that REO 8 track when my buddies were all cutting edge with cassettes listening to emotive angsty shit like REM. Of course now I realize how shitty REO sounds on 8 tracks or 16 tracks, and REM is considered classic rock, or something . So maybe in a few years when everyone has moved on to the next mode of communication, sending brainwaves via chips implanted in their ear drums, maybe I'll get a twitter page. But for now, I'll do shit the old fashioned way. A self serving blog. With too many words and too few one liners.

***Be sure and check out Meesha's post on Kevin Smith, it has visual aids. Besides he rarely blogs anymore, probably too busy tweeting.****