The mark of the Beast is on this blog. Which explains the sodomy threats.

While I pride myself on walking the straight and narrow for the past 10 plus years, I still have vestiges of a criminal mind. First and foremost is my trademark pessimism concerning practically every living breathing soul on this blue marble over the age of 12. Running a close second, is my superstitious mindset. Criminals are a superstitious bunch. While former criminals such as myself may leave the old career path behind, some habits are just impossible to break. I wasn't going to post anything today, then I happened to look at my post count. Imagine my horror to find that my last post, the weekly and wildly popular, okay, mildly popular, Fast Eddie Friday, was post number 666. Normally I'm agnostic, unless I'm afraid something is wrong with me, or I find a lump on one of my balls, then I'm a washed in the blood Lutheran with Southern Baptist lineage just to round shit out. So , the number 666 just has too many implications to ignore. I could end this post right now and I'm pretty certain Beelzebub wouldn't be able to use my blog as a gateway to hell and Armageddon. But I figure since I'm already here, might as well make it worth the effort. So without further ado.

The night I was threatened with Sodomy, by a female Arkansas educator, on Facebook.


I know what you are thinking. Ol' Double M has lost his mind, and isn't Arkansas Educator an oxymoron? Rest assured I'm not losing my mind, and they do have schools in Arkansas, although I question why anyone would allow someone as crazy as an Arizona lizard on a desert highway to come in contact with their children. But let's back up, heh heh, on the sodomy talk for a sec, and clarify a couple of things. I'm not a fan of Facebook, I don't judge, but I've got better shit to do with my time than check to see how fat or better looking my old friends and flames have become. Besides they don't have facebook in the joint or cemeteries, which is where the vast majority of the people I grew up with can be found. Where you won't find them is sharing magic eggs and playing Mafia wars on facebook. Not that there is anything wrong with that.
I have left maybe a dozen messages on facebook. Normally they are either poking fun of middle aged white guys trying to look like Sam Jackson in Kanga hats, or Russian tourists taking photos on Hollywood Blvd. I did leave a couple of posts on the "Let's get this prick" Waldo Rapist site. and that ladies and gents, is how I crossed paths with some hillbilly lady who asked me how I'd like to be sodomized.


I never found out what I said that would lead her to ask such a question, but I think it was the post about the counter productivity of threatening to lynch a black guy in Arrowhead stadium. Now if I was a bigger prick, I'd post the woman's name and the school district she works for, but I'm not out to cost anyone their job, or heap ridicule upon a woman who is obviously a few teeth shy of a full set, figuratively, and perhaps literally, or vice verse. As you can imagine, and knowing I'm a sucker for morons who ask moronic questions, I rose to the bait, like a trout to a fly. I did try the subtle approach, knowing it's never a good thing to incite crazy people. I hear they are abnormally strong. So I replied that I didn't believe I'd care for it at all. Which pissed her off even further. After a little back n forth, and her calling me a weird som bitch, I mentioned her employer and she went as mute as Helen Keller. Note to self: don't post your employer on Facebook.

But the whole exchange got me thinking about how close we come to crazy people and never even realize it. From unsolved crazies like the Zodiac killer, to those who have been identified, like the guy who recently flew his plane into the side of the IRS building in Texas. People have walked by these guys, stood behind them in line at the bank, or brushed past them in some innocuous form or another right before they slipped from the tenuous grasp of sanity, into the realm of bat shit craziness. Now toss in the infinite world of the interwebs, and you have yourself some truly spooky shit to ponder late at night when you can't sleep. The anonymity the Internet affords is pretty fuckin scary if you think about it. Who knows when some anonymous commentor is going to leave the safe confines of the glowing screen, and venture out among the world to commit some crazy act.

We let our guards down, the longer we go without ever crossing paths with someone who might not have our best intentions at heart, the safer we feel. Like most really great ideas, the human race finds a way to fuck it up. The Internet is no exception. For every mommy blog, or recipe site, or save the whatever web page, there are countless fruit cakes just a snarky comment or Internet pissing match away, from going Snap, Crackle, and Pop on some unsuspecting persons ass. Luckily for me, I neither live in Arkansas, nor do I intend to visit there anytime in the foreseeable future. Besides, I managed to avoid playing the role of Ned Beatty in any prison recreations of the movie Deliverance, so I'm pretty sure a skinny lady from Arkansas won't be making me pick up the soap. That said, it's a wacky crazy mixed up world we live in, and the pretend reality of the Internet makes it that much more dangerous. So be careful who you piss off, and don't take any magic eggs from facebook strangers.