I think I'll just stay in bed

Yesterday in the span of a few hours I fell victim to the following mishaps.


I was cleaning this toxic landfill I live in and decided it was time to bleach the bathroom floor. I poured bleach water all over the tiles and left it to do its thing for 5 minutes. When I walked back in to the bathroom, I forgot that bleach water is slippery. I promptly went ass over tea kettle. Lucky for me the 1930's era solid cast iron bath tub broke my fall by catching me in the lower part of my back. On the upside, I was wearing a really nice black shirt and a newer pair of jeans that will make for great rags now that they were discolored by the bleach.


I was trimming my nose hairs and trimmed part of my septum in the bargain. I spent 45 minutes with a wad of tissue crammed up my snot box to stem the flow of blood from whatever major artery I severed.

I took the trash out to the dumpster stepped on flat level sidewalk and promptly turned my ankle, which at least made me forget that the inside of my nose was really hurting.

And finally, I got a late night call from a friend who relayed the tragic news that Felix the rabbit died unexpectedly. So I’m not really going to stay in bed, as I am in charge of burial detail, to put Felix in his final resting place. To make matters worse I'll be trying to dig a hole in frozen ground.

Oh, I almost forgot, I’ve had a vicious fucking cold that make my head feel like a water balloon. The new gash inside my nose , prevents me from really blowing hard enough to clear it out enough to breath.


On the bright side , I saved 6 bucks on my car insurance.