For sale by owner. Florida home and a womb with a view , but that's extra.

So this Florida woman Deven Trabosh, has listed her house for sale for a little under 400K, she has also thrown in herself for a half million extra. She gakked up some drivel about how she was wanting to sell her house before she lost it, and seeing's how she is all romantic and shit, she figured to auction herself off to some prince charming with an extra 900k and change laying around. So let me get this straight, for the meager sum of almost a million buckaroonies I not only get a house, but I get a middle aged woman with two kids. Now that's a Bawgun!!!!!

I don't have that kind of cheddar laying around casa del midtown, and frankly I wouldn't pony up that much moolah if I had it. She looks nice enough and all, but buying a spouse isn't like buying a car, there's no such thing as a classic in the spouse trade. Lets face it, man or woman, when it comes to buying a mate, anyone shallow enough to buy a spouse, is going to go for a newer sporty model, not a high mileage mini van. Then again I've been wrong at least 3 times in my life so maybe she is on to something.

I wonder what my ad might look like if I put myself on the market. Hmmmm..............I wonder...

For Sale By Owner

48 year old fixer upper. Do you have a good imagination? Are you handy with a hammer? Then this is your lucky day. Romance and charm await you in this spacious 4 room midtown apartment.The furnishings are an epileptic mix, er I mean eclectic, mix of second hand furniture and art prints , which were screwed into the wall with 3 inch deck screws, when I was to stoned to find a wall stud. I have a ready made family waiting for you as well. That's right, if you are the lucky bidder, you will find two spoiled dogs and a couple of messy fucking parakeets. You can bond with the 2 dogs when they need to go outside , at midnight, in this high crime area.

You can look forward to nights filled with wacky humor and hi jinks. Classy shit, like me innocently asking if you know the answer to a real estate question. When you inquire what the question is, I expose my willy and ask "Is this alot"? I'm moody, self centered, I smoke, I'm lazy, an ex con, low paying job and a six figure restitution payment plan, that will be paid in full when Im 93. (really, I'm serious) What more could you ask for?

Why bother to go through all the headache of actually meeting someone you like, and share common crap with. Since most marriages end in divorce, why not marry someone you'll be glad to get rid of ? Since I rent, you wont actually own the place, but you can watch my TV, just don't fuck with the remote. The bidding starts at a PlayStation 3, a bag of weed, and a carton of Marlboro lights.

Pretty ridiculous , huh? Not nearly ridiculous as Deven's ad however. I'd have a lot more respect for her if she would just call it what it is, which is, looking for a rich doofus. And honestly, a half million is pretty steep, especially if you consider that she is in Florida, which is rife with well heeled old guys who would normally jump at the chance to marry a woman 20 or 30 years their junior. So if she cant pluck some sugar daddy off the shuffleboard courts, she is either lazy or crazy, and who wants to pay for that? Yeah I know, she is looking for loooove, and Im looking for a Pulitzer, my chances are slim to none, Deven's are slightly worse. Anyone stupid enough to buy in to the bullshit she is slinging, isn't smart enough to hold on to the kind of money she is trolling for.

So Deven if you read this, I ain't mad at ya. Just drop the whole princess looking for a prince routine. You are a middle aged divorcee with two kids and a mortgage you cant pay, welcome to the real world. The world is full of women in the same situation as you, and they aren't all on the interwebs, embarrassing their children, and slinging their way over priced WhoHaa, under the guise of looking for Prince Charming. I've got more respect for hookers, at least they call it what it is.