Fast Eddie Friday....Beware the ides of March....

Julius Caesar was warned by a soothsayer to "beware the ides of March", a few hours later a bunch of disgruntled cats broke some metal off in his ass.  ( Thats early roman prison slang meaning you just got shanked bitch) Popular theory is that Caesar had pissed off too many people and they all got together and made a move on him. I've got my own theory and it goes something like this. Ides is just the fucked up Roman way of saying "the fifteenth" of the month.

The soothsayer, who was really just a latter day Miss Cleo, minus the fake Jamaican accent, African mu mu, and 800 number, should have warned Jules to watch his ass because spring was coming. The reason he got bumped was because of the  warm weather, spring. The date was just luck on the soothsayers part, or he may have had some inside info. Point is, the killers were just waiting for the big C to get caught out running around with his guard down. Spring brings warm weather, and warm weather brings out the criminals. Fact. A fact that still holds true today.

So now that I've schooled you rubes on some historical shit, lets take a look at Spring in the metro and see whats sprung.

Here we go, fast and loose.

Something about warm weather brings out the crazy in folks, I figure that's why there will never be peace in the middle east, it's always fuckin hot over there. Right?

Take the dude pictured above with the fucked up complexion for example.  John Gallagher, 19, a former student of some Platte City High School got busted for breaking in to the school, multiple times. His crime, besides burglary? Johnny boy was burping the nephew, choking his chicken, jerkin his gherkin, and spilling his seed on underwear he found in the boys gym locker room. He allegedly told the cops he was doing it to exact revenge on a certain type of student, the same type who bullied him when he went to school there. John's explanation stinks worse than a gym sock. While I've no doubt he was bullied, I mean seriously look at the mug on this clown, still I'm guessing this crime is one of passion and not pay back. Spring not only brings crime, it makes the libido go haywire. School officials should count themselves lucky that Johnny didn't take his lust to the cafeteria. " This tapioca tastes funny".

 Anyway, blame it on spring.

Nothing says spring in Kansas City like rolling gun battles and increased shootings on the East side. I've lost count how many people have been shot so far this month, but it's a bunch. Warm weather is conducive to thuggish types for a variety of reasons. When your ass is hanging out of saggy pants you don't want an arctic wind frostbiting your crack. So they wait until it warms up before they step up spraying random bullets and killing each other over a particular block or bandanna. Fair warning, like the Robin that you see in your yard, a harbinger of spring, that Robin migrated with the warm weather. Urban criminals also migrate with weather, so expect an increase in robbery, car jacking, and all around mayhem, coming to a neighborhood near you!

If you think I seem  to have taken on a glib attitude about crime and the freaky freaks that roam this city,  you are correct. I gotta be honest, the righteous indignation thing got tired, played out. They say laughter is the best medicine, and really, who wants to read the same morose shit day in and out. I've come to the conclusion that I've wasted 3 years on this bloggy thing trying to be all serious and shit. I think that's what killed my writing mojo. So look for an uptick in my posting frequency, and a downturn in the serious factor. I'll still write the occasional tear jerker, but not nearly as often. Spring is here, even if it isn't official yet. New beginnings, hope springing eternal, and a heavy dose of sarcasm, that's the ticket.  You rubes stay tuned, shits about to pick up around here.