I was just outside walking the dogs when I was approached by a couple of Mormon fellas. Ive got to hand it to them , they must have some real faith in their convictions to walk up on someone in this part of town. Normally I would have spent some time breaking their balls just for grins, but its cold outside, so I just gave them the old "I'm not interested" line and kept walking. They followed me.
While I still remain firm in my conviction that Mormon's are just a little wacky, Ive got to say I had an inkling of respect for them just based on tenacity alone. I know it may be hard for my readers to believe, but I'm not the most approachable person you ever met. Ive got a pretty good size scar on my face, a permanent scowl and to be honest I look pissed off, even though I'm not. So when Opie and Howdy Doody failed to take my lack of interest and look of disdain seriously, it kind of tickled my funny bone.
I figured they would give up if I just kept walking so I set out around the block. I think I could have lost them but the dogs had to stop every 10 feet to sniff or piss. They weren't really pushy and mostly made small talk. What religion was I, etc. When we rounded the last turn and started down my street, I noticed one of them craning his neck and looking at the building on the far end of the block. A worried look came over their faces and they broke away from me at a pretty fucking brisk pace. They didn't say a word, not a goodbye or god bless, they just took off.
When I got to the end of the block they were standing at the curb looking up and down Armour road, for their bikes, that someone just made off with.
I had a JW show up at my house while I was alone on Sunday. I didn't open the door but talked through the window. I told him he could leave a brochure in the door handle. I always need paper to start a fire in the fireplace.
ReplyDeleteOne more confirmation that truth is stranger than fiction.
ReplyDeleteWhen JW's show up at my house, I tell them that I will accept their literature if they accept a Book of Mormon from me. Not only do they not accept my trade, but they never come back to my house.
ReplyDeleteNobody stole their bikes.
ReplyDeleteGod called their bikes back to heaven.
Goddamn if your posts don't make me laugh. You really need to be writing for a living.
ReplyDeleteha. I thought it might have been some kind of divine intervention.
ReplyDeleteAn old friend once told me, "Tell 'em you're Catholic. That'll scare 'em away."
ReplyDeleteJoe if I could find someone willing to pay me to write , I'd be all over it. Thanks for the compliment.
ReplyDeleteIn high school I dated (OK, had a twisted summer fling with) a Mormon who was about to go on Mission. He said they were told in their training that Catholics and Orthodox Jews were tough sells but they were given specific strategies for those two groups. He said "we're only really afraid of the witches." Two decades later, a Mormon came to my door, asked if I believed in god, I said I believe in *all* the gods and stood there looking all interested and excited to talk to him, all the while moving my hands around in mysterious, ritualized ways (some bad combo of Bewitched and Mr. Miyagi doing tai chi). He was gone within 5 minutes. No doubt terrified I'd cursed his secret underwear or cast a spell to make his white shirts all dingy.
ReplyDeletemy house must have been marked hopeless after few attempts and they just gave up on me.
ReplyDeletehttp://kcmeesha.com/
ReplyDeleteWhat would you do without me? =)
ReplyDeleteFinally proof that I'll be ok in KC -- ya'll make fun of the Momo's down there too!
ReplyDeleteI was worried.