I made a vow a few months back, I swore to never write another word about our Mayor. There are several bloggers, more versed on the ins and outs of City hall than I. About a third of my readers, dont call KC home, or the Midwest for that matter, so the whole local politics thing was lost on them anyway. However after Tonys Kansas City linked this Newsletter from the real Mayor, Gloria Squittro, how could I not respond? So call me a vow breaker, or wishy washy, or attack me with the Liar Liar pants on fire defense, but I cant let this pass. So without further adieu, my response to the Earth Mutha of city hall.
Dear Co Mayor Gloria,
I read your latest missive from Funks Front Porch, and I felt compelled to point out a few inaccuracies, misleading statements, and general run of the mill bullshit. My first point of contention is over this statement in your letter.
" the Mayor was disappointed when some of his fellow council members did not come to his defense after a former mayoral staffer filed an unfounded lawsuit against him."
I feel ya Glo, loyalty is hard to come by. First sign of trouble and they scatter like roaches. Then again, calling an African American woman Mammy, regardless of how you spell it is probably not the type of thing to rally the troops around you. You go on to say ...........
"Instead of coming to his defense, councilwoman Jan Marcason chose to exact punishment before the Mayor had a chance to defend himself in court. She did this by authoring a “volunteer” ordinance,"
That's one way of looking at it. Another way of looking at it, is that the ordinance was introduced to protect the city from future litigation. You go on to say..............
" It was clear to Funk that the real intent of the ordinance was to dictate to him how he runs his office as it only targeted his wife."
Bingo! Whooop there it is! That is exactly why the ordinance was introduced. You go on to say that this is the first time in the history of Mayordom that a first lady has been banned from City Hall. You are correct it is a first, another first is a city being sued by an employee for racial remarks made by the Mayors wife. Gee, you two really are trail blazers and innovators.
I had to get a tissue as I read the part of your letter about the mayors job taking Funk away from the family unit. How his 18 years of experience as city auditor prepared him to run the city. You go on to say that you both were naive when it came to how much time it took from your daily lives to actually be Mayor and Mayorette, a simple fact that must have eluded you during his 18 years of city auditing and bean counting. Cynics might call bullshit on ya, but not me. I believe the two of you really are that naive and ill prepared for the actual task at hand.
You go on to say ...."He also wants you to know that he is not going to let this situation stop him from making good on the olive branch that he extended to the council last Thursday"
Would that be the same branch you just used to beat them down with as you call them all traitors and back stabbers?
On a brighter note you assure us all that great changes have already taken place in Kansas City, thanks to the Mayors cracker jack skills. I'll take your word on that, I'm sure this city is better off since Funk took office. I'm not sure how we are better off. You mention revitalization of the urban core, ummm, you might check my Urban Blight series, seems you guys missed a few things in the urban core that could use attention. You also mention an education summit, which must explain a drop out rate of close to half the students in the school district, or not. You said something about youth programs , maybe you can enroll the 14 and 15 year olds who kill each other with such regularity in your revitalized urban core.
Naysayers and critics might accuse you and the mayor of being out of touch with the people of Kansas city. I say bullshit. Why it seems like only yesterday you were talking about visiting the Black part of town. Out of touch, I think not, although you might want to rephrase that bit about the black part of town.
In closing, I just want to wish you all the best in your future endeavors. Maybe now that you wont be spending all of your time at city hall you can brush up on some of the finer points of being a public figure, a role you threw yourself in to with much zeal, but little grace. Here's a short list for you, I know , lets call it Homework since you'll hopefully be spending more time there.
1. Stop adding a double ee to words as a term of endearment. some words dont sound good with a long e sounded added to them. Words like Mam, Dark, Black,...the list goes on my dear, but I think you get my point.
2. I realize you are a free spirit, but going shoeless in city hall could be considered crass and unprofessional.
3. Stop playing the victim. Seriously, the whole martyrdom thing is soooo 1500's.
4. Don't speak, it just seems to get you in trouble.
5. Make your xmas letter a little less xxx. Last years Christmas letter , you know the one about the Mayors prostate exam, too much info Glo. And not for nothin, but a little creepy.
There is much work to be done if you want to be recognized as Kansas City's first Lady, instead of the foul mouth broad who runs shoeless through the highest office in Kansas City. On second thought, it's really too late, first impressions usually stick with you.
There are people who would say Kansas City's first couple are comparable to Alice and Ralph Cramden, but not me, I think too highly of Jackie Gleason, and Jane Meadows was kind of hot. To be honest, I am afraid this letter has just been a fruitless effort, and my stellar advice will fall on deaf ears. In the end, I'm afraid that stubbornness, lack of concern for the city, petty bickering , inaction and inattentiveness will rule the day from the Mayors office, business as usual. While the Mayors of most cities focus on trivial things, like crime, infrastructure, education, etc, our mayor is preoccupied with fighting for a nonexistant right to have his wife six feet up his ass in city hall. King Nothing fiddles while Rome burns. In other words, you can put Earth Shoes on a pig, but it's still a pig.
Dear Co Mayor Gloria,
I read your latest missive from Funks Front Porch, and I felt compelled to point out a few inaccuracies, misleading statements, and general run of the mill bullshit. My first point of contention is over this statement in your letter.
" the Mayor was disappointed when some of his fellow council members did not come to his defense after a former mayoral staffer filed an unfounded lawsuit against him."
I feel ya Glo, loyalty is hard to come by. First sign of trouble and they scatter like roaches. Then again, calling an African American woman Mammy, regardless of how you spell it is probably not the type of thing to rally the troops around you. You go on to say ...........
"Instead of coming to his defense, councilwoman Jan Marcason chose to exact punishment before the Mayor had a chance to defend himself in court. She did this by authoring a “volunteer” ordinance,"
That's one way of looking at it. Another way of looking at it, is that the ordinance was introduced to protect the city from future litigation. You go on to say..............
" It was clear to Funk that the real intent of the ordinance was to dictate to him how he runs his office as it only targeted his wife."
Bingo! Whooop there it is! That is exactly why the ordinance was introduced. You go on to say that this is the first time in the history of Mayordom that a first lady has been banned from City Hall. You are correct it is a first, another first is a city being sued by an employee for racial remarks made by the Mayors wife. Gee, you two really are trail blazers and innovators.
I had to get a tissue as I read the part of your letter about the mayors job taking Funk away from the family unit. How his 18 years of experience as city auditor prepared him to run the city. You go on to say that you both were naive when it came to how much time it took from your daily lives to actually be Mayor and Mayorette, a simple fact that must have eluded you during his 18 years of city auditing and bean counting. Cynics might call bullshit on ya, but not me. I believe the two of you really are that naive and ill prepared for the actual task at hand.
You go on to say ...."He also wants you to know that he is not going to let this situation stop him from making good on the olive branch that he extended to the council last Thursday"
Would that be the same branch you just used to beat them down with as you call them all traitors and back stabbers?
On a brighter note you assure us all that great changes have already taken place in Kansas City, thanks to the Mayors cracker jack skills. I'll take your word on that, I'm sure this city is better off since Funk took office. I'm not sure how we are better off. You mention revitalization of the urban core, ummm, you might check my Urban Blight series, seems you guys missed a few things in the urban core that could use attention. You also mention an education summit, which must explain a drop out rate of close to half the students in the school district, or not. You said something about youth programs , maybe you can enroll the 14 and 15 year olds who kill each other with such regularity in your revitalized urban core.
Naysayers and critics might accuse you and the mayor of being out of touch with the people of Kansas city. I say bullshit. Why it seems like only yesterday you were talking about visiting the Black part of town. Out of touch, I think not, although you might want to rephrase that bit about the black part of town.
In closing, I just want to wish you all the best in your future endeavors. Maybe now that you wont be spending all of your time at city hall you can brush up on some of the finer points of being a public figure, a role you threw yourself in to with much zeal, but little grace. Here's a short list for you, I know , lets call it Homework since you'll hopefully be spending more time there.
1. Stop adding a double ee to words as a term of endearment. some words dont sound good with a long e sounded added to them. Words like Mam, Dark, Black,...the list goes on my dear, but I think you get my point.
2. I realize you are a free spirit, but going shoeless in city hall could be considered crass and unprofessional.
3. Stop playing the victim. Seriously, the whole martyrdom thing is soooo 1500's.
4. Don't speak, it just seems to get you in trouble.
5. Make your xmas letter a little less xxx. Last years Christmas letter , you know the one about the Mayors prostate exam, too much info Glo. And not for nothin, but a little creepy.
There is much work to be done if you want to be recognized as Kansas City's first Lady, instead of the foul mouth broad who runs shoeless through the highest office in Kansas City. On second thought, it's really too late, first impressions usually stick with you.
There are people who would say Kansas City's first couple are comparable to Alice and Ralph Cramden, but not me, I think too highly of Jackie Gleason, and Jane Meadows was kind of hot. To be honest, I am afraid this letter has just been a fruitless effort, and my stellar advice will fall on deaf ears. In the end, I'm afraid that stubbornness, lack of concern for the city, petty bickering , inaction and inattentiveness will rule the day from the Mayors office, business as usual. While the Mayors of most cities focus on trivial things, like crime, infrastructure, education, etc, our mayor is preoccupied with fighting for a nonexistant right to have his wife six feet up his ass in city hall. King Nothing fiddles while Rome burns. In other words, you can put Earth Shoes on a pig, but it's still a pig.
what about lipstick. That seems to be a popular one to bandy about.
ReplyDeleteIn their minds, it's about six people who think the way they're doing things is wrong and all of us read TKC and are unduly influenced by him.
I'd like to think my opinions wake up and snap to attention when my tax dollars have to pay for transgressions made by some idiot I did NOT elect into office, all in the name of a li'l discrimination lawsuit. That and all the other crazy stuff you mentioned, stuff that appeared in, oh, THE WASHINGTON POST.
Good post Miscreant.
ReplyDeleteOur first couple is an embarassment, and to add insult to injury they're lying through their teeth.
All so Gloria can spend 8-5 at the office everyday with her husband.
How completely screwed up is that?
Oh, and I also believe that the Mayor's next townhall meeting is the Marlboro neighborhood.
ReplyDelete