Who wants to really screw their kids up?

Lets see a show of hands. What, nobody? Oh well, if you change your minds you are but a click away from the FLDS Dress website. That's right, our old friends at the Yearning for Zion Ranch and Pedophile Emporium have launched a clothing line. Apparently all of the media attention sparked an interest in folks who wanted to know , "where can I get a dress that says 1840"? While most young tween girls yearn to dress like Miley ( my dad is riding my success) Cyrus, you can make sure your kid stands out like Imus at the BET awards show.

Shopping for a prom dress? This snappy little number insures that nobody will be trying to get too close at the dance. It's also perfect for Hoe downs, barn dances and Hoot a Nannies.

But MM, what if my daughter runs in to some boy who has a Melissa Gilbert, Lil House on the Prairie fantasy? Glad you asked. Make her use protection, and by protection I don't mean a condom. Before your future spinster slips in to that gingham granny dress, make sure she puts on a pair of these ankle to Adam's apple under garments. No self respecting teenage boy is going to try to round the bases when the infield is covered in a tarp.

Disclaimer *** holy under garments not effective on creepy old guys with multiple wives***

I kid around here, but take a look at the website, and the uber creepy pictures , and then tell me these people aren't as fucked up as a soup sandwich.