Remember Bali..................

In Bali a teenager was forced to marry a cow, and when I say cow, I don't mean the Balinese version of Rosie O'Donnell. I mean a bovine, 4 legs, udders, cud chewing, moo cow. Shit gets a whole lot deeper, but let me back up for a second.

  We, and by We I mean us, all of us, this country, We catch more than a little flack for our fucked uppedness.  We are seen as materialistic, shallow, vain as peacocks. Bullies, invaders, too conservative, or not conservative enough. The world doesn't Really, like us much. Sure they pander to us, scrape, bow, and kiss the fat of our collective ass, but by and large the rest of the world views us  much the same way a cowed dog views it's master. They wag their tail when we reach out to stroke them, but they'd just as soon bite the shit out of us, were it not for the repercussions, that often warranted bite, would garner.  Make no mistake, we are as fucked up as that proverbial soup sandwich I refer to so often. But compared to much of the rest of the world, we can't hold a candle to their fucked uppedness. Which brings me back to the cave people of Bali.

 Ngurah Alit, 18, was seen in a Bali paddy field standing naked behind a cow. I'm sure that "standing naked behind a cow", really means, Dude got caught knocking the bottom out of a cow. Now, I know what you are thinking.
Big deal, right?
People routinely dick down animals in this country, and far worse.

Not so fast, I told you this thing gets deep.  The guy said the cow was at fault. He claimed he believed the cow was a young and beautiful woman, and it had seduced him with flattering compliments. So what ever passes for a legal/court system, forced our lactose tolerant freak to marry the cow. You would think a guy who was ballsy enough to stand  in an open field while getting all up in a cows bidness, wouldn't rattle easy.

You would think.


In reality, not so much.

He fainted at the altar. No report on the cows state of mind. As if all of this wasn't bad enough at the end of the ceremony, they drowned the cow.  Reason being, drowning the cow and dunking dudes clothes in the river  purged the bad JuJu from the village.

One villager said: ‘Poor kid. He’s actually a quiet kid.’

Of course he is quiet, he fucks cows. People who do that sort of shit aren't usually real chatty types.

We may fuck the occasional farm animal or dog in this country, and be we, I mean everyone but me, we may do some twisted repugnant shit, but we don't drown the victim, even if it tastes good on a grill. And we don't call our animal rapists" Poor Kid". We call em sheep fuckers, or whatever species applies.  So chin up America. We may take some heat. Sure we  screw up, a lot. But the next time you are feeling low, when the rest of the world is pointing an accusatory finger at us, remember, Bali.

Tomorrow I head to Boston, where everyone talks like a hair lip with a mouth full of marbles. I couldn't leave you rubes unenlightened for an entire week. Who knows, I may post one from the road. But don't hold your breath.