Soap and Suds Surrealism

Saturday I made a trip to the local laundry mat due to the washing machine in my building being out of order. I could have gone to one of the local hipster places that serve beer and have big screen tv, instead, I opted to go to the Wacky mat on 39th street west of Southwest Trafficway.

On first arriving I figured I had picked the right place. There was only one other person there, a late 20's early 30's something woman. She didn't seem crazy, and didn't omit any noxious odors. In fact she was a really good looking woman, coffee with cream colored skin, almond shaped eyes, the right bumps in all the right places and a v neck sweater that was so revealing I could see all the way to ........., well, you get the picture. So I'm thinking its not going to be so bad.

Across the street there is one of those tax places, a short pudgy guy is doing the Statue of Liberty bit, waving at cars as they pass by. After awhile he is joined by another Statue of Liberty, this one a woman. A guy in an Uncle Sam outfit is with her and carrying a chair. When they get out to the curb Uncle Sam puts the chair down and Miss Liberty takes a seat. WTF, since when does the symbol of Liberty and Tax preparation sit? Are they using handicapped or injured workers in the hope of flagging down some sympathetic person who just happens to be looking for someone to do his taxes? Maybe its a metaphorical take on the whole immigration debate since most of the customers coming in and out of the tax place seem to be of Hispanic dissent. Perhaps the people who own the tax place are members of the Minute Men and this is their way of saying, " enough already with your tired, your poor, Your huddle masses yearning to breath free, I need a break".

As I am sitting in one of those hard plastic Laundry mat chairs, looking at the twin Liberty's and glancing over at the Nubian laundry princesses twins hoping to see them liberated, in walks character number 3. A woman in her late 40's to early fifties with a price chopper grocery cart parked outside. She steps through the door with 2 pillow cases stuffed full of dirty clothes. She dumps both loads in to a single washer, crams them in so full that the lid barely shuts. She feeds the machine some quarters, and no soap. She the proceeds over to the television bolted to the wall and begins to carry on a lengthy conversation in fluent gibberish. This goes on for a few minutes while Foxy Brown and I exchange knowing glances that we are clearly in the presence of someone whose elevator is stuck between floors.

I make my way outside to have a smoke and to be close to my car in case the shopping cart lady goes crazy, pulls a meat cleaver from under one of the 4 sweaters she is wearing, and hacks Ms. Brown to pieces. Someone has to remain alive to call the cops and an ambulance, and I figure it may as well be me. Besides things are starting to pick up across the street at the tax place. Apparently in the world of big time advertisement and instant tax returns, the more people you can dress up like caricatures of patriotic symbolism the better. In the 5 minutes it took me to smoke, 2 more uncle Sam's and yet another Statue of Liberty appeared at the curb across the street. It was a giant bobble head mascot like Statue of Liberty. Just as things were picking up across the street, the crazy lady came out of the Laundry mat and went next door to the second hand children's store, talking to her imaginary friend all the way .

I went back inside and threw my stuff in to several dryers. After about 10 minutes or so the crazy lady came back with a newly acquired duckling. It was a stuffed toy and much to my dismay not a real duck. I guess she was in need of a well worn ,stained, stuffed duck, and really, who isn't? The crazy lady picked up her conversation with the duck, where she had left off from her earlier exchange with the television.

So there I sat, at 10 o'clock on a Saturday morning in a Laundry mat in midtown. To my left were waving Statues of Liberty, Uncle Sam's and one freakish looking ,wobble headed ,mascot like ,Statue of Liberty. Directly in front of me was a really nice display of cleavage, and to my right a crazy woman was talking to a toy duck. It was surreal, and the reason why I love living here. You just don't see this kind of shit in the burbs.