Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Never over stay your welcome
People stay in failed marriages long after they realize its time to get out. They go through the motions, make a half ass effort, running on autopilot. They do it for the kids, for financial reasons, or because they don't want to piss away years of emotional investment without giving it one last shot. There are a litany of excuses or reasons for clinging to a thing that is no longer what it was, and most of those reasons are bullshit. In the end, the most common reason for hanging on, is pride, stubbornness, and a fear of change. That's the truth more often than not, but the truth doesn't sound nearly as noble. Self sacrifice sounds much better than self serving.
This blog in many ways is like a marriage gone sour. Over the course of the last six months, Ive come within a mouse click of calling it quits. I took a few breaks, a few days here, a couple of weeks there, but I wasn't prepared to hang it up. I don't want to become the Bret farve of blogging. I'm in, I'm out, I'm done, I'm back. I can't abide people who are wishy washy, and I sure as hell wont tolerate it in myself. So Ive waited, just to be sure. Now I am.
My best writing, where I really shine, is writing about my past. The criminal years, the characters I've known. I think I did it well, and I did it as honestly and as bullshit free as possible. Once I had covered my history I moved on to Urban Blight. I covered the blighted areas of this city better than any of the professional journalists in KC ever could. I hate to toot my own horn, but, TOOT TOOT. I found my niche, unfortunately it is short lived, Ive done it, and all I can hope for now is to become repetitive and boring. Fuck that.
There are countless people who do commentary and opinion better than I do. My opinions were formed in prisons, on the streets and in back alleys. I'm never going to see the world through the same field of vision as most people. Ive tried my hand at it, and I was okay, but not really great. I think Ive reached a point where Ive become a parody of my original intent. Fuck that as well.
I started doing this thing because I had some shit to say, I had some stories to tell. I feel like Ive said everything worth saying, and I've run out of stories. So I'm done, at least in this format. I plan to continue writing, maybe try my hand at a book, maybe even post it on line. I may blog again, but it wont be anytime soon, and it will be on a new page, and it wont be as personal or in the same tone as Midtown Miscreant. Like that first love gone sour, I wont revisit or try to rebuild it. I don't think I could do it as well so why bother? In the end I think I accomplished what I set out to do. Thanks for taking the time to read me, and for being open minded enough to listen, even when we disagreed. I'll still be lurking around, reading the same blogs I've always read, and offering up the occasional wise ass remarks. As you can see from my smiling mug in the photo above; you are all number one in my book. So long.